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Dear Meherman: I can relate to how you are feeling. I too had sleep anxiety for many years and can still remember the awful feeling of hyperarousal when going to bed or even thinking about bed. It’s an awful feeling. Scott has offered some very sound advice, it takes a long time to retrain the brain that night-time wakefulness is not a threat. I used to get up and watch TV but since completing the course, I get up and read for a while, and return to bed when sleepy. Night time wakefulness still occurs, but most of the time I fall back to sleep or use some of the strategies that I learned in Martin’s course. Have faith that your sleep can improve, as well as your quality of life, but it will take time and effort. I wish you the best.
Hi, relapses sound really challenging. I too recently finished the course and am so grateful to Martin. I say “thank you Martin Reed” everyday. It’s great to hear that nothing in your life has changed even with difficult nights and the emotions that go along with that. I think that’s the most important thing of all. When I have a less than an ideal night, it’s still more workable than what I experienced before the course. I too have to learn to stop putting pressure on myself and to be self-compassionate, which are new skills for me to practice. Thank you for sharing your experience.
You have a thorough understanding of the concepts that Martin taught us and speak about them eloquently. I finished the course recently and am curious that I continue to think about the insomnia even though I no longer struggle with it. I occasionally feel the sleep anxiety and I respond with acknowledgement while making room for it. Sometimes I catch myself trying to ignore & avoid it, but then I remember that I now have tools that allow me to accept that this is who I am and to make space for it. I tell the sleep anxiety that there is no longer a battle to fight and it can leave whenever it is ready. Then I visualize it floating away on a leaf (I picture a little army dressed in black on the leaf). Martin referenced somewhere on this forum that what we do now is practice, practice and then practice again. Acceptance is key and it sounds like you have embraced this.
Thanks Martin for your follow-up questions. The new approach, accepting and making space for difficult thoughts and feelings is 100% better than my old approach: struggling and getting upset/angry. While the new approach is not always easy, since it requires using new skills that I am still getting comfortable with, I am so thankful to have it. I really like this values driven approach to life. We all have values and live by them, sometimes on an subconscious level. I really liked how you increased my awareness when you asked “how did you talk or act in a way that was aligned with those values?”. It’s the action that matters, thank you.
Hi Sriram: When I read your post describing your sleep anxiety, it was as if I was reading about my own experience. I too cannot sleep if I have something planned the next day. I certainly cannot sleep in the same room with anyone. I am in week 4 and am learning about how thoughts can trigger my sleep anxiety. Martin has taught me how a thought is a thought and nothing else. A sensation is just a sensation, one of many that we might or might not recognize throughout the day. Tonight I had “the” sensation which has always triggered thoughts/worries about sleep anxiety for me. Sometimes it just comes out of the blue, but especially if I have something planned the next day. I have let my problem solving brain do this for many years, as it tried to protect me from the struggle of insomnia. I used to struggle, get angry, frustrated, cry, it was awful. I have learned to understand how this has happened and how I was doing everything to perpetuate it. Now I know that I do not have to let my thoughts or sensations rule my nights. l have also learned to stop the struggle and to accept these thoughts and sensations. This acceptance has let me sleep better and experience night time wakefulness in a better way. I am not upset anymore when I am awake at night. We might always have anxious thoughts and I completely get what you are experiencing. Don’t try to avoid the thoughts or distract yourself from them. They are going to happen regardless. I welcome them like an old friend and address them as such. I am curious about the thought and wonder why it has arrived. I let it come in, accept it, tell it that there is no longer a struggle, and then allow it to leave. Sometimes I have to do this many times. A thought is just a thought. I will probably have to keep doing this for a long time, as the mind is incredibly complex, especially the problem solving mind. It might continue to generate these thoughts, as that is it’s job. Accept them and then let them go. I hope that helps. Martin will teach you this and much more.
Hi Alialper: I am happy that you liked “hello insomnia my old friend”. It is an easy way to reframe our thoughts about insomnia. I wish you well as you progress through the course, I am in week 3 now and have benefited so much.
I wholeheartedly support the idea of investing in our health. Someone close to me questioned whether or not I should spend the money, but I replied that it was an investment in me. We are the only ones who can look after us, and I am also so happy that I took this step.
Hi Genie – I am happy that you liked “hello insomnia my old friend”. Before I would not have thought of insomnia as a friend but now that I know about acceptance, it’s easier to greet and acknowledge it presence.
Hi Hyhan, I really like Martin’s approach to insomnia. When I started reaching out for help, my friends told me to look for someone who was familiar with CBT. I was vaguely aware of what that meant. When I saw a local therapist, she introduced ACT to me, as well as some CBT techniques. While both worked in some way for me, the ACT principles made the most difference, especially accepting instead of struggling. I was doing everything to perpetuate the insomnia without realizing it. Accepting the feelings and thoughts that go along with insomnia, instead of getting angry and struggling, was a game changer for me. I am slowly realizing that doing anything to make sleep happen, such as meditating in the evening to prevent the anxious thoughts and feelings, was still feeding the insomnia. I think I should meditate to clear my mind and be grounded, not to avoid insomnia. You know the line “hello darkness my old friend” from the Sound of Silence? I have personalized it to “hello insomnia my old friend” when the thoughts/feelings arise, and then tell “it” that it is not needed, there is no struggle going on here, and then I wish it well and send it on its way.
