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This topic contains 7 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by MarinaFournier 7 years, 8 months ago.

Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • #8521

    sculi2000
    ✘ Not a client

    Hi everyone. My name is Scott and I just joined Insomnia Land. I'm 45 years old and have had relatively brief, mild bouts of insomnia a few times over the years, but the last three months I've had the worst most brutal insomnia I've ever experienced. A lot of it probably has something to do with the fact that I'm going to be a father for the first time in March. There's a lot of stress and anxiety about it, and it's really affecting my sleep. Which is awesome…because it just creates more stress and anxiety. I'm in a bad feedback loop mostly.

    I joined Insomnia Land so I could connect with folks mostly. It feels like I'm never going to get a good night's sleep again, even though my rational self knows I will. I'm just wondering how other folks deal with it when their insomnia is pretty bad.

    Anyways, thanks for letting me join in.

    #13231

    Margaret
    ✘ Not a client

    Welcome to the list, Scott. I had to chuckle when I saw the cause of your insomnia was an upcoming baby. My husband did the same thing forty years ago. His anxiety fell away from him when he first held his little girl in his arms. I hope it will be the same for you. Margaret

    #13232

    sculi2000
    ✘ Not a client
    'Margaret' wrote on '24:

    Welcome to the list, Scott. I had to chuckle when I saw the cause of your insomnia was an upcoming baby. My husband did the same thing forty years ago. His anxiety fell away from him when he first held his little girl in his arms. I hope it will be the same for you. Margaret

    Thanks Margaret! It's good to hear that. My wife and I share your hope. A lot. 🙂

    #13233

    Caers
    ✘ Not a client

    Halloo! You know, no matter the reason for it, it still sucks. O_O Welcome aboard!

    #13234

    Martin Reed
    ★ Admin

    Welcome to Insomnia Land, Scott! Here's hoping your insomnia is only temporary. Have you looked into any natural insomnia treatments? If your insomnia is caused by anxiety and worry, it may possible to treat it without medication.

    #13235

    MarinaFournier
    ✘ Not a client
    'sculi2000' wrote on '24:

    A lot of it probably has something to do with the fact that I'm going to be a father for the first time in March. There's a lot of stress and anxiety about it, and it's really affecting my sleep. Which is awesome…because it just creates more stress and anxiety. I'm in a bad feedback loop mostly.

    My husband's asleep, or I'd ask him if he had any anxiety at that point. Mind you, I was already doing the diet&exercise control for gestational diabetes at the 2nd month. I was tested due to age (30), weight (190) and family history of diabetes–DO NOT worry about this part. However, if at the usual time, your wife IS dx'd with GDM, write me directly. If that's in her future, she will have an easier time than I did, as she most likely doesn't have the risk factors I had, and mere dietary changes and exercise will take care of it.

    About what are you anxious? Is it something that talking to new dads–or even dads of older kids would help? As Martin said, if anxiety is at the root of your insomnia, there're plenty of remedies for that, including non-chemical ones, such as yoga, relaxation exercises, and therapy–maybe there's even a group of first-time dads-to-be run by a local hospital or medical group.

    Feel free to air it here, if you like. We won't laugh, call the cops, or think you're any stranger than any of us are already!

    #13236

    sculi2000
    ✘ Not a client
    'MarinaFournier' wrote on '28:

    My husband's asleep, or I'd ask him if he had any anxiety at that point. Mind you, I was already doing the diet&exercise control for gestational diabetes at the 2nd month. I was tested due to age (30), weight (190) and family history of diabetes–DO NOT worry about this part. However, if at the usual time, your wife IS dx'd with GDM, write me directly. If that's in her future, she will have an easier time than I did, as she most likely doesn't have the risk factors I had, and mere dietary changes and exercise will take care of it.

    About what are you anxious? Is it something that talking to new dads–or even dads of older kids would help? As Martin said, if anxiety is at the root of your insomnia, there're plenty of remedies for that, including non-chemical ones, such as yoga, relaxation exercises, and therapy–maybe there's even a group of first-time dads-to-be run by a local hospital or medical group.

    Feel free to air it here, if you like. We won't laugh, call the cops, or think you're any stranger than any of us are already!

    That's good! I'm having a hell of a time dealing with my wife being pregnant because I was an abused kid, and while I thought I had worked through most of that stuff already, a TON of it has reemerged now. It was emotional, not physical, but it was pretty violent all the same. It's at times overwhelming. I wasn't on any kind of medication or in therapy as of 8 weeks ago, but I'm now seeing a talk therapist, have an appt with an EMDR therapist on wednesday, have seen energy healers, have taken more pharmaceuticals than I though was even possible and am basically trying everything I can think of to work through this. It's at times the scariest, most harrowing time of my life (at least since I was a small kid). And my wife isn't even due 'til March! After this, taking care of a baby might seem like child's play. Probably not…but it's nice to think that sometimes. 🙂

    I'm very lucky because my wife is amazing and I have created a pretty decent support system to help guide me. But it's still freaking scarier than hell. Wouldn't wish it on anyone. So I got the universal holy crap I'm going to be a dad stuff too, with a healthy dose of post traumatic stress throw in for good measure. It makes for a really good time. 🙂

    #13237

    MarinaFournier
    ✘ Not a client
    'sculi2000' wrote on '28:

    I'm having a hell of a time dealing with my wife being pregnant because I was an abused kid, and while I thought I had worked through most of that stuff already, a TON of it has reemerged now

    This happens a lot–to the point where those of us who are friends to the abused, are aware of it. I've known a couple of people whose memories of abuse became much sharper again when kids were on the way, or at some point in their lives when abuse started. I'm sorry this happened to you.

    Quote:
    It was emotional, not physical, but it was pretty violent all the same. It's at times overwhelming.

    Yeah, my father was good at that, too. He always said the hurtful words were “just sarcasm”, and yes, it is overwhelming. What he did to my mother inflicted PTSD on her. I think he was an undiagnosed bipolar. When I started thinking about his behavior after I was dx'd, I knew where his peaks and lows were in the year. He did a real good number on me, my sister, and our mother. My sister has had an eating disorder her entire life, and mere bariatric surgery wasn't enough to stop the comfort eating. Her employer, Kaiser, wouldn't pay for counseling not immediately connected with work.

    Quote:
    I wasn't on any kind of medication or in therapy as of 8 weeks ago, but I'm now seeing a talk therapist, have an appt with an EMDR therapist on wednesday, have seen energy healers, have taken more pharmaceuticals than I though was even possible and am basically trying everything I can think of to work through this. It's at times the scariest, most harrowing time of my life (at least since I was a small kid). And my wife isn't even due 'til March! After this, taking care of a baby might seem like child's play. Probably not…but it's nice to think that sometimes. 🙂

    At least you've taken the first steps. My husband and I both had abusive fathers, and saw what our mothers went through, and we vowed not to continue the abuse, and to make sure that any child of ours, should there be a divorce, would not be used as a pawn (my situation), and we would do our best to make it easier on said child.

    Admittedly, in my father's generation, going to a therapist, with or without medication, was Just Not Done. In the military of that time, going for counseling was a career ender. I went to my son's therapist and asked for help with being his parent. I knew I had no good role model, hadn't the faintest idea what was normal for boys his age, much less what's common behavior for a kid who's bipolar at seven. In some ways it helped that I was bipolar, but in other ways, it made it harder, because of *my* mood swings.

    Quote:
    I'm very lucky because my wife is amazing and I have created a pretty decent support system to help guide me. But it's still freaking scarier than hell. Wouldn't wish it on anyone. So I got the universal holy crap I'm going to be a dad stuff too, with a healthy dose of post traumatic stress throw in for good measure. It makes for a really good time. 🙂

    You have a good support system, which is absolutely necessary. Yes, it is very scary–I will not deny that, but with help and with time, and your own ability to heal, it will get better.

    I came back from my (estranged) father's funeral (I went for his brother, my uncle) and that night finally felt the first real movement inside. I was scared that my father would reincarnate in my son, and that was just too much to contemplate. I was glad that he'd died, because wouldn't have to answer uncomfortable questions that my child might ask, about why he doesn't see his grandfather. Both grandfathers died before he was born. The only grandpa he's known was my husband's mother's second husband, who was everything her first had not been. They moved here in 2004, and he was with us when he died of congestive heart disease. Edna's still with us.

    I hope things will get easier for you sooner than later, but they will get easier.

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