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Hi Martin,
Thank you so, so very much for your thoughtful and detailed response to this post. It is much easier for somebody else to list your achievements than to do it yourself, and your comment allowed myself to feel proud of the work I’ve done in the past 18 months, not in becoming a better sleeper, but for the progress and changes I’ve made in improving my mental health and the ways in which I cope with my anxiety.
I always shrugged mindfulness off as a corporate buzzword that therapists tout as a miracle cure; however, I have discovered, and continue to discover, that it is powerful at its core. I did not realise until I began reading more on the subject that a lot of your teachings are built upon mindfulness, namely the key principle that has helped me reduce the noise in my head – that being in the present is what recovery is built upon, after rationalising the thoughts and fears and engaging in acceptance. Self-kindness is the invaluable cherry on top.
I still have fear, and after readjusting my dose following a conversation with my GP, I am reducing my anti-depressants once again and experiencing some of those same panicky/anxious feelings and thoughts. Whether this is down to the meds, who knows, but whatever the cause I am doing my best to respond using mindfulness and with the knowledge that I always have a choice in how I react. Easier said than done, but it’s a comfort. I don’t know if anxiety will ever leave me again like it did before, but I don’t have to fight or struggle.
In answer to your question/s, my initial response was “when I was sleeping well on a near-constant basis”, but what this actually means is “when I wasn’t as anxious about my sleep and my mind felt lighter” – through revisiting all that I practiced during this period, I might not sleep perfectly, but I can lessen my anxiety and be more present. Therefore, the ‘good old days’ are never in the past. All I have is this present moment and I am committing to be as in it, not only one toe but both feet and all the rest of me, as fully as I can for as long as I have it.
Many thanks again,
Molly
Thank you Martin, this was very helpful – I’ve been keeping it in mind and remembering there’s no “delete button”
Hi Martin,
Thank you for your thorough and informative response.
It is hard to accept (ironically) that radical acceptance is not a quick fix but an ongoing, often difficult practice; however, I have been enjoying giving it a go this week with no specific goal in mind other than acceptance and calming the response mechanism of my nervous system. This has also been the case with my sleep window.
It is also very helpful to remember what you said at the end of your message, that we are always in control of our responses to thoughts and feelings. It’s an empowering thought!
Many thanks again.
Molly H
Hi Martin,
Thanks for the detailed response!
All of that makes sense. I’ve been going to bed whenever I feel sleepy/feels right, even if it cuts into my usual 7 hour sleep goal, and getting up at 7 everyday, even on a weekend (in the past weekends were my safe space because I could stay in bed as long as needed).
I like the idea of keeping a more rigid sleep window there as an option if I need it in the future, in the case of a distressing flare up.
I’m still struggling with the sleep anxiety to an extent and what to do if I can’t sleep so I’m looking forward to carrying on with the course. Also, my issue has always been falling asleep full stop but recently it’s been waking up too early and not being able to fall back to sleep! So I look forward to hearing more about this.
Best wishes,
Molly
