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Hi Neal & Martin,
I was about to post a note after my recent 6-month review, but having read yours Neal it’s uncannily similar to what I would have posted anyway.
I too still experience some nights that aren’t what I’d wish them to be but developing the ability to separate myself from my thoughts, and to see them as just thoughts that come and go definitely has helped. I’ve also learned that if a night is an uncomfortable one it does not automatically mean the following day is a struggle – I’ve had some great days after rough nights. That all leads to the nights not being as fraught as they used to be.
Overall, it’s my attitude toward the sleep that I get that’s made the biggest difference to me, and I’m finding myself gradually releasing the pressure around sleep so its slowly improving.
I still slip and find myself desperate to know what the time is if i wake and it’s still dark, I can usually let that go, but not every time.While I’d love to know that I’ll get a solid night sleep every time I lay my head down, no longer being terrified of missing out on sleep means it is happening more often anyway. This is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to learn, it’s a work in progress, but a big improvement on where I started.
Hi Martin, not sure if you’ll get this note or not as my 6 weeks is up.
“you can practice acknowledging your thoughts, making space for them to exist, and then continuing to do things that matter — even in their presence”
I’ve translated that for my simple brain to mean I am going to live my life as though insomnia doesn’t exist, in so far as I will do what I would do if there was no issue. I feel a little like I’ve been navel-gazing and looking for trouble around sleep/wakefulness…and it’s no surprise that I’ve found it.
I know that means that troublesome thoughts may arise but I’m aiming to recognise them for what they are, just thoughts, and carry on with what I want to do anyway. I feel like having and doing things that are important in my life will take up a lot of the space that I’ve been filling by focussing on sleep, which I guess is what you’ve been trying to get across to us all this time.
Am i on target with the ‘insomnia does exist’ shorthand? Perhaps it should be, it does exist but it doesnt matter?
Hi NikC14,
An analogy I’ve found really useful, for both daytime and nighttime anxiety, is the one where the brain is seen as a busy railway station, with the thoughts that come and go the trains.
In the past I’d be at the station and jump on any train that arrived and it took me to some unpleasant destinations, and I thought I had no ability or choice to get off.
I’m learning now that acknowledging and naming the thought is the equivalent of looking at the destination on the front of the train, and I can then decide if I choose to get on that train (of thought) or not. I’m finding, both day and nighttime, that if I let a negative thought go, it doesn’t then build into a story that can ‘take me down’. Simply acknowledging the thought and recognising where it might take me was a revelation…I had no idea how many negative thoughts I had.
No idea if that will help, but i wanted to try as I feel your pain. This approach has helped me dial down the hyper-arousal somewhat (not totally), and it feels like I needed to do that generally in my life rather than just trying to ‘fix my sleep issue’. I’m sure Martin will moderate out anything that shouldnt be here!
Good Luck, Noel.
Got it.
I think I’ve also just realised that rather than doing this course and ‘making the wakefulness go away’, what I’m doing is developing skills to cope with wakefulness and not get caught up in fighting it. (I know, razor-sharp aren’t I :-)?
The ability to cope with it doesn’t mean it isn’t there anymore, rather it means the impact isn’t as great as it might otherwise have been…and a potential byproduct of that is that it can diminish. The trick is not to make that the goal though, but to focus on developing the coping skills.
Yes! Ok, that does make more sense for me now.
I’m not putting on the blinkers or fingers in my ears (lalala) and pretending wakefulness/difficult emotions aren’t there…that would be VERY difficult…but I’m only giving them a little attention, enough to acknowledge them, but no more.
So…with more attention on the important things in life, the worries become less prominent?
I’m sort of expanding my attention away from those worries rather than focussing on diminishing them (which would take focus on them, just want I don’t want to do)?“When you feel wide awake, why do you get out of bed to read? What’s your intent there?”
Hi Martin – based on what I’ve learned here I think it’s about breaking the association between bed and mental/emotional struggle. I’ve been fearful of going to bed in the past and don’t want that experience again, so I get up and read to take myself physically away and to distract myself. (Getting into bed initially and dropping off is not a problem now, but returning to sleep after waking up in the night is).
But what I think you’re getting at is do I really do it to ensure i get sleep at some point later? Well, yes, I think I do…I suppose I think that’s the whole point of the course, but I think you may correct me on that?Further to that first post Martin, five nights in a row now where I’ve woken in the middle of the night, and it feels like I go straight to wide awake mode regardless of what I think. I am getting out of bed and reading when this happens.
I do notice that I’m not getting as upset whilst that happens – I’m not freaking out as I did initially – but even though I can remain fairly calm, I’m just not getting back to sleep.
I’ve shortened my sleep window to 1130pm-545am in the hope that it may help generate enough sleep pressure to get me through, at the moment I think I’m averaging 4-4.5 hours sleep so that might have to tighten up further, the thought of which does generate a little more anxiety…it is starting to get me down a bit, especially after a good run where I thought I’d cracked this…Hi C5properties, I found the same, with the sleep window being the bedrock of efforts (not the best word) to address my sleeplessness. It took a while to kick in, but I started to get more consolidated sleep with few rough nights around week 3 (I started applying the sleep window based on Martins free online info, and before moving to the paid course).
I’ve just come to the end of Week 2 of this paid course now and things are really settling down for me, with far more consistent sleep of around 6 hours each night. Its transformative.
I had one night that I think really turned things for me when I woke and was able to step back from the voice in my head. It railed against being awake, and I managed to say to myself ‘ah hello problem solving brain, you’re here to help again are you’…and for some reason, that night it worked. I was able to go back to sleep for the first time in ages and things have improved since.
I found the behavioral side of things ok to apply, (sleep window, stimulus control etc.) and the cognitive side of things more difficult. That just felt amorphous, hard to grasp, but persistence seems to be paying off. I’m sure it will for you too. I know I felt lonely and absolutely desperate for a time, and things are turning for me now, so I’m sure they can and will for you.
Hang in there, you can do it.Thanks Martin, I’ve had three nights in a row of improved sleep now, but actually had to stop and think about how many as I’m not tracking this as closely now. Letting go of that ‘how am i performing’ approach seems to have helped a bit.
I have woken a couple of times but the arousal levels seemed a little diminished versus what I’d experienced previously, so I’m starting to get a few positive experiences that i can see are evidence for improvement. I’ll continue to try to fill my days with good stuff and see what comes from there…
Thank you again, this is making a big difference to my day to day life, NoelHi C5properties, I hope you were able to get some sleep? It sounds like it might have been tricky. I know when I first started the sleep window i was all over the place with sleep, a good night’s sleep followed by bad, then good as I was soo tired, then bad as I felt rested.
It took me a week to start to notice that the variations were starting to flatten out a bit, and a few weeks to be able to get a couple of good nights back to back2, but i think that varies for everyone. The key for me was sticking with the sleep window, especially the get out of bed time. I had to really force myself some days but i think it paid off.
I’m not out of the woods yet by any means but I’ve had some successes that I couldnt have imagined before starting this programme, so I’m starting to build some faith. Hang in there, it will turn for you. NoelHi C5properties, isn’t it a relief to find someone with knowledge of CBT & ACT principles but with a particular view of their application to insomnia?
I certainly remember the feeling of relief when I found this site and group, there were finally people speaking the same language as me, and I found myself nodding along and shouting ‘Yes’ when listening to podcasts.
I think that feeling of a lightening of the load is where we’re headed, but I’ve a lot to learn yet. It seems there are a few of us on the road together – welcome.Thanks Phoenix88. I must admit I was wary of spending money on a course that I wasn’t really sure was legit, but the free info provided, the 2 weeks of e-mail instruction and the interaction I’ve had with Martin convinced me it was a worthy investment.
I’ve actually been in touch with another group locally (in Brisbane) that use CBTi techniques, and they align very closely with the course content here, so there was validation from an independent source too. It sounds like I’m very suspicious, but I just wanted to ensure I wasn’t going to pour time and effort into something that wasn’t what it said it was. I’m happy I took the step and look forward to learning more. Hopefully we can share some success stories.
