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Hey all!
Sorry in advance for the long post
I was subscribed to this forum back in March and wanted to check in. The start of November marked a year since my insomnia started. It was really bad and getting through this has been one of the hardest things I have ever done.
However, I can say now that I am 95% back to normal, and I felt like I should come on here and try to explain what worked for me.
When my insomnia first started it was awful. 2-3 nights in a row sometimes of little to no sleep. The anxiety was horrible and I would spend all day and night getting these awful adrenaline rushes and constantly shaking just out of fear of not sleeping. This then transitioned into an average of 2 nights a week with no sleep, some nights of that week with mediocre sleep, and some nights with decent sleep. to say the least, it was bad.
I just want to say that it is a JOURNEY. The idea of acceptance was hard for me to grasp for a long time and there was no AHA moment where it just hit me. It was gradual.Here is what works for me:
-I went back to my normal routine before the insomnia started. I set my iPad up in bed and watch friends for a while until im tired. I don’t worry about the blue light stuff because that really is not what was causing my insomnia.
– when I turn off friends, I just turn over, close my eyes, and let my brain think about what it wants. if it wants to worry about not getting sleep, fine whatever let it worry.
– I understand what is out of my control. doing things to help me sleep just makes it worse. being worried about the fact that I am not sleeping makes it worse. knowing that there is nothing I can do when my brain just won’t sleep really helps. I just lay there and remind myself that either way, I will be laying here. I can lay here anxious about not sleeping, or I can lay here and be calm about it. Which way sounds more appealing? THIS TOOK A LOT OF PRACTICE and patience with myself.
– I DO NOT make up characters or name the emotions or physical feelings that I am getting. This gets my brain too active and it just never did anything for me.
– I appreciate that I have 8+ hours to just lay in my dark room and have quiet time for myself.
– if I get too anxious (sometimes this does happen where my brain just goes into PTSD mode because of how bad the insomnia used to be) I get up and get school work done. Why not be productive? I know this is more of a CBT technique but I only do this when I really get anxious.
– I think what did the most for me is thinking about other people that don’t get much sleep. I know this sounds weird. But professionals like doctors and nurses often have tons of weird shift changes and weird sleeping patterns. when doctors are on call in a hospital they often only get a few hours of sleep if any. In fact my neighbor caught someone breaking into my car at night because he is a doctor and barely sleeps. But he is a happy guy. For most of these people, it doesn’t really bug them because they are passionate about what they do and they keep themselves busy. They are probably tired but its not a huge deal. Its uncomfortable but you won’t lose your mind and you can still be productive. I think we catastrophize not sleeping and thats what makes insomnia so terrible.
-when I get bad sleep I just go about my day normally. I see friends, do my school work, go to work. Don’t baby yourself. this just feeds the insomnia.
-if I have a bad night sleep, I am forgiving of myself and understand this doesn’t mean I am set back to the beginning. even if I have many nights of bad sleep in a row. stay calm and have faith your sleep will go back to normal and just don’t obsess over it.
– I cover my clock. I know this goes against acceptance a bit, but this is something that has really worked for me. I check my phone before I go to sleep then I turn it over and cover my alarm clock. I have a rule that I can’t check it again until my alarm is going off, or until it is bright outside. In the mean time I will just chill in my bed if I am not asleep and not get my anxiety up by counting the hours I have left to sleep. This especially helps when I wake up in the middle of the night and start to worry if I will be able to fall back to sleep. If I dont check my clock I often find im back to sleep before I know it.I think finally its just really important to understand that overcoming your insomnia is not some technique that either works or does not work. ACT is a concept and a mindset more than a technique.
I am not worried that the insomnia will come back full force or that all of my progress will disappear one day. This is because my mindset has changed and I am learning and growing. This isn’t a technique that will work one day and not the next. It is a learning and healing process. I used to really worry that the insomnia would come back and felt super insecure about any progress made. This was mostly when I used ACT as a technique to help me sleep rather than changing my mindset and lifestyle and attitude towards insomnia. Like I said, this was a long process and I had to be patient.
Don’t give up and let insomnia take over your life. Also, don’t let obsession over sleep rule your life either. There is so much life to live and being awake is a blessing also.
I haven’t had a no sleep night since June. in the last month, 95% of the nights I have slept really well. the other 5% are ok with 5-6 hours of sleep. Just stay calm about sleep, stop obsessively counting the hours of sleep you got, know that your body will take care of you, your mind WILL recover, just give it time.In a weird way, insomnia has made me appreciate life more. I feel stronger for having gone through this.
I am now graduating from college in December and applying to nursing school. I have days where I get up early to work and am mostly unphased by this, and my days are productive. If anyone has any questions let me know. However, I am going to drop off of this forum again in a few days.
Mac- not sure if this will be any comfort but im also having a rough time thats definitely been exacerbated by the current condition of the world. Usually I have sleep onset issues, but last 3 nights have fallen asleep quickly around 10 and woken up at 1 and not been able to go back to sleep. not fun.
I live in San Francisco and we are on a shelter in place order. Since i’m just a student, this means my classes have either been canceled lately or been online, so i’m not sure why my sleep has been so bad. Im not one to be able to nap during the day as when I have bad nights, the cortisol rushes through my body all day the next day and doesn’t allow me to make up for lost sleep.I hope we both see improvement soon.
Yes, we are super fragile in our recovery. Loss of sleep can be traumatizing. For me it was a sudden thing and it scared me so much that now my brain has latched onto that fear.
Sucks that we learn trauma so quickly and how hard it is to unlearn it, but we will get back to normal someday I believe it.
Mac- I know the bags under the eyes suck, and you probably think everyone notices, but I guarantee that they don’t. everyone is so caught up in their own looks and in their own world they hardly notice anyone else (fortunately and unfortunately). Plus im sure you don’t look as tired as you think you do. The brain is funny that way. It’s like when someone with an eating disorder looks in the mirror and sees that they are fat even when they aren’t. You are looking for signs that you are exhausted and your brain will give you those signs if you let it. Try to focus less on how you look and comparing yourself to how others look and how energetic they look.
I once knew someone battling cancer who went to the gym every week and looked so energetic. Would have had no idea what they were going through, besides them telling me. You don’t know what other people are suffering with, and you’re not alone in your suffering. keep your head up things will get better.Nik,
Are you asking me? If so it’s at the beginning of the night mostly. But if i allow myself to get too stressed or anxious because I haven’t fallen asleep in a certain amount of time or something, then if I do eventually drop off into sleep I’ll wake up an hour or two later with the intense anxiety still there.
Mostly however it’s sleep onset that will get me.Yes, you both are right. I’m not thinking of it in terms of resignation tho, it’s just an acceptance that the anxiety isn’t just going to disappear. I do interact with it, think of it as something to feel sorry for because it’s trying really hard to keep me safe.
But before I was so afraid of the adrenaline rush or stomach butterflies when trying to sleep that I would focus on breathing or make sure I was belly breathing because that’s the only thing that held it off. But low and behold that didn’t work.A big thing I’m working through on acceptance is accepting everything. Originally through accepting i thought this meant I should feel calm. In my mind it was like “I’m accepting that I may not sleep so I should no longer feel anxiety.” I don’t think this is true though. Of course I feel anxiety. This whole thing has been traumatizing as sh**, and my brain is not just going to suddenly not be anxious about it. So this means also accepting the anxiety as well. When the rush of anxiety hits me as I drift off, accepting that’s what’s happening right now. Trying to stop that rush doesn’t work and makes it come more, just like trying to sleep doesn’t make sleep come.
Maybe that’s true but wouldn’t hurt to try. No harm in setting aside 10-15 mins a day to meditate. Maybe even in those early awakenings.
But if not then I really hope you do find something that works
I wish I had more to offer. I feel your pain tho about the Hyperarousal. It’s a vicious cycle for sure.
I really suggest daytime meditation. Studies have shown it shrinks the amygdala which is responsible for that Hyperarousal and for waking us up constantly or super early when you have that extra pressure of work.
Idk if you believe in that stuff but there’s science behind it so maybe give it a shot. I’m doing that right now and hoping it helps with thisIf you go to bed earlier does the wake time become earlier as well? Maybe you’ve answered this before but I’m curious
Mac- Despite my earlier panicked post I hope this helps you.
Yes sleep onset and sleep maintenance insomnia are different, but treating them/working with them is quite similar I would think. As guy points out in his book and much research has shown, middle of the night/early awakenings are actually really normal. It’s not necessarily to your benefit to think that the awakenings will go away. It’s how you handle that awakening that determines whether you fall back to sleep or stay awake feeling agitated. After all, whether its falling asleep originally in the night or falling asleep after being awakened, its still a matter of being able to fall asleep.
Nik,
Thank you so much for writing this, and for taking the time to go so In depth. You made me realize things I’ve been doing just like you did through the early parts of your journey that I thought meant doing nothing or accepting, but don’t actually mean that. It takes time and practice to learn how to just be. In life we never just “are” or are ok with doing nothing. It makes us uncomfortable and we don’t understand it much haha or at least I don’t. But I’m going to save your post and keep coming back to it.
Thanks for the inspiration.Deb- I remember reading at one point that sometimes when the anxiety felt overwhelming you would get up and journal for a bit.
Ive been really stuck to Dr. Guy saying to stay in bed and try to accept wakefulness. sometimes this works, but often the anxiety still finds it’s way in. probably due to my mindset during the day and the worrying over sleep that im trying to accept and work on.
Are you glad you got up to journal/ do you think I should maybe try getting up and meditating or journaling or something? Not strict SC or anything, just when the anxiety gets overwhelming.
Im a perfectionist so I always think of that olympic podium Guy talks about in his book and I always think to myself that I dont wanna be that person thats in the bronze category or the no medal category lol. But maybe im missing the point with thatSorry Mac, you’re right.
Deb- I would like to get in touch with you as I’m a college student and can’t afford getting direct help from guy or others that work with him.
I’m trying to find you but worried I haven’t found the right person
It sometimes really feels like I’m not managing or really functioning. I really try to force myself to go to class even on hard days. But sometimes the anxiety is alll consuming and stops me from being able to eat even. When I lay awake at night i fear not being able to eat or being dragged down all day by hopelessness and suicidal thoughts. I know thoughts are just thoughts but they feel very real when your brain is tired
Mac- I was also doing really well with ACT and then have seemed to fall off the wagon. Last night I spent the whole night dealing with rushes of adrenaline, shaking and this overall really overwhelming feeling. Accepting anything on those nights feels impossible, idk how anyone does it. Ive never gotten out of bed when feeling this kind of anxiety because ive been trying to follow what Dr. Guy says. Im also so tired when I am laying in bed and the idea of getting up is so unappealing, but I really am starting to hate my bed.
This morning I am feeling so hopeless. I must just really not be understanding how to accept this.
My anxiety is through the roof, im exhausted. Sometimes I wonder how much longer I can take this. When I am utterly exhausted like this, my brain won’t process anything rationally and so I feel so trapped because I feel like I cant work my way out of this feeling and I’m just setting myself up for a string of sleepless nights.
I have class today and the idea of driving myself there and sitting there is dreadful. I can’t even eat breakfast this morning because my body is so anxious.
Is this how the rest of my life will be? doesn’t seem worth living if thats the case.
