[MarinaFournier]

'Tommy wrote:

On a lot of roads in Britain now you'll see signs, especially on the M1 up here, “Tired? Pull over and have a nap!” etc, because the amount of people that have fallen asleep at the wheel and gone crashing into the barricades is ridiculous

Whereas in the States, there are laws saying you may NOT sleep/nap on road-shoulders, or even in rest stops along highways. Thinking more about homeless vagrants more than about road safety, most like.

[MarinaFournier]

Sorry, folks. I am primarily an extrovert, in that I bask in the energy of a social group (as long as I'm part of that group, or at least not excluded).

That said, I have had periods of overwhelm, but most of those have been when I know too few folk there and haven't the energy to force the issue, or when I'm clearly the outsider: everyone but me is talking about something in which I'm not involved, which I've always been taught is extremely rude. I like people-watching, and I talk to random strangers.

I can't remember if I met a guy named Random once, but I do know I've met a man whose parents named him for one of the Nine Princes of Amber (Roger Zelazny novel/series). There's a young man at our local cinema whose name is Bram, likely after Mr. Stocker, rather than after Bram(well) Bronte.

I have noticed that I seem to be less extrovert since we moved over to the Valley of Heart's Delight. While my social circle and life declined, my husband's increased, and by and large, I am left out of that. Until my son was old enough, if every other adult was going to be gone, I had to stay with him–husband never seemed to think I might want to make plans for myself, and needed to know if he'd be home or not. Some of that has to do with legalities and minors (he's 18, since the 28th!), and some had to do with being involved with County Mental Health, and their rather narrow ideas of what “healthy” social activities for parents of kids in their programs were. I don't know what “community standards” they were looking at, but it wasn't one I was living in.

[MarinaFournier]

'sleepy wrote on '06:

So, I often dream I'm a persona in one of the books I've read. So here is my question to you.

If you could choose, which persona would you be.

Since it's hard to make a choice, you can make a top-3.

That's a good one, and a reason why this topic message has been sitting in my inbox, waiting for my response. Fun question!

Most of my favorite fictional characters are people I'd find it too exhausting to be. Miles Vorkosigan. Buffy Summers. That kind. I'm much more likely to want to have a grand, but intimate, dinner party and talk long into the night (when else?) with many of them.

Okay, when Star Trek The Next Generation appeared, I looked at the character of Deana Troi, and fumed, “How did those writers find my fantasy character?” as she had many of the traits I'd MarySued for myself in my Trek fantasies. As she became less sappy, I liked her even more. Kira Nerys (DS9), Uhura (linguistics/polyglot, sassy), K'Ehleyr (TNG–mother of Worf's son), Ardra (sassier than hell, and that voice!), Vash (TNG and DS9), the Dax hostwomen (Jadzia and Ezri), Ensign Ro Laren, and a woman who is not Vash who may deal in weapons of black market items (she did a sort of macarena while proving she wasn't carrying anything dangerous on herself)–those were women who made me smile, admire their wit or their resilience.

Sookie Stackhouse, Jane Yellowrock, and Joanne Walker–want to sit close and listen to them talk about Just What Has Happened to them, and what their backgrounds truly must be. I wouldn't mind being a pleasant character in anything Emma Holly writes. Robin McKinley's Harimad Sola and Sunshine–but I want to talk cooking with Sunshine. She's the first character I've read with whom I'd want to talk for hours.

Another triad of folk I'd want to listen in on would be Margot Fonteyn, Rudolph Nureyev, and Mikhail Barishnikov. If they were suddenly to start dancing a pas de trois, it would be gilding the gold, or painting the lily.

I'd love to spend a week at Giverny with Monet, with Debussy while he was composing, spend time with various Pre-Raphaelite painters, as well as with William Morris, Antonio Gaudí, and Frederick Goudy, because their art have all affected me.

Be a character? Guess not–but hang out with them, I'm so there!

[MarinaFournier]

'1949Molly' wrote on '06:

I'd be any person who can sleep naturally and regularly.

Spoilsport! That's cheating, you know.

[MarinaFournier]

'BobbyP' wrote on '04:

Has anyone else ever noticed how often the news media comes out with “the latest study” on how VERY important it is that we all get enough sleep?? Whenever I see yet another serious, worried-looking doctor on tv, or hear about it on the radio, or see it on the internet, where they are telling us that we all need more sleep, I want to scream at them, “Yes, yes, I'm trying!!” Why do they have to make us even more paranoid over something we are already stressed about? 😡

Ok, your turn finally. I get so tired of the “blame the victim” reports. I'm short, female, left-handed, bipolar, diabetic (type 2), round, hypertensive, hypothyroid, high-cholesterol, and insomniac. Each of these can lead to a shorter lifespan or an increased tendency to have Something Nasty happen, and I haven't even gone into other genetic issues! At least I survived birth against the odds, and then my first month.

Yes, you idiots, we know. Now what are you going to do FOR us?

[MarinaFournier]

'Martin' wrote on '08:

insomnia treatments don't make enough money to warrant high levels of research

But you're right–that's why sleep apnea is a preferred dx, because those machines DO make money.

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insomnia comes in so many different forms and affects people in different ways – therefore, there can never be a universal insomnia cure, since we're all so different.

This is also true for migraines and neurological/mental disorders: we ARE all different, and react to things in inconveniently individual ways. If there's a Big Reason behind that individuality, which could be deconstructed and understood, it might not matter that we have so many different reactions to specific remedies.

To a certain point, as with insomnias, the mechanism behind migraines and chronic/severe/bipolar depressions, and the schizo-affective, schizophrenia, and borderline personality disorder axis (which runs along after bipolar disorder), and maybe even AD(H)D and the autisms, are so little understood that trying to a) diagnose them accurately and 😎 treat them* is so far down the line that I can only hope my son lives long enough to see them solved.

*I think the only time the neurologically atypical should be given medication is if it makes their lives easier. I don't think that “curing” autism is a valid goal–understanding the way they think and perceive is far more rewarding for all of us. Yes, therapies to help them integrate into mainstream society in a way that keeps them from getting overload triggers, and to overcome some “blank spots” they may have, but attempting to make them “normal” is depriving us all of something that could be absolutely wonderful.

[MarinaFournier]

'Martin' wrote on '05:

I must sift through hundreds of news articles every month, and only a few actually contain useful or interesting information. In addition to being told how important sleep is, I want to hit myself over the head every time I read the typical insomnia advice like 'avoid caffeine' or 'drink warm milk'.

Martin, you're going to hit the wrong person if you do that! Shoot or hit the messenger, in spite of advice to avoid that.

[MarinaFournier]

'mdoss' wrote on '06:

I have had insomnia for as long as I can remember. I am married and my husband can fall asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. That really drives me crazy and it may sound weird but I am jealous of him.

Preaching to the choir, here, but we all say, Sing it, Sister! My husband never could understand why I couldn't just go to sleep. I have more idiopathic reactions to more meds! I would like to have a talk with whoever designed my body, and have sharp, pointy objects nearby.

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I am so sick of talking to people who have never dealt with insomnia.

Yes, as you can tell, anyone who can't just go to sleep at the right time is by inference dumb as a rock. Now, some of us do get that way after being awake too long, but I never noticed stupid people having insomnia, nor have I encountered stupid insomniacs. When I was working in the mid-Wilshire district in LA, CA, I saw more people assuming that since I didn't have a car or drive (because I didn't have a car, duh), that I must be halfway to retarded, and not know how to get anywhere. Surprise! Navigator! I can probably get from the Catholic school I attended in Albuquerque in the mid 60's, long before I drove, to either Old Town or the State Fairgrounds. My husband can't remember how to get around in the Pasadena area, much less the greater part of LA, and we only left there in 1989. I have a strong visual memory…and I still go on autopilot to the wrong place sometimes.

Welcome, and know we understand.

[MarinaFournier]

'Snookie' wrote on '04:

Marina, Here in the Uk you can buy Vicks Sinex nasal spray or spray mist that you squirt up your nose when you have a blocked nose through a cold.

Thanks so much–but I've never been able to tolerate nose sprays. There are a host of nasal sprays on the market, but they aren't for me. I tried, against my best judgement, some Imitrex spray for a migraine. It worked far shorter a time than I dealt with the ghastly acrid drips down my throat, allowing me to taste the blasted stuff far longer than I wanted. My husband has had Imitrex pills, which didn't work on him, so not only did that form not work for me, the drug itself won't work for either of us. I use generic fiorinal for most migraines these days–useless for a sinus headache, though, for me. Ain't I the lucky one?

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Can you buy Vicks cold remedies in USA or is there something similar?

Would you believe relieving my cough has been nearly as bad as relieving my insomnia? No OTC formula works for me, but yes, I get the sugar-free (type 2 diabetic) Lemon Ricolas, which are a boiled sweet in essence, and keep that in my mouth to help prevent the dryness which can often trigger a non-productive (most of mine) cough.

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Here we have something called Worther's original which is a sort of butter sweet tasting old fashioned sweet, which for a tickly cough is very helpful as the buttery sweetness goes down your throat and helps a lot. Do you have similar sweets/candy in USA?

Unfortunately we do! Werther's is so accomodating as to produce a sugar-free variety or two, and I have always looooved butterscotch and caramel. Grether's pastilles (Red- and Blackcurrant) are softer, and less obtrusive if you have to be speaking while carrying it in your mouth. Then there are the horehound drops, another boiled sweet, which can help with coughs–but it seems it's the molasses flavor that I liked the best.

[MarinaFournier]

'Snookie' wrote on '03:

I would start to drift off and then my muscles would jerk and I would be awake again.

Forgot to respond to this. I could do the complete relaxation of muscles meditation exercise, supposed to help you get to sleep. The part I could never relax were the muscles of my scalp. Like you, I could get just so far, and then my muscles would jerk and undo all the relaxation. Trying again was futile.

I know the jerking awake is an adrenaline release–the thing that makes you feel as if you're falling off a cliff just as you fall to sleep. Don't know how to cut that out. Wish I did.

[MarinaFournier]

'Snookie' wrote on '03:

I spent two weeks coughing and couldn't get to sleep at night. The cough is going now, but I am still finding it very difficult to sleep.

Is that ever familiar! I haven't found anything yet that really unplugs my nostrils, or stops the drips that can lead to a truly pheonmenal cough (probably like yours). Head does have to be elevated more than usual at those times. The coughing I can't control short of 8 oz of inexpensive whisky, because I'm allergic to codeine/vicodin, and no one seems to put any other drug in cough medicine. I am waiting for a form of theobromine to be added to them, especially since it stopped coughs better than codiene!

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I feel I need to sleep so I can recover from the virus, but I am so tired. Hmph!

That's my situation, too–the symptoms keep me awake, and no OTC or prescription remedy yet has solved the problem at the source or of the symptoms, but that's me. I wish I did have suggestions for you, since I know too well what you're dealing with.

[MarinaFournier]

'aquillen' wrote on '31:

Insomnia may peak at late peri-menopause!

Oddly enough, that's the time when I began sleeping more, especially in daylight. Some of it was simply not being able to wake fully.

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I feel hot– not hot flashing but feeling hot, not needing a sweater or socks or blankets hot.

My experience was that elevated temperature–someone called it “my own personal summer”, which for me in summer, is my own personal tropics or Arabian peninsula!–all the time now for about a decade.Now that I've croned completely, I've still got it. Ain't no justice in that.

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And it last for 3 or 4 days. It's like PMS with extra energy but no sleep.

or like a hypomania, for a bipolar. I'd get the sleeplessness, no extra energy but rarely, but I always resented not being able to sleep, not glorying in it.

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Irritatingly I don't see any pointers on the *oodles* of menopause sites about insomnia, sure it's listed as a symptom but that's it. No lifesaving pointers. All these health experts seem oblivious to the fact that insomnia is a life threatening condition and that 50% of women going through menopause are reporting some kind of insomnia — I guess the health profession is just full of idiots.

Yes, they are. For the most part, women are still second-class study subjects.

[MarinaFournier]

'aquillen' wrote on '31:

I am pretty coherent today (and the sun came out and I ran around outside in the sunshine and snow!) But maybe as soon as the clouds and rain roll back in again …. more sleepless nights.

Have you been screened for Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)? Originally, it was just a HappiLite for me (10K lumens of full-spectrum light that you put behind or to the side of you). It's useful to me, even when I'm facing a window, on a dark and foggy or stormy day.

Then OTT lights, which have an FS halogen light tube in them, became easier to look at (first ones were uuuuhh-glee!), and now there are some that are nive to look at, and less expensive (if you want one, find a quilting site or joann(s?).com, where they are perennially about 50% off. I bought my first one, a goose-neck floor lamp, for doing needlework after a certain age). You can use one in a dark room and not feel depressed. I also discovered “daylight” and FS fluorescent tubes, which are goo in your kitchen or garage, if you have tubes there already.

If you use these already, and get no relief on dark and cloudy days, I'm out of suggestions.

[MarinaFournier]

'deblevey' wrote on '01:

Mostly waking up due to cough, or because my sinuses have plugged up.

Is that ever familiar! I haven't found anything yet that really unplugs my nostrils, or stops the drips that can lead to a truly pheonmenal cough (probably like yours). Head does have to be elevated more than usual at those times. The coughing I can't control short of 8 oz of inexpensive whisky, because I'm allergic to codeine/vicodin, and no one seems to put any other drug in cough medicine. I am waiting for a form of theobromine to be added to them, especially since it stopped coughs better than codiene!

When I'm plugged up enough so that I have to breathe through my mouth, and if I'm likely to drool, I put Kleenex (they do it best–will not use any other brand!) folded in quarters under my mouth, so that the wet bits can be tossed instead of trying to avoid them.

[MarinaFournier]

'sculi2000' wrote on '28:

I'm having a hell of a time dealing with my wife being pregnant because I was an abused kid, and while I thought I had worked through most of that stuff already, a TON of it has reemerged now

This happens a lot–to the point where those of us who are friends to the abused, are aware of it. I've known a couple of people whose memories of abuse became much sharper again when kids were on the way, or at some point in their lives when abuse started. I'm sorry this happened to you.

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It was emotional, not physical, but it was pretty violent all the same. It's at times overwhelming.

Yeah, my father was good at that, too. He always said the hurtful words were “just sarcasm”, and yes, it is overwhelming. What he did to my mother inflicted PTSD on her. I think he was an undiagnosed bipolar. When I started thinking about his behavior after I was dx'd, I knew where his peaks and lows were in the year. He did a real good number on me, my sister, and our mother. My sister has had an eating disorder her entire life, and mere bariatric surgery wasn't enough to stop the comfort eating. Her employer, Kaiser, wouldn't pay for counseling not immediately connected with work.

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I wasn't on any kind of medication or in therapy as of 8 weeks ago, but I'm now seeing a talk therapist, have an appt with an EMDR therapist on wednesday, have seen energy healers, have taken more pharmaceuticals than I though was even possible and am basically trying everything I can think of to work through this. It's at times the scariest, most harrowing time of my life (at least since I was a small kid). And my wife isn't even due 'til March! After this, taking care of a baby might seem like child's play. Probably not…but it's nice to think that sometimes. 🙂

At least you've taken the first steps. My husband and I both had abusive fathers, and saw what our mothers went through, and we vowed not to continue the abuse, and to make sure that any child of ours, should there be a divorce, would not be used as a pawn (my situation), and we would do our best to make it easier on said child.

Admittedly, in my father's generation, going to a therapist, with or without medication, was Just Not Done. In the military of that time, going for counseling was a career ender. I went to my son's therapist and asked for help with being his parent. I knew I had no good role model, hadn't the faintest idea what was normal for boys his age, much less what's common behavior for a kid who's bipolar at seven. In some ways it helped that I was bipolar, but in other ways, it made it harder, because of *my* mood swings.

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I'm very lucky because my wife is amazing and I have created a pretty decent support system to help guide me. But it's still freaking scarier than hell. Wouldn't wish it on anyone. So I got the universal holy crap I'm going to be a dad stuff too, with a healthy dose of post traumatic stress throw in for good measure. It makes for a really good time. 🙂

You have a good support system, which is absolutely necessary. Yes, it is very scary–I will not deny that, but with help and with time, and your own ability to heal, it will get better.

I came back from my (estranged) father's funeral (I went for his brother, my uncle) and that night finally felt the first real movement inside. I was scared that my father would reincarnate in my son, and that was just too much to contemplate. I was glad that he'd died, because wouldn't have to answer uncomfortable questions that my child might ask, about why he doesn't see his grandfather. Both grandfathers died before he was born. The only grandpa he's known was my husband's mother's second husband, who was everything her first had not been. They moved here in 2004, and he was with us when he died of congestive heart disease. Edna's still with us.

I hope things will get easier for you sooner than later, but they will get easier.

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