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I responded with this below on your other post, but not sure if it’s showing up. So here it is again.
Two years – that’s a long time to be suffering from this. I think it’s time for you to get help, my friend. If you can’t come up with the $500, pay the $70 each week. When you start seeing progress, you’ll realize that it was well worth the expense. Martin will give you the support you need to do the sleep restriction. Yes, it may be difficult the first week or so, but what’s one or two weeks in comparison with the two years you’ve already suffered? I also dreaded the thought of trying these methods and when I tried it by myself, I just seemed to make things worse. Having someone to “hold my hand” through the process has really helped me.
I only had one night of sleep restriction so far, but I slept 5.75 of the restricted 6 hours, so that was great. But I don’t expect it to be this easy each time. I’ll let you know how it goes this week. There’s a link to another client of Martin’s who did it and she said (or he) that the first few days sucked and then it started getting better. She had been struggling with insomnia for 10 years.
https://insomniacoach.com/forums/topic/you-can-do-it (If this doesn’t work, go to the forum topic, “Sleep restriction” and scroll down to Martin’s comment.) It’s very hopeful and shows that these methods work.
I read the book by Sasha Stephens who had insomnia for 15 years. Her turning point came when was she went away for a retreat and was forced to go to bed late every night after a long exhausting day and get up early at the same time every morning for several days. So let the behavioral changes lead the way and then I think your emotions and everything else will start to fall into place.
Two years – that’s a long time to be suffering from this. I think it’s time for you to get help, my friend. If you can’t come up with the $500, pay the $70 each week. When you start seeing progress, you’ll realize that it was well worth the expense. Martin will give you the support you need to do the sleep restriction. Yes, it may be difficult the first week or so, but what’s one or two weeks in comparison with the two years you’ve already suffered? I also dreaded the thought of trying these methods and when I tried it by myself, I just seemed to make things worse. Having someone to “hold my hand” through the process has really helped me.
I only had one night of sleep restriction so far, but I slept 5.75 of the restricted 6 hours, so that was great. But I don’t expect it to be this easy each time. I’ll let you know how it goes this week. There’s a link to another client of Martin’s who did it and she said (or he) that the first few days sucked and then it started getting better. She had been struggling with insomnia for 10 years.
https://insomniacoach.com/forums/topic/you-can-do-it (If this doesn’t work, go to the forum topic, “Sleep restriction” and scroll down to Martin’s comment.) It’s very hopeful and shows that these methods work.
I read the book by Sasha Stephens who had insomnia for 15 years. Her turning point came when was she went away for a retreat and was forced to go to bed late every night after a long exhausting day and get up early at the same time every morning for several days. So let the behavioral changes lead the way and then I think your emotions and everything else will start to fall into place.
Two months. Yes, I thought I had it, but obviously I didn’t. Last week also, I thought I had it – I was falling asleep easily on the couch. And then that stopped working. I think we can try a lot of different things and think that we’ve finally got it figured out…….until it stops working. About fear – I wish I could say that I could push it away on my own – yes that would be simpler and cheaper, but I couldn’t. It’s so intricately intertwined with the insomnia. So what comes first – get rid of the fear first and then you can sleep? Or start sleeping better which then reduces fear? Maybe it’s different for different people.
I see a lot of folks on this forum who seem to have been struggling with insomnia a lot longer than I have. Seems to me it’s worth it to pay $500 (for me, this is one week’s paycheck) then to keep struggling, keep trying different things over and over. The longer I struggle, the deeper it will become entrenched. I don’t want that. I want to get on with my life and put this behind me.
I’ve worked with Martin now a little over a week. Based on my sleep diary and the number of hours I was sleeping, he told me to start implementing the sleep restriction therapy of 6 hours per night at the same time every night. I could choose the time, so it could be 11 to 5, 12 to 6, etc. I chose 12 to 6. At first when he said this, everything inside me wanted to rebel against it. I wanted to say, “You want me to get up at 6:00, even though a lot of nights I’m not even falling asleep until 4 or 5? That’s crazy! I can’t do that!” But the more I thought about it, the more it began to make sense. It’s like so many other things in life, where we need structure and consistency. Then the body and mind can begin to relax and settle into the new, dependable routine.
Like you, Daf, I was sleeping on the couch for awhile because I couldn’t sleep in bed. But then that stopped working. Anyway, last night was my first night of sleep restriction. I slept 5.75 out of the 6 hours. Also, it was the first time in a long time that I slept the whole night in bed. So off to a good start.
I’m liking working with Martin because he’s very responsive to my emails and questions. So I feel like I’m getting the help when I need it. I had tried to implement the stimulus control method by myself, but was having an awful time with it. So now if I have any problems with these techniques I can ask Martin instead of trying to figure out everything on my own (and wasting many nights of sleep over it.)
What is NST? Yeah, the SCT and SRT are not for wimps! I first read about them in a book and the author recommended getting the support of a cognitive behavioral therapist to do this work because it’s not easy. That’s why I decided to hire Martin. I figured there were probably a lot of cognitive behavioral therapists where I lived, but probably none with this particular expertise. I had my first night of SRT last night and slept 5.5 hours out of the restricted 6 hours. Off to a good start.
Ok, another bad night. Enough is enough. I’ve hired this guy to help me. If I can feel like I’m actually making progress it will be worth every penny of the $499. So far, I’m cautious. Will let you know how this goes.
I’ve had a setback and had a bad night last night. So I’ve accepted the fact that I’m not completely healed yet. I realized that somehow I had been able to keep the fear at bay for the last four nights and that’s how I was able to sleep. But the fear was still there, lurking around the perimeter and waiting for the perfect moment to strike, which it finally did last night.
So it was a rough night and I felt very discouraged. But now in the light of a day and with a little distance from it, I’m able to see it with more perspective. I’m thinking of this now as two steps forward and one step back. I’ve just got more to learn. My challenge now is to learn how to deal with fear and not just keep it at bay. I’m absolutely certain that fear is the main culprit in insomnia and that we have to learn how to win over it instead of being controlled by it.
BTW, madmax, I read the book yesterday. A lot of good points. I disagreed with some of them though like never participating in a forum like this. I think it can be useful if you’re able to find some good suggestions (like the book) or maybe help someone else. But I would not want to do this just to commiserate with others. Also, she’s completely against naps. But I take a very brief nap (only for 20 minutes once a day) when I just can’t bear the exhaustion anymore (usually later in the day). They always give me a second wind and then I can make it through the rest of the day and get to bed at the regular time. But I totally agree with her that we need to stop looking for answers outside of ourselves – like the perfect pill, meditation tape, hypnotism, etc. We all know how to sleep. The ability to do so naturally has just been obscured by all the fear and confusion.
- Stopping your fear is the single most important thing you can do.
- An interesting way of understanding pain, anxiety, depression and other MBS (Minds Body Syndrome) symptoms (I inserted insomnia) is to think of it as a bully. Studies of bullies show that they feed on the fear of their victim. This is exactly what happens with MBS symptoms (or insomnia). The more one fears it, the worse it will get because fear activates the pain and anxiety pathways in the brain. (I thought of my fear as a bully as well, and decided I didn’t need it.)
- It is vital to trust in one’s own ability to sleep. (This helped me a lot because I realized that I know how to fall asleep – I’ve been doing it my whole life!)
- Do the things you want to do on a daily basis and plan for your future. Don’t let the insomnia define you. The less you think and worry about it, the better.
I’m still not completely free from all anxiety when I go to bed. The last two months have been so traumatic that it’s natural to have some leftover fear. Last night I was thinking about things as I lay in bed and couldn’t fall asleep right away. But I reminded myself that I know how to do this, and even if it takes an hour it’s no big deal. Then I fell asleep.
That sounds like a great book. Glad you found it and I’ll probably get it to add to my collection of self-help books. I’m also a counselor, so this will be a good resource for me.
I think I’m finally over the insomnia. I “remembered” how to sleep and have slept soundly 3 nights in a row now.
That’s great that you’re optimistic. In fact it’s really important that you are and I’ll tell you why from personal experience. Last night I was having a meltdown. I’d been trying to implement the stimulus control method for the last week and things just seemed to be getting worse. I’d slept only 2 hours the last two nights and was completely exhausted. I was getting panicky and dreading going to bed, wondering if again I was going to struggle all night and not fall asleep until the sun was rising. All these negative thoughts were rushing through my mind like, “I’ve been trying different things for over 8 weeks and nothing’s working (hopelessness),” “How am I ever going to able to keep doing my job if I’m exhausted all the time?” blah, blah, blah, blah.
Anyway, I went to bed and of course couldn’t sleep. Then I got up and read from the “Unlearn Your Pain” book EXACTLY what I needed to read at that moment. The author talked about fear being the biggest enemy of all and that “stopping your fear of the symptoms is the single most important thing you can do.” He said that fear feeds the symptoms and strengthens the neuro-connections between our brain and body that are perpetuating the negative cycle. I realized that this is so true for me. If I didn’t feel fear, I could relax and then fall asleep. He then went on to explain how to rid ourselves of fear. After I read this it became so clear to me that fear has been the biggest obstacle for me and that I need to kick it out of my life. I said things to myself like, “I KNOW HOW TO FALL ASLEEP. I’VE BEEN DOING THIS MY WHOLE LIFE! So GET LOST, FEAR!” Then I went to bed and slept like a baby, sleeping over 7 & 1/2 hours and waking up completely refreshed.
If anyone wants a copy of these few pages on fear from “Unlearn Your Pain,” put your email address here and I’ll scan it into my computer and send it to you. Debbie
I also had sudden onset of insomnia 2 months ago and realized that over time I had conditioned myself to not sleep well in my bed. Recently I heard about the stimulus control method through a library book. It’s also explained on this website. I’m trying to recondition myself now using that method. I also recently have been reading a book called “Unlearn Your Pain” by Howard Schubiner, which talks about how pain can start after a stressful time and like insomnia, our brains become trained to feel this pain. It is REAL pain, not psychosomatic, but the cause is not physical and is created through the neuro-connections between the brain and body.
I really have been surprised by how quickly we can unconsciously condition ourselves. The same thing may be happening with your pain.
By the way, I’ve also had many nights of 3 to 4 hours of sleep (and several with none at all), but since I started the stimulus control method, I have some good nights of sleep. So I’m feeling hopeful about this method.
