[Steve]

Going to be a rough day today. I normally have been getting 6 to 7 hours of sleep lately, probably more towards 6, but last night I only got about 3 hours. I take the blame for that as yesterday I tried to act like a “normal” sleeper. I laid down on the couch and just rested my eyes for about an hour and a half. I didn’t sleep any but that rest period destroyed a lot of my sleep drive I think. The end result is it took me two hours to fall asleep and after that, I only slept for about 3 hours. I accepted the sleep I got so acceptance isn’t the problem anymore. When I woke, I stayed in that sleepy state and even welcomed some unwelcome thoughts. I didn’t try to wake myself up and stay awake to get to know my insomnia. I know it pretty well by now. I’d rather just stay in that sleepy state in case I do fall asleep again but that didn’t happen last night. I think I might be trying too hard to fall back asleep while I am in that state though. I’ll have to be careful of that. I just need to let my mind drift of its own accord. I have to realize I am not a “normal” sleeper yet and shouldn’t try to act like one. Hopefully, I’ll get back on track tonight. How did everybody else do over the weekend?

Deb – Has your rough period ended? I really hope so as you did so well. We’re all rooting for you here to get back on track.

Padron – Are you having better luck with ACT now after the advice you received?

Featherly – I forget a lot of times to practice the tools as well. I do the exercises when I remember but as I said in an earlier post, sometimes the bad thoughts are so overwhelming, I really forget about using the tools. That’s why yesterday I laid down for that hour and a half as I just wanted to daydream and think for awhile.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by Steve.

[Deb]

Steve – sorry you had a rough night. Hope tonight is better for you. I think I’m back on track. Slept like a normal person the last couple of nights. Thanks!

[Pam1129]

Hey Steve,
So sorry about your rough night ,they can sure be annoying !!
Praying tonight will be much better!

Padron,
Idk HOW… I missed your rant, I was just reading back on earlier posts…got to yours …and was literally cracking up !!! I believe we ALL related to that one!!

Resting better, just this waking up 300 times a night is getting old …haha (ok only6-10) really practicing accepting it and believing that better nights will come!

[Padron1926]

I’m doing a little better, still not back 100% yet but Sunday was closer to being my old self, attitude wise. Was still doing things that were not really “accepting” behaviors but working on that. I think I’m finally getting the “techniques” down and I think my anxiety when I wake up in the early morning hours is a getting a little better and I’m doing a better job of recognizing them and not getting all worked up. I’ve noticed things that I used to do that were really detrimental and working on those behaviors. One is staying in bed too long (I’ve limiting my time in bed to 7hrs currently) and the other is how I react to feelings and thoughts that spring up when I awaKe. Racing thoughts seem to be slowing down in frequency so I think I’m heading in the right direction. Biggest thing I trying to accomplish is just getting on with my life and doing the things I want to do.

Still takes some time to fall back asleep when I wake EM but am able to fall back asleep.

Steve,

Hows the CPAP working out? That takes a bit of time to get used to. Do you have an AutoPAP? I have really mild sleep apnea but snore loud but use a machine and it completely eliminates that.

[Steve]

Hi Padron. The CPAP is working out well and I’ve been on it for about two weeks now. I had one really good night with it of between 7 and 8 hours sleep but mostly, if you discount these last two nights, I am between 6 and 7 hours of sleep (probably closer to 6). That is more sleep than I have been getting, although I do need more than that. I am using the nasal mask. What type of mask are you using? I know Featherly uses the Pillow type mask. If by AutoPAP you mean the machine delivers different amounts of pressure based on what it is sensing you need, then yes, that’s what I have.

[Steve]

Thanks for the support Deb and Pam. I did get a little more than 5 hours of sleep last night, Not as good as the 6 to 7 I’ve been getting but much better than the 3 or less.

Sorry to hear that you have that many awakenings Pam. I have 3 to 4 but after that 3rd or 4th one, I am up for good. From that point on, it’s just relaxation time as I can’t get back to sleep. You are right though…better nights will come so just keep practicing.

[Borgesbi]

Interesting, many of us with sleep maintenance issues who have been able to tackle anxiety almost entirely seem to be left with just several awakenings through the night, as well as early awakenings. This must be a stage in healing for sleep maintenance – I also had a phase of SO many awakenings each evening, but now down to only 1 or 2 most evenings. Feeling totally calm and relaxed during these awakenings doesn’t make them all that bad at all 🙂 . Glad to see everyone doing so well at least feeling rested and not scared of insomnia!

[Steve]

Borgesbi – Yes, definitely not scared of insomnia anymore. I know when I wake up early now that if that’s all the sleep I will get until morning it will still be okay the next day. I can still relax and rest in bed. Last night was another good night. I slept again between 7 and 8 hours with only two wake-ups. But the best part is that the alarm woke me up. That’s the first time in a very long time that I woke up because of the alarm. This is my second really good sleep in a week as I had a very good sleep last Tuesday as well. I had two semi-poor sleeps prior to last night so it might have been because my sleep drive was high but I have had poor sleeps before which weren’t followed by a very good night so I am hoping I am turning the corner. Going to bed tonight again with no sleep expectations. Just going to let my mind drift to get to sleep and hopefully it will know that it’s safe during the night and stay asleep.

[gsdmom]

Hi everyone! Just thought I’d post since it has been 2 months now starting ACT, and having insomnia about 6 1/2 months now. I am still struggling with sleep onset, sometimes not falling asleep until 3am. Last week I had 3 normal nights in a row, but this week has been 2 nights of 3 hours of sleep and 2 nights of 4.5hrs.

Trying to find a balance of not over-thinking and focusing too much on welcoming vs just letting my mind drift off like I did before insomnia. burn and Padron, do you have similar issues? I normally don’t have the sleep maintenance issues. At the beginning of the night I sometimes I still have the light sleep. Psychologically, I’ve been going through challenging and stressful issues unrelated to sleep/insomnia. Deb mentioned she used to journal, so I’m doing that, but probably need to do more at this time. It is amazing how some of the issues I wrote about are really put to rest and don’t surface anymore.

The good news is I’m more relaxed about sleep, just wish my mind would cycle less at night. I also do not think about Ambien anymore. I have not taken one since 3 weeks ago and it has been the longest stretch of being medication free since last March.

Steve – it is especially joyful to read about your progress and this gives me continued hope for recovery.

[Deb]

Yes, Steve, it sounds like you are definitely getting better. You are an inspiration to others, especially with the rough start you had with CBT with only a couple hours of sleep each night for weeks it seemed.

Glad those awakenings have decreased, Borgesbi. This also gives hope to others who still have a lot of awakenings.

Fortunately, my relapse didn’t last long and I’m sleeping normally again. For the most part I wake up once to use the bathroom and when I get up in the morning I’ve had enough rest. I did what Padron said and just didn’t pay it any attention and the fearful thoughts went away.

Glad everyone is doing better and feeling less fear of insomnia and learning to relax.

[Steve]

Deb – Glad you are on track again. Yes, CBT-i was very rough for me. The first couple weeks seemed to go okay but then it went downhill after that and I was getting very little sleep. ACT has been going much better. I wouldn’t call me an inspiration though as my sleep is still up and down, although hopefully headed in the right direction. I think you and Borgesbi are the true inspirations. I hope to someday sleep as well as you two.

gsdmom – Yes, you have to make sure you don’t overthink ACT. Just keep using the tools though and your good sleep will return like it did last week for you. And remember to keep coming back here for support.

[Deb]

Gdsman – sorry you’re having a rough week. That’s great though that you haven’t taken Ambien for a long time. Hope your mind begins to relax at night as well and just drift off like it did before the insomnia.

[burn]

gsdmom,

Yes, it sounds similar to my case: a lot of overthinking. Sleep is somewhat better recently, but it still takes a while to fall asleep. Sleep onset is pretty much my only problem. Even I wake up in the middle of the night, it never feels as a problem and I can drift back to sleep easily. With the sleep onset issue, lack of sleep expectation is really the key for me. I continue working on letting this expectation go. I was not yet able to just easily go for a ride with whatever happens, like we all did before insomnia.

[Featherly]

Somehow my post was lost. I’m trying to welcome frustration today. I’ve had 4 crummy nights in a row. Last week was such a good one. Like others, I’m waking 3-4 times. I’m okay with that when I can drift comfortably back to sleep. The last few nights I feel like I’m using the tools well to welcome thoughts. But it’s one arrival after another. They keep coming during those early awakenings. I’ve stayed in bed anyway until my wake up time, resisting the urge to get up, but last night I got up 45 min. early. I wasn’t going to sleep more. Do others do that? Is that not recommended?

[Featherly]

I forgot to add that I’ve been reflecting on how I spend my time. If it’s what I want or should be doing. I used to journal, but after seeing it mentioned here, I’m going to try and get back to it. It’s so interesting how a couple of good nights are so uplifting, while poor ones have a similar intensity in the other direction, regardless of doing fine the next day. It’s the emotion around it that needs acceptance today.

[Author]

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