[Edgar]

Hi,

Chronic insomniac here, feeling real sad.

So, after going through insomnia most of my life I finally discovered alcohol about a year ago. At first I drank a sip or two here and there, but soon it became a nightly habit, and not just that – I had to drink at the beginning of the night, and in the middle of the night to get back to sleep because I would always wake up.

I kept this habit of nightly drinking, each and every night, for about 6 months straight, until finally my shame got the better of me a week ago and I just couldn’t buy beer or gin anywhere anymore. I feel the ladies in the local stores all know me, and I am not an alcoholic, for Christ sakes, I am a teacher in a small town, and I’m only 33. Yet I was buying a 4-pack of beer every 2-3 days.

I tried to stop this thing twice before, but both times I ended up staying awake the whole night. Having been doing this for half a year, I began to worry that I needed booze and that my brain will not be able to bounce back from this habit once I try to quit for good, or at least it won’t be easy, there will be a withdrawal effect.

But, seven days ago when I finally didn’t buy anything – not only did I not have a problem falling asleep, I stayed asleep for some 6 hours! Just a day before, that feat of sleeping 6 hours required drinking something at the start of the night, then waking up in the middle of the night and drinking something again to fall back to sleep.

I was beside myself with relief and joy! My brain still works, there is no rebound effect, and I don’t have to sneak booze in between fruit and bread at the supermarket, or buy beer directly at the local store and quickly get out with my head down. I don’t have to look at those women in the eyes with shame anymore, and I don’t have to hide cans and bottles from my wife and get rid of them when she’s not here. I developed a whole disgusting system, hidden places, cardboard boxes with cut out holes in them, all the while getting fatter and losing money…

Anyway, after not buying booze, for the next seven days this pattern of wonderful, natural sleep remained the same, I guess in part because of the relief, and I had hoped that this disgusting alcohol episode of my life was over. It didn’t matter how much sleep I was getting, as long as it’s mine.

But, of course, now I’m not so sure. Last night I slept for only 4 hours, which wasn’t good, but I could live with it, but this night – 0 hours. My worst nightmare.

Also, for whatever reason I can’t nap, never could, so by the time this day is over (and it’s just begun), it will be 4 hours of sleep in 72 hours until I get the chance to sleep again tonight.

So I can feel how the doubt creeping in me again, and of course, alcohol is again on my mind. How can it not be? The sleep I get with it is crap, but at least it is guaranteed sleep. It’s not that I want to do it again, far from it, I don’t enjoy alcohol and I never drink during the day, it is exclusively a crutch to get me to sleep for sure at night. A can of beer a night (half at the beginning, half later). Not a lot, but it had to be there every night.

Why is this happening? Why did I not sleep at all after an already weak night.

I felt so beautiful for the past week that words can’t describe it. I thought about the future as a whole, which I haven’t done in a long time. My life plans are more or less just day-to-day since “it all depends on how I sleep”.
I saw how much insomnia is messing up my life, and how different and how much better it is when it’s not here. My whole worldview was different for those seven days, and nothing could get to me, I was so relieved that I got rid of booze that all other problems seemed trivial in comparison.

Sorry for the long rant, I really am. It’s just that I haven’t felt THIS good in years, only to be back where I started.

This night I didn’t feel sleepy at all, just lay there and felt nothing. I tried getting up twice and doing something boring, but it didn’t work. Also, while I was in bed, I couldn’t think of anything nice, any kind of a story, which is a technique I often use to try to sleep, buy my mind just lacked focus (I WAS exhausted.)

What now? Get a drink just for tonight to reset my sleep schedule or face the dread, the worry, everything that comes with going to bed after missing entire previous night.
I wish that missing a night of sleep meant that the next one will be guaranteed, but in reality it is more likely to sleep nicely if the previous night had been nice. Missing nights means stress, exhaustion, anything BUT sleepiness.

Any advice? Even though I have been a member of insomnia forums for a long time, this one is the best and maybe you can send a comforting thought for tonight.

Thanks anyway for reading.

• This topic was modified 3 years, 1 months ago by Edgar.

[Phil Snelman]

Hi Edgar, I feel sad that you’ve been suffering so much. Martin will really be able to help you.

[Edgar]

Thanks, Phil.

So far not so good, but I hope I get some sleep tonight. I’m glad Martin’s course worked so well for you. I would try it out myself but I’m ftom Croatia so US prices are too high for me.

[Happy face 12]

Hi Edgar
I can relate to your story so much. I also resort to alcohol to get me through but unfortunately it has escalated where Im drinking a bottle of wine a night and wake up completely intoxicated and basically a wreck. I used to be able to control it but its just sheer desperation as I dont want to be awake for hours. I dont consider myself an alcoholic as my previous drink was five months ago when I had another binge drinking session. Got a sleeping tablet for tonight to get me through. I hope youre doing OK now.

[Gods_kid]

Edgar why don’t u try martins free email program for two weeks and then sticking to it?
Im on week 5 and I am no longer fearful of anxious about wakefulness. I’m hoping the body will follow however I am in no illusion that this would be a quick fix – I’ve been dependent on Ambien for 15 years.
Best to you

[Angeli]

Hello Edard! It’s important to remember that alcohol has two effects. The first causes drowsiness and the second stimulates and awakens. In other words: He makes him sleep for a short time and then wakes up. Which leads the person to have to drink in the middle of the night to complete another cycle of torture. There are insomniacs who drink every 2 hours during the night to get some rest. Needless to say, most become alcoholics and ruin their lives. The poor insomniac runs away from insomnia and ends up falling into the clutches of alcoholism. And to make matters worse, after a while this whole strategy just doesn’t work anymore. Alcoholic insomnia sets in. Take care.

[Author]

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