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Thanks Martin, this absolutely does make sense and although I am trying to fake it til i make it, there’s still that analytical part of me that can be hard to quieten some days.
I guess I am at that stage where although I know the right things to do, but it’s difficult to maintain being zen while still experiencing mostly bad nights, with some good ones peppered through, so that part tends to mess with my head in the sense of doing all the right things but not getting the results. I guess that says I still need to let go.
In terms of progress, i’m able to fall asleep easier, which is great, I still wake (and I am ok with that) but when I go back to sleep I get woken back up straight away with a strange sound. It’s almost like a the sound of a deep cow noise (don’t laugh) haha. I say that because it sounds like a breathing out sound rather than a breathing in sound (which would be more akin to a snore)….what is odd is that there’s no feeling in my nose or throat of it actually being a real snore, as in no vibration in my throat or sensation in my nose (I know that sounds odd). It comes with the slightest of hypnic jerk feelings, but it’s not a jolt – I have experienced those before, it’s not a panicked falling feeling but I would still say it’s a startle of some kind.
I only get this when trying to go back to sleep after already sleeping fine with no interuption for approx 4 hours. I do get some nasal congestion as part of cfs but never to the point where i can’t breathe through my nose, so it’s not anything like a bad cold or anything like that just stuffy and a bit dry.
Interestingly, I recorded myself one night with audio only during a bad period of this noisy/jerk thing and there was nothing on the recording, no sound and it made me question whether i was hearing the sound or physically making the sound.
I am definitely a troubleshooter by nature and i know this has perpetuated sleep issues in the past, but with this new recent experience, I guess i have been questioning whether I perhaps have sleep apnea, but the only time i’ve experienced this is during severe sleep deprivation (and this would be one of those times) since i’m not getting much reprieve/good nights at present.
I guess what I find strange is that that I can sleep for 4 hours perfectly consistently…and when I do wake I am not snoring, nor am I gasping for breath, or jolting at all..I wake quite peacefully during the night, but once I consciously try to nod back off and have that time to think, I there seems to be some weird resistance to that exact point that I am about to let go and transition to sleep again, almost as though my brain says ‘but wait, we need to stay awake for a while’ just at the point of nodding off.
I wondered what you make of this experience and whether you think it sounds more psychological, or whether I should in fact investigate my airways (which I fear is likely to be an expensive exercise to no avail)? I guess it’s hard to say and I am not expecting medical advice here, but whether this has come up before with anyone else?
I’m thinking that i might try lots of meditation throughout the day to see if it improves first. If not, then perhaps further investigation.
; )
Thanks so much, yes when i referred to being on the right path, i meant the things i am now starting to read around thoughts becoming things and the need to rewire the brain also that realisation from you yesterday was HUGE for me in that i have blamed insomnia as being this awful beast that needs to be tamed in order to get well, and now I realise it’s actually my mind that needs to change in order to get well and sleep well. It’s been 14 years of disrupted sleep and other health challenges, so for me i have found it difficult to change my mindset when i am repeatedly presented with the physical symptoms that make like pretty tough. I do place a lot of blame on myself for how i impact other people’s lives (particularly my son) in terms of having the energy to do various things. I think ultimately I need to re teach my brain that I am no longer living in fear…and I feel somewhat lost about the most effective way to let go of the fear, let go of the blame, let go of the guilt and to accept it all while still proactively doing the right thing for sleep to come. It’s true that i have definitely over-focused on the latter over the years. Thanks also for the sleep coach school content you referred to. Very helpful.
Wow, this is like my story but i have only just started CBT-i…so good to hear it can turn around.
Thanks so much for writing this. Absolutely, it’s my belief or worry about whether I am unfixable that needs to change – after a 3 year period of ill health, i ended up with terrible health anxiety and lack of sleep just made it worse, so fretting about health with insomnia as the overarching obstacle that has felt like something i have been unable to fix no matter what – it has all come together as one big beast that needs to be tackled. It is 100% my mindset that needs work – I have started listening to affirmations, noticing and labeling thoughts and I genuinely do daily meditation and yin yoga. I definitely need to get out of my own head. I really appreciate you writing this, which confirms that I am going in the right direction in terms of knowing what to do, it will just take time to rewrite the programs that have been running for some time now. Thank you!
I guess this wasnt something that the psychologist said to me, he said there were no guarantees, but with the new bedtimes, he said ‘typically’ it improves week by week. I am not expecting perfect sleep after 2 weeks, but i guess i thought i would have had a similar week not a worse than the first week. I’m an overthinker and even having the diary with it all in front of me means it’s on my mind – but all the more so it’s all the symptoms that come from even worse sleep that fuels me worrying about how much sleep i get. I dont mind waking up, i know that is normal, but so long as i go back to sleep, that is the tricky part for me. Im finding it hard to have no expectations at all and go with the flow on this but i guess i just gotta keep moving forward.
