[JTthemillenial]

Sorry to hear about your struggles, Suren. After you get some relief I would definitely try CBT or ACT again. Sometimes it just takes practice getting into the mindset. The hardest thing for me has been learning to be genuine in my acceptance and welcoming practices. Plus it takes time to catch yourself thinking a certain way and then defusing from the thoughts. It’s good to practice that daily even if you’re not actively doing ACT or CBT.

[Deb]

Glad you’re giving ACT another try, Suren. But stay in touch this time and don’t go 4 weeks all alone. Everyone here is very willing to help others along the way.

About myself – things have been a bit of a challenge. I’m still not back on track. I think that relapse that started 2 or 3 weeks ago has thrown me off. I thought I had completely “cracked” this but maybe I wasn’t being realistic and instead just enjoyed a 2 month “honeymoon.” Now I’ve had to face reality again and there’s still some fears there keeping me awake. But it’s nowhere as bad as it was before and I know I just have to get back to using the tools again. But as we all know, using the tools isn’t always easy.

For instance, last night I was super hyped up. I had written a song for my husband and performed it at a jazz club. (If anyone wants to check it out, go to youtube and look up Debbie Preece – the song is called 2-5-1) This was a really big deal for me to stand up in front of a bunch of people and sing – I’m a very late bloomer when it comes to music. (Anyway, at least insomnia is not stopping me from living my life!) So I couldn’t fall asleep because my mind just couldn’t settle down. Finally I got up at 4:00 and I knew that I just couldn’t get myself to the “acceptance place” knowing I only had a few hours of sleep time left. So I took an Ambien for the first since July.

I hope this isn’t discouraging for you all.

[Steve]

Sorry to hear you’re having a rough time Deb. But as you say, at least it isn’t as bad as before. I wouldn’t worry about taking the one Ambien. Remember that “normal” sleepers take a sleeping pill every now and then as well. And don’t “force yourself” to get back on track as that is like forcing yourself to go to sleep. It can’t be done. Just keep trying to use the tools.

I am having a semi-rough go of it here. I am back to getting between 6 and 7 hours of sleep and last night was more towards 7. That’s the good news. The bad news is that it seems the more sleep I get, the more dizzyness, brain fog and eye focusing trouble I get as well. it’s almost like the more insomnia I get, the more it masks those systems and when I get more sleep, those symptoms are more exposed. I have an appointment with a neurologist on November 13 (I know, a month from now but it’s the best my doctor could do) and I’ll see what she says about it. There is one other encouraging sign though. While I am getting more sleep, I also got really tired yesterday and actually had a small nap. That’s amazing because I haven’t been able to take a nap since this insomnia started. So, I am hoping that I’ll continue to get more sleep which will erase the insomnia symptoms and get me back to being normal.

How is everybody else doing out there?

[Steve]

Deb – By the way. Nice video. You have a good voice for jazz. Is that your backup band?

[Deb]

There’s a jazz jam here where I live twice a month on Sundays. The main band consists of the pianist, the bass player and the drummer. Then anyone else can show up and sing a song, play an instrument like the harmonica player and the trumpet player. I’ve sang a few times and played the piano a few times. I’ve been taking jazz piano lessons because I’ve always loved jazz ever since I was a child but didn’t have the opportunity for lessons then. Then life got busy with jobs and raising a family. Now that the kids are grown, I’m finally getting back to my dream.

[Deb]

Steve – sounds like your sleep is getting better and better. That’s great! But too bad about those other symptoms. Hopefully you get that straightened out soon.

[gsdmom]

Deb – Bravo Bravo!! Watching you sing is the highlight of my day, great song! Even if I didn’t have insomnia, singing in front a group like that would have kept me awake all night. As Steve said, taking an ambien once in a while is not discouraging, kind of normal for a lot of adults. This last week has not been so great for me, but at least I’m functioning on a basic level. Probably will need to do more journaling or some other sort of therapy to deal with personal issues, I’m still feeling sensitive because of long term sleep deprivation and my reaction to stress makes it difficult for the brain to relax.

Steve – so glad you are getting normal sleep and I hope the neurologist can help with your issues. You mentioned feeling sleepy during the day and taking a nap…the week I started getting normal sleep I felt the same way. Pleasantly sleepy and also like my body wanted to make up for the hours of sleep I’ve lost over the past 7 months.

[Deb]

Awwww thanks, Gdsmom! I sure had fun last night, but it really kept me awake!

I guess when I was talking about being a discouragement I meant that I don’t seemed to have recovered as completely as I thought I did. I was giving you all hope that you can heal completely, and now here I am with some struggles again. On the other hand, it makes sense that I would have some struggles and that this is normal. Even after we think we’ve fully healed we can still relapse, but according to Guy, the relapses will become less and less as our brain begins to learn that the bed and sleeping is safe. That’s how I feel. I’m having some issues falling asleep, but I’m not freaked out about it like I was before because I know that the techniques work and that I will get better again. So there isn’t that heavy feeling of hopelessness and depression and total anxiety that I may never recover from this. Instead it’s just something I’ve got to deal with and I know I can.

[Steve]

Deb – No, you aren’t a discouragement at all. I think we all realize that relapses happen and you are correct. As the book says, they will happen but will happen less and less. It just depends on how we react to them as to whether they become major relapses or not. Keep singing! That will help you stay in a good mood.

gsdmom – Thanks for the words of encouragement. I wish I could get into the neurologist sooner but I’ll just have to wait for 4 weeks I guess. Nothing else I can do. I hope I can get back to that sleep state soon as I had no problem getting back to sleep after I woke up during most of the night. Last night seemed to be an aberration. I hope it was. And I hope you start sleeping better as well. Just remember to keep meditating.

Last night was a rough night as I regressed some and only slept for about 5 hours. Maybe even less. As a result, I am really tired today. I miss those 6 to 7 hour sleeps. I still wake up about an hour to an hour and a half after I first go to sleep at night. I am thinking of taking a melatonin about 15 minutes before I go to bed to see if that helps me stay asleep in those early hours. I hate to go back on meds again. I stopped taking the Passion Flower after a couple doses as it was overpowering for me and putting me to sleep in the morning at work. Yesterday I didn’t have the chance to do much meditating. I hope to get back to it today. Hopefully the gym as well. I think I also have a new unwelcome thought I have to welcome and that is the thought I have to get up to go to work the next day. It usually doesn’t pother me in the very early hours when I wake up because getting up is actually a long way off, but as I get closer to the time that I have to get up, I have trouble putting it out of my mind. I have to start welcoming that thought. Not trying to go into this too deeply as I don’t want to over-analyze. How is everyone else doing?

[KarenP]

Deb- I really enjoyed your video! You’re terrific! I can totally understand why you had a hard time going to sleep after that big night!

I’m still so freaked out if I can’t go to bed close to my 10:30 pm sleep window. I try to go to bed every night close to 10 or so. I never set the alarm, but am up like clockwork by 6 am. I literally wake up every night around every 2 hours, then I have my a 3 hour stretch at the very end. I’ve been averaging around 7 hours a night. Praise God! I think the key to my success is mindfulness meditation every day. 20 minutes. I suffer with anxiety and this practice enables me to combat that during the day. Hubby and I are getting ready to go to Italy for 10 days, and I’m really concerned about jet lag and relapsing. The past 9 months of insomnia has impacted my life in so many ways. Friendships have suffered because I didn’t want to go out at night. I’m an artist, and it’s affected my ability to paint. The sleep I took for granted for so many years, became the focus of my life. I have made so much progress, and I thank you all for accompanying me on this journey.

[Deb]

Karen – hope you have a wonderful trip to Italy and sleep well. Even if you do have a relapse, remember that over time the relapses will become easier as you brain begins to relax about insomnia. Yes I imagine your art suffered during the long months of insomnia. My music suffered too. I never would have been able to get up and sing like that on a zombie day!

[TiredTwinDad]

2 weeks ago, I was feeling pretty positive, it seemed like I was making some progress. Last week, it seemed like I had lost all that progress, I was a little bummed and I could really feel the shortened sleep by Saturday. But because of that shortened sleep, I poorly planned managing my sleep Sat night. I had a bar gig, which thankfully was local, but still was supposed to go until 1a (really only 12). Though it was only 5 min away, I was still nervous being up before 4a that day, so I had a “gig juice” (caffeinated V8 drink), but I had it later than last time (cuz I had an hour ride home after midnight the time before that didn’t go so well). So the later gig juice kept me up and I tried managing it with pills. And Sunday I had Onset issues again, which I don’t handle with ACT well and gave up after a couple hours. And since I had pills 2 days in a row, I knew last night I would have rebound issues last night but I was more calm about it this time. No desire for pills, accepting the bad night. Though I didn’t want stay in bed awake and did get a couple hours on the couch. It’s my MO after 2 nights of pills. Hopefully after a full evening of work I’ll be back to my normal. I’ve got an upcoming late salsa gig this Sat, that I want to be alert for, but I will just make sure I am well practiced and I’ll try it without the gig juice.

It’s much colder at night now, so that might be messing with me as well. I think I want to leave a fan on, hopefully my wife is ok with that.

In good news, even though I was bumming a little last week, I finished a portion of a video project that I’ve wanted to do for a while. Of course it helps the grass needs less tending.

Deb – Awesome to hear you’re into jazz/taking lessons. I teach private sax lessons and have a weekly big band gig.

[suren]

Thanks Deb! Thanks JT! Your feedback is super encouraging. I took a trip to NJ over the weekend, which was a bit harassing on my body (especially the part where I shared a room with 3 other family members!), so I thought I’d delay resuming ACT until after trip.

I returned home yesterday evening, so last night was my 1st night resuming ACT. It was rough! Didn’t get any sleep, and didn’t practice any of the techniques in bed, which is why I’m thinking to re-listen to the book today. I also felt I was in a bit of a haze for bits of the night- like neither asleep or fully awake.

I’m also thinking of resuming journaling, as it may help me to see where there is incremental progress, which in turn may propel me onwards. Don’t know that I’m an advocate for journaling, but it could help me in the short-term.

Deb- I haven’t yet watched your video, but look forward to doing so. Steve makes a good point about setbacks diminishing over time as you heal, as it really puts the healing process in perspective, and reminds that it is a process. So hope this helps your mindset.

Steve- It’s encouraging to hear of your progress. How long have you been doing ACT? I read that you started to use a CPAP? Do you find that your sleep quality is deeper due to the CPAP? I often find the air circulation in my room to be poor and somewhat stifling.

[Deb]

I love the sax, TiredDad! And I love it when a sax player shows up at the jam and plays.

Sorry it’s been rough for you the last few days. You didn’t lose progress. There’s just a lot of ups and downs in this process, but slowly people seem to get better.

[Steve]

Suren – Yes, I do think my sleep is better with the CPAP. I was diagnosed with sleep apnea about 5 or 6 years ago before I got insomnia. Last year, I got an oral appliance to treat it. Things were going well but about 4 or 5 months later, I got insomnia. This year I noticed the oral appliance wasn’t working as well in stopping me from gasping for breath so I got the CPAP. I think mostly it works. It doesn’t treat the insomnia any but what it does do I think is stopping the wake-ups due to gasping for breath. Once I stopped that, the only thing that wakes me up is the insomnia.

I think overall I am getting better but this certainly isn’t linear. I have my ups and downs and if you have been reading my posts, I am going to a neurologist soon to try to rule out any neurological issues. Where I live, near Syracuse, New York, we are getting very cold at night as we go into Fall so I put the fan away for the season. So a lot of times, i am either too cold or too warm depending on the weather outside. It’s funny though that when I do get a good night’s sleep, I never notice how cold or warm I am. I just sleep straight through until I have the early wake-up. Only then do I start noticing how hot or cold I am. Good luck with your sleep. Just keep using the tools and things will get better for you.

[Author]

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