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Chen have you ever tried talking with Martin? Seems like that is the best route for you to go at this point.
Side topic for Deb, really… last night I actually had my first rough night in about 3 weeks. Interestingly enough, last night I went to bed earlier than I have been in quite some time. While 11pm-ish has been the new normal bedtime for me during this work from home phase, last night I just felt kinda run down and went in my bed at 10p. I casually browsed on my phone and relaxed and eventually crashed around what I believe was 11 anyway. But as you know Deb going in your bed at 11 and hanging in bed for an hour beforehand can be two very different things in our worlds.
Anyway, a bunch of light/disturbed sleep later and I awoke feeling very unrested. I knew it was a flat out bad night. Not a big deal, but yeah, even one of these still stings, hurts, and quickly reminds me of what I used to be. I can’t stress just how nervous I am about returning to work, Deb. I think by nature waking up at 6am is not that common or normal, and if there’s one thing I’ve realized about my body/self during this very unusual last 2.5 months of working from home, its that 11pm feels like “my time” for bed. So often pre covid/work from home I’d go in bed around 10:30p as you know, and while sleepy sure, there’s no doubt that part of our brains are just programmed to “get to bed” at a certain time when we know we have to be up at the crack of dawn for work. Having my new ‘wake up whenever’ type of mindset has basically all but cured my insomnia(though I must start work no later than 7:30am). Really is amazing how it’s all worked out. Not sure what my gameplan will be once I return, but I feel I should start thinking about it.
Odinsky I feel for you. You sound like me when I was stuck in the middle of the peak of this hell that ruined my life for so long. Your new surroundings, job, etc, sound like one of the classic potential insomnia triggers. By the sound of it, mindfulness has not been working and likely will not be enough for you right now anyway. While it may scare you to take on the task, I highly suggest SRT in order to get you sleeping again and ultimately regaining some of your sleep confidence. This won’t happen overnight but it will help start the process. I hear you about your wife not being totally comforting. I think I speak for everyone here that insomnia is absolutely one of those things that falls under “you have to live it to understand”.
Whatever you decide to do I hope it works out but SRT is the way I would go. Only thing is, as I said above and as Martin would tell you if you signed up for his course, you must stick to it.
Odinsky, it certainly seems like SRT is making you into a nervous wreck just by the vibe of your posts. That being said I dont know your story or where your head is really truly at. What’s the summary of your situation? How long have you been dealing with insomnia/what caused it, etc?
I always had my window at around 11:30p-6a. I wasn’t super strict insane with it though. Definitely did a ballpark thing. If I felt I was doing well, then maybe after a week or two yeah then I’d head to bed at 11:15pm or even 11pm. If I slept in on weekends to 6:30am right away that was ok, but I made sure not to go too later. My problem was letting my SRT fade away too soon. Meaning if I was doing ok for 2-3 weeks, then the whole sleep window thing was gone and I’d just make sure to not sleep in too much on weekends and to not go to sleep TOO early. Ultimately as tempting as it is, if you were a serious insomniac you MUST stick to SRT for quite some time. You can’t just have a good 2-3 weeks like I did and then forget about it because it will likely come right back.
In my honest opinion SRT makes things worse before they get better (usually), so short term, yes. But as far as long goes (and I do mean long term, as in sticking with SRT for 2-3 months) it should absolutely start to kill off your sleep anxiety overall. At least that is what happened with me over the course of several waves of SRT. I was so anxious about sleep that there was no other way to start aside from SRT. Then I eventually moved onto ACT once my anxiety levels were brought down to a reasonable degree.
Chen is your sleep anxiety is that high to the point where you begin sweating in bed then you need CBT-I and fast. Get out of bed and don’t return until you’re calmed down and more sleepy. Keep this up until the anxiety goes down more and more. Could take many months.
Hi Deb, I see you asked how I’m doing a few posts back. Sorry for the delay but I’m trying not to linger around here as much right now as I’m doing just wonderful sleep wise. I think I’ve had literally one bad night in the last two weeks. The good times continue. That being said I am STILL working from home as my office informed us that they are not ready to bring us back just yet. As you know full well that will be a whole entirely new ballgame once that 6am alarm anxiousness returns, not to mention everything about what has to happen in the morning again (i.e. showering, shaving, getting ready, etc) as opposed to literally walking 3 steps to my dining room table to start work haha. It will not be pretty, I know this. I’ll probably suffer at least to start a little bit. I probably won’t ever have a run as nice as this once the 6am wakeups return (as opposed to the current 7am-ish ones) But let’s hope that the more and more I sleep well the more confidence I build in my memory and the better things will ultimately be. Times are great right now.
Went to bed around 11p last night and woke WAYYY too early for a Saturday, 5:45am. I knew it was not good so I just told myself to relax and just, well, go back to sleep. I then fell back asleep and woke at 7:30am. 6 months ago and obviously 1 year or two ago it would be very very rare that would happen. But today it felt normal. It felt like the old days. You wake too early, no big deal, just go back to bed. Easier said than done for many on here, I know, but I guess I’m happy to say that things CAN improve with the right circumstances and with the right tools.
Nice to hear from you and to read your update Delv. You can never force or control your sleep. That I’ve learned no matter what throughout my recovery journey of insomnia. If I ever have my eyes closed and it hits me that hey, i’m just NOT that tired, i’ll open them up and just rest until I get tired again. I used to be the opposite, thinking well oh no, it’s 11:30pm and I have to be up at 6, i better get to sleep NOW. No. Doesn’t work that way. Will only create more anxiousness.
Yes some nights i’ll toss and turn a lot until sleep eventually comes, but it’s ok. Point is to not let yourself get frustrated. You are right that it really does boil down to cycles. They will happen. You can’t get too upset. I had a cycle of 3-4 nights just last week! You’ve made progress it seems and I’m happy to see that. You’re still recovering after all though and it seems like your next big ‘test’ like mine, will be when we return to office life where instead of just relaxing during an awakening and ending up in another hour or two from sleep, now you know you gotta be up and heading to the office soon. It’s going to be a challenge for our, or anyone’s mental “battle” in recovering from this horrible condition.
How’s everyone doing? Good sleep has returned for me again, for almost a full week straight now after the minor setback of a few rough nights in a row. I’ve since accepted the fact that I will soon be returning to the office, and that’s that. The next (and huge) hurdle however, will be when I actually DO in fact return, and subsequently have to return to my real wake time of 6am.
It’s been a beautiful thing sleeping in and working from home. An absolutely beautiful thing. But I would be lying if I didn’t say I was afraid of what might come with this sleep wise. I’ve been sleeping the best I ever have in years during this 2 month work from home stint, but thing were never really perfect and I still do not consider myself 100% healed. Really is kind of scary how just a week ago again I was struggling with sleep anxiety and being exhausted. I almost feel like I should have a “game plan” for when I go back to work but at the same time that’s really not ACT now, is it..
Hi Gsd. Whenever I have a good night I always have more energy, absolutely.
Been struggling the last few nights now, suddenly. I haven’t had bad nights but I’ve been dealing with a few early awakenings like in the pre work from home days. Not having to wake for work at 6am has helped as I can continue laying in bed til basically whenever instead of the usual early awakening where I’d also have the thought of “oh shoot, i gotta be up soon” thought.
That being said I haven’t been getting GOOD sleep the last 3 nights and I kinda know what it’s from which is the mere THOUGHT (and realization) that the work from home days are coming to an end. It has increased my anxiety as of late. We were told last week that we will likely be returning to the office in early June. I know it sounds ridiculous at this stage, someone like me who by this point you think would be able to have my sleep anxiety under control but is now suddenly feeling a little weird when looking at a clock at night around 10pm thinking, damn, in a couple of weeks from now I’ll be back to that feeling of well, you kinda have to be getting ready for bed soon, and ready to wake up at 6am and all that comes with that (i.e. back to showering first thing in the AM, shaving, getting dressed, driving to the office on the road at 6:45am, etc).
But as much as I should be past these types of thoughts by now, it doesn’t change the fact that I’ve been dealing with this problem for years and the damage that has done to me mentally is simply just too hard to erase over the course of 2 months IMO. This is why many times I’ve said I don’t feel like i will be truly healed until a day comes where I have a job that allows me to permanently wake up later. Let’s be honest, this work from home situation has been a treat. A special thing.
I really need to calm myself as much as I can today and start mentally trying to tell myself it’s going to be ok, return to the office or not. How I’m going to do that i’m not sure, but I’m open to suggestions…
Hey everyone, just checking in again. How’s everyone doing with Covid? Are your cities reopened yet? Here in New York we are still technically locked down with even Phase 1 another two weeks away, it seems.
I’ve been sleeping well. Had a bad night on Tuesday and spent Weds as a zombie for the first time in quite a while. But when you don’t have a 6am work alarm to continue having to wake up to anymore, its easier for me to recover. Weds and Thurs night I was back to sleeping well.
Still though, I fear the return to the office and the return to normal life only bc of the potential sleep issues again. All of these weeks I’ve been waking at 7am, sometimes 7:30! I don’t want to alter anything right now but I feel like in preparation of returning to the 6am alarm days I should maybe start waking a tad earlier. Just a bad feeling knowing that struggles almost definitely lay ahead after such (mostly) beautiful sleep over the course of the last 2 months…
