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Had a good visit with family thanks to Ambien, which I took every night. But last night I got back on the program and basically had a nil night. I’m a zombie today. Hope it gets better soon.
Manfred – on a night by night basis, you just tell yourself that you’re “resting” and that you may or may not sleep. Then relax as much as possible. Chances are you’ll get at least some sleep if you don’t “try to sleep” or worry about it. If you keep this up it will get better over time. But since CBT-I worked well for you before, I would go back to that.
I’m back to sleeping pills at least through the weekend. I hate to do this and I also hate postponing the therapy. But the other option is to spend the weekend exhausted while I’m visiting with family. I’ll take the pills.
I agree, Mac, that it should get better over time and that we’ll learn things during the rough times to help us in the future.
Yesterday was rough because I was so tired. Worst of all was my mood which was depressed. Amazing how you can go from so hopeful to starting to doubt everything. Anyway, tried to let it all go. Went to bed and fell asleep right away. Yay! I feel fine today. Hope this keeps up…….but if it doesn’t, keep accepting……
Manfred, did you do CBT-I or ACT to recover? Whatever it was, it worked for you, so don’t be discouraged. Just get back on the program and you’ll get better again. I know that first relapse is a real heartbreaker though. You think you’re finally over with this for good, and then it’s right back.
Delv – I’ve napped before at night (usually after a strong dinner drink) and had no problems in the past. I would just get up, brush my teeth, go back to bed and fall asleep. Even during my two month recovery I napped once at night and there was no problem. But this time I couldn’t fall asleep and finally I got up at 3:00 and took a pill. I thought I would sleep fine the next night, but I ended up awake most of the night. Like Mac said, we are fragile without realizing it. Consciously I thought I was good but unconsciously I wasn’t, and this kept me awake the second night even though I was relaxed all night.
Just one bad night seems to make me lose confidence in my ability to sleep, even if I’m not aware of it on a conscious level and think I’m ok and will get right back to sleeping normally again. Hopefully after I have more recovery time under my belt, I won’t relapse so easily or as badly. This recent relapse happened when my recovery was still fragile so it wasn’t a good idea for me to take a nap in the evening.
The trigger for me is not being able to fall asleep one night. The two stupid things just led to that – first the extra drink and then taking a nap. With my last relapse I just got too hot one night and couldn’t fall asleep. Then the insomnia started.
The stupid thing I did to trigger the insomnia, Mac, well actually two things, was this. Friday night we went out for dinner. I usually have only one drink but I had two. First mistake. It really conked me out. When I got home I laid down and fell asleep. When I woke up I realized that I had slept really deep. When I went to bed then I couldn’t fall asleep. So that was the trigger. I felt pretty laid back the next day, thinking that I could get right back on track, but it hasn’t worked out that way. It seems like I have to go through the whole course of one of two weeks of ACT again to get back to normal. And if I’m not on my way to recovery before this weekend, I’ll resort to sleeping pills again for a few days so that I can enjoy my visit with family. That will set me back even further. Oh well.
Last night was another long night. Was able to stay calm all night but didn’t sleep again until the morning for 1 or 2 hours. I’m almost a zombie today, dragging myself around. I’ll take a nap in the early afternoon to help me get through the rest of the day. This seems to work well for me.
I did something a few nights ago which has triggered another relapse. Dang it! And just in time for a trip this weekend visiting family in another state. The first night I ended up taking an Ambien around 3:00, hoping that the next night I would fall right back into things and recover quickly. But the next night was a long night. I accepted things, but it was long with maybe a couple hours of sleep in the early morning. Last night was long too. At around 2:00 I found myself getting frustrated. I knew that frustration wasn’t going to help and would just prolong my recovery, but it was hard to let it go. Finally I got up, journaled for awhile and settled down. I went back to bed and had light sleep for the rest of the night. I’m tired today.
Oh well, I guess I’ll be “learning” something again from this relapse. For one thing, when my recovery is still fragile, don’t do anything stupid. I had only been insomnia-free for a month. Also, try not to have any expectations, which just leads to frustration. This only gets in the way and slows down the recovery. Not so easy to do though. But I’ll do whatever I need to do to let go of any negative thoughts so that I can relax again, whether it be journaling or something else. I have no other choice if I want to sleep well again soon.
I love the way that people help each other here. Like Borgesbi sharing how she personified her struggles with you, Nik, which helped you. This might be something you may want try, Taylor. Dr. Guy talks about this in the book in the chapter on “Welcoming.” Think about your anxiety as a feeling separate from yourself, like some creature that gets anxious a lot but just can’t help it. You might end up feeling sorry for the poor anxious thing. Welcome and accept him and then this will create some distance from the feeling instead of it overwhelming you. This is also where mindfulness helps. Through practice you begin to recognize that your thoughts and feelings are not “YOU” but just thoughts and feelings. So you can do something about them. Here’s a great quote: “Don’t Believe Everything You Think.”
Nik, I really like this quote you posted from the book – “Any attempts to fight, avoid, change or get rid of experiencing your insomnia tell your brain that you are being threatened, triggering your innate survival response. In this moment you become mentally and physically alert as your brain prepares you to stand and fight or withdraw in flight.” I would also include in that list FRUSTRATION. I think this is what happened to you, Mac. Although you’re much better than last year (thank goodness!) you get impatient and frustrated and as a result, the fear creeps back in. So then your whole nervous system gets stirred up again and of course, you can’t relax and sleep. I’m glad you slept a little better last night, Mac. If you can, take this as a sign that you can sleep and can get better, and try to relax. Your progress may not always be a straight line going upward, but instead with ups and downs with gradual upward progress. Or go back to SRT if that’s what you think you need to do to calm down your system.
Nik – I’m thrilled to hear that you have recovered! I was wondering how you were doing. I was aware that you did a lot of overthinking and was wondering if you ever learned to “do nothing.” Thank you so much for sharing your testimony and giving others hope.
Each one of us has our own journey, as Martin has said. For myself, getting into the accepting state of mind was fairly easy. Like Borgesbi said, I could “push the acceptance button” and get right back into that state. But then I had other barriers to deal with like during this recent relapse, worrying that ACT wasn’t going to work for me like it did before. For others it may be not sticking to it long enough, or maybe a mind that ruminates instead of relaxes in bed. So we each have our own journey.
Taylor – When my anxiety was too much for me then I would get out of bed. Usually I would journal for awhile and then realize that I was struggling again instead of just accepting. Then I would gently laugh at myself thinking, “Oh, there you go again” and go back to bed and fall asleep. If you can let go of the anxiety and calm yourself in bed, that’s great. But if you just can’t, then get up and do something to calm yourself down. I usually was never up that long, maybe 30-45 minutes at the most.
I am listed in Psychology today online as the only marriage coach in Huntsville, AL. But google “marriage counseling in Huntsville, AL” to find me. On my psychology today profile there’s a link to my website. Go there and then you can email or call me directly. But if you call, leave a message because I don’t pick up if I don’t recognize the number.
Mac – one more thing. Don’t feel bad about going back to SRT. Remember that I was a yo yo too. First I did SRT for 2 months, then tried to do ACT on my own for a month or so, failed and went back to SRT for another couple months, got frustrated again and went back to ACT again, this time with Dr. Kat’s help, and finally recovered. I remember Martin telling me that everyone has their own journey. So true.
If anyone here could use some “hand-holding” in practicing ACT, please get in touch with me and I would be happy to help. I am a trained counselor and have lots of experience helping people get through difficult situations that were too hard to deal with on their own. Because I hate insomnia and know how miserable it is, I am willing to do this for free.
