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I’m glad to hear that Deb. As you know its anything but an overnight fix once you fall back into the hole which you did. I’m sure you will now start to see more improvement over the course of the next couple of weeks until you finally come out of this. In the process of this relapse recovery your brain will learn more about how to heal for good, long term. Relapses are all just pieces of the puzzle in my honest opinion.
I personally have had a mediocre week at best. I didn’t have any flat out bad nights like I did that one night last week, but I certainly didn’t wake up refreshed everyday. I’ve been going through these new kind of nights where instead of any legitimate awakenings keeping me up, I end up in what feels like very light sleep for the last few hours I’m in bed. Perhaps that’s an improvement, perhaps its not. Still doesn’t change the fact that I’m tired today and was yesterday as well. But again, we aren’t talking about zombie days and I guess I should be happy about that just like I should be happy I’ve improved pretty well overall these last few months! Happy that it’s now the weekend and I know I’ll comfortably get two very nice nights of sleep. I remember the days when even the weekends were a struggle and not guaranteed better nights.
Morning everyone. Deb how’d you do last night? Steve, what’s been your situation as of late? Had another “ok” night last night. Still in a (rather good) phase of not experiencing many bad nights which I will gladly take right now. However this coming Thursday after work I have a commitment, call it a “special event”. This will be a real test for me as some of you may know just how much I struggle when it comes to “special event insomnia” so to speak. I know even discussing it like this on here is probably wrong and may only feed the thoughts on my head, but truth is I really would appreciate a few pieces of advice that anyone may have.
Wow Delv what an amazing informative post. I related to it very much. Love when people come back with success stories and info to share. It’s so unbelievably helpful to those who are here all the time. Hi Deb. My weekend sleep wasn’t bad. Not perfect, but I definitely moved in the right direction after last week’s sudden slipup. Coming out of the weekend, last night was solid night of sleep. Hope to continue that throughout this entire week. Wishing only the best for you in the coming days, Deb.
A little better last night. Went to bed thinking a little bit about just how horrible of a zombie day it was. This is something we’re all familiar with I’m sure and is why relapses happen. Just not that easy to get such a bad fresh experience out of your head. I had another early awakening but this time remained calm as can be. Didn’t look at the clock, and slowly but surely drifted back off to sleep. May not have been the deepest sleep but it was some form of sleep, until my 6am alarm. Tired today, but nothing like yesterday’s zombie day. I really think its extremely difficult in general for those with insomnia to come off a zombie day and go right into a complete full night of refreshed sleep. You can’t expect it. Just like you can’t expect months or especially years of insomnia to go away overnight or within a few days. Everything in this process takes time. Time to unlearn the bad habits. I’m optimistic that this weekend I’ll have two good nights and hopefully that will carry over into most of next week. Still a work in progress IMO but progress is and has been made with me since implementing ACT.
Well it happened. My first bad night/zombie day of 2020. I guess I should be happy it took this long, right? Still doesn’t matter to me. This just feels brutal. Was a pretty surprising bad night, too in the sense that I had an awakening at 3:45am! I had some stuff on my mind before bedtime, I’ll admit that, but still, nothing too wild. So 3:45am, geez, that’s odd, I thought. Haven’t seen that kind of time in a LONG time. (and yes, I know I looked at the clock which was a mistake) So I wondered if it had something to do with the antibiotic Amoxillin that I am on for my sinus infection that I began taking just yesterday morning, but sleep problems are not listed as a side effect anywhere at all. Stomach pain is however, and I experienced that pretty significantly yesterday. When I woke however, I didn’t feel any pain. Anyway I didn’t fall back asleep and boy am I suffering right now. Back to normal tonight hopefully, with ZERO intentions of looking at that clock during any awakenings.
Well Deb there must be some sort underlying (even light) anxiety going on IMO if you are having this much trouble again. As you said, you’re “struggling” with your failure to fall asleep instead of just accepting these returning issues. That’s the main problem. So glad to hear that you are working with someone to help you. I wonder Deb, whats your sleep timeframe/window like? Are you doing anything at all different than when you were going through that very long successful run? Might be a naive question to ask but perhaps you are going to be when you are not that sleepy at all?
Strange, my last post didn’t go through I guess…
I had answered you, Deb. The last 2 weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind for me. I’ve been out of the house(staying at parents as well as a hotel) while my hardwood floors were being refinished and then I was sick with a bad cold the last 5 days. Some nights I slept very well, others I didn’t. Overall though I’m doing much better than I was during that very rough phase last month leading up to the new year. That being said, I still haven’t gotten a good couple of weeks of good sleep in. I really want to see that soon.
Sorry that you are struggling so hard with your relapse. May I ask with regards to the anxiety that has returned for you, when exactly does it affect you? Before bed? While in bed? Etc.
Hi Deb. Interesting that your last post was the first email notification I’ve gotten in a while. Anyway, these last couple of weeks have really been a bit of a whirlwind for me so it’s hard to say exactly where I’m at. I had my hardwood floors refinished which kept me out of my house for almost a week and I stayed with my parents for half the time and a hotel for a couple of nights as well. Some nights I slept great and others I didn’t. (mostly anxiety bc of worrying about how my floors would turn out!)
Then on Thursday of last week I came down with a bad sinus infection so I’ve been a little all over the place as far as going to bed early/late, but overall I’ve been sleeping ok. Still not getting full on totally refreshing nights for weeks on end though, I can tell you that much. But with that being said, I’m absolutely better than I was during that bad phase while approaching the new year back in December. Will check back in soon.
I really feel for you during your relapse here, Deb. I know you are proactive about it and that’s great but it’s just a shame to see the anxiety take over again. Is it mostly just sleep onset as usual? Or are there other things going on? When do you feel the anxiety come on the most?
Thanks for the encouraging words, Deb. Really appreciate them. I’ve actually been going to sleep earlier, often before 10:30pm. At least right now and hopefully forever, I’m passed the whole anxiousness of going to bed before a certain timeframe. ACT really helped me get there. Still doesn’t change the fact that awakenings are happening, but right now it’s about just continuing to learn how to handle them as you said. Still a bit of a challenge for me some nights. Last night for example I was out cold by 10:30pm and had an awakening around 5am-ish (I estimate this bc I didn’t look at my clock). You’d think 6.5 hours is ok for me, but I don’t know what happened. The sleep must have been a bit anxious or light bc for whatever reason I am pretty tired today. Wasn’t a bad night by any means, but it also wasn’t great. That’s the other thing. It’s not JUST about learning to get quantity of sleep, but quality as well. That’s something IMO that will just come with more time, and more ACT.
Very glad to read that you might be turning a corner as well now
It seems like within the last 10 days or so, which in the grand scheme of things is nothing, I’ve been able to at least drift back off into a more calm decent sleep if I have the early awakenings, instead of the usual anxious/light sleep when I’d beat myself up over the awakenings. So, at least for the time being, I do feel I may have turned a corner as far as handling them. That being said who knows. For all I know (and I hate to say this) this could be the start of another downward spiral. Bad thing to say, I know, and I should understand that I’ll be just fine and will continue to improve. The key though of course is not panicking and learning to accept the awakening, and almost EXPECT it in a way, not to mention keeping my eyes off that clock. Even before insomnia ever began, looking at my clock and seeing a time I didn’t like gave me problems.
Well, looks like I jinxed myself yesterday. Had my first bad night of the new year last night. A rough early awakening. Usually I don’t look at the clock but it was funny, bc when I woke I could have sworn it was close to my alarm of 6am. Then I peaked over and it was 5a. That was all I needed to see to do me in. 90% of the time I can’t fall back asleep if it’s already that late. I need to remember my own personal rules, one of which is, unless you hear that alarm, DON’T look at your clock! Thing is though, I tend to get anxious also about the fact that the alarm won’t go off. But then I have to tell myself I also have my iPhone alarm set too. Odds of both of them failing is probably .005%. Oh well then. Gotta focus on understanding this isn’t a big deal, and tonight I will get back to normal, or close to it. Deb how’d you do?
Geez Deb, I feel terrible for what has been going on with you and this relapse. Even though its obvious, the main thing I can suggest for you is to really stay away from the pills unless its an absolute necessity (i.e. A special event the next day)
It seems as if the anxiety has really taken over here for you during this relapse so I’d suggest some serious mindfulness practice throughout the day, not just a specific small timeframe. That all being said the great thing is you have beat a relapse before, and you know you can do it again, even if this one is rather rough.
Since the new year I’ve been doing ok. No bad/zombie nights, yet. Mostly decent to good nights. Had that awful night New Years Eve bc I forgot to turn off my work alarm, but i’m obviously not counting that.
Guess who went to sleep shortly after midnight and forgot to turn their 6am work alarm off this morning?
Yup!
Happy New Year, from Mac the zombie
Same to you Deb. I agree these forums have been a blessing, because in my case at least, I know I absolutely wouldn’t be where I am in my recovery today, or at least not this far along in it with this much knowledge. I’ve come a very long way from years ago freaking out at the sleep Doctor’s office being told a bunch of rubbish. A very long way. Through Martin, Sasha Stephens, Guy Meadows, some SRT, ACT, and a few other things, I’m doing pretty good now.
I’ve been on these forums for exactly one year, and it’s been a pleasure talking to everyone especially those who were with me from close to the beginning such as Deb, Steve, Daf, Borg. Borg was nice enough to email me some of her strategies a few weeks ago which was comforting. I still struggle as you all know, sometimes rather badly, but, compared to where I was one year ago, finally entering my serious recovery journey, I’m in a very different place. It’s been hell on Earth at times, no doubt about it, but I’ve had this platform to come to for support a lot and it’s been a tremendous help and weight off my shoulders. I’m extremely optimistic that 2020 will eventually mark the end of at least the bad period of my Insomnia story, where I’ll hopefully transition into someone who’s in “remission”.
Happy New Year everyone.
Well it looks like I’m going to have to try something Deb, bc it seems like I’m stuck in a pretty strong cycle that I’m not able to breakthrough with regards to work nights. Even after those two beautiful nights, last night, went in bed around 10:30, was out around 11-11:15, and you guessed it, early awakening. Around 5am. Sat in a daze for the next hour until my alarm went off. Just amazing to me how the previous two nights I can go 7.5 and 8 with seemingly no problem, yet that underlying 6am anxiety is so strong that I can barely manage 6 hours of sleep here last night. Not a zombie, but very tired today. This isn’t saying I haven’t had plenty of good sleep on work nights, but they just seem to be all over the place. I appreciate your input, and I think sooner than later I’m going to give the whole 9:30 bedtime a try. But again, the problem with that is, while you think it will be somewhat of the “equivalent” of getting to sleep until 7, doesn’t change the fact that I probably won’t fall asleep until the same time anyway (around 11, maybe a TAD earlier)
