[Mac0908]

I just feel like for me, a diary is not going to be extremely beneficial. I think one of the most important things for insomnia, that I tend to forget, that’s perhaps the easiest to forget given the circumstances of how brutal a zombie day can be, is how you REACT to it. Like Martin and so many others explain, the more upset and frustrated you get by a bad night will only fuel and trigger more bad nights.

I was doing well at one point accepting the bad days, understanding I will always make it through them, etc. Now you can see here this week how I’ve vented a little more and expressed anger a little more. I’m sure there is no coincidence that this ended up being my worst week since November when I began turning that corner, albeit slightly, with ACT

[Deb]

That looks good. Hopefully over time you would see some progress.

[Deb]

The one I use I got from Martin. It’s a chart of a whole week and includes spaces for how many hours I slept, rating my sleep from 1- 5, rating my day from 1 – 5, what time I went to bed, when I got up, etc. So you can look at a whole week with a glance and see progress quickly, especially when you look across at the numbers.

[Mac0908]

Speaking of Martin, its funny bc for the first time I actually looked into some help from him. Not that I’d really need a “coach” at this point, but I feel it would really be super helpful to just have someone to talk to about my insomnia. Someone very knowledgable to give me some support.

$499 for phone coaching (1 hour phone call, unlimited emails for 2 weeks, follow up phone call)

$999 for his 8 week course which comes with unlimited emails

Yeah… Needless to say my credit card stayed in my wallet.

[Mac0908]

Just one more thing with regards to Martin. I think he’s a great coach and knows just about all there is to know about insomnia. The in’s and out’s, the things you don’t even realize etc. However, it’s no secret that his main approach is the Sleep Restriction approach. Giving yourself the short sleep window to start rebuilding your sleep drive and ultimately regaining your sleep confidence.

But is it at all wrong to think that it’s wrong of him to think this is the main solution for everyone? I personally did SRT on and off a few times last year and each time I saw success. Then, as some of you on here may know, not too long after I began to “ween off” of the strict windows and same wake up times, etc, I started relapsing. I began to think that in my case, a chronic insomniac for a good 2 years at the time, that instead of going this route with these (let’s be honest) rules and regulations about sleep, I had to address to real culprit underneath it all, which was my serious sleep anxiety. Thus I began ACT.

I guess I’m just wondering, since I do respect Martin a ton, if his approach really is the ultimate approach. And maybe (as he told me personally) I began weening off of SRT too soon. That I saw results for a good month and figured it was fine to start slacking off instantly. I don’t know. It’s hard. SRT also made me a little more anxious underneath it all at times. I remember if I slept past my wake up time I felt like I ruined everything, and at night I’d often be frustrated that I still had SO long to go until my start time.

Thoughts would be appreciated….

[Steve]

Mac – I was a client of Martin’s back in May. Martin was virtually my only support person who I could talk to since I didn’t really have any immediate family members available to me. From my conversations with him, I thought he was quite open to practicing ACT as well as CBT-i. As an example, he told me I didn’t need to practice SC after awhile if when I woke up, I still felt sleepy and wasn’t wide awake. He knew the anxiety of SC was getting to me and causing me problems. He also suggested I expand my sleep window since I kept falling asleep before I got to my start time, even if it meant I might not sleep through the whole window. As for the cost of his program, when I took it, it was about half that amount so I was a bit surprised when you quoted the current price, and I admit that I probably couldn’t afford it now. But, I don’t know his expenses and he has to make a living too. Since he has been so honest with me in the past, I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. Since his business is subject to the laws of supply and demand, I would assume the price will come down again if his pool of clients starts to dry up.

[Deb]

Wow, his prices did go up. It was $500 when I went through 8 week course Jan 2019 and in April it was $350 for the phone call package.

[Mac0908]

$350 is actually something I’d seriously consider. Anything above that just seems way too high. Not afraid to say that. No offense to Martin at all. I think he’s great, but yeah. And $1000 to be able to (in the grand scheme of things) write someone emails is ludacris.

Thanks for that post though, Steve. It’s good to know Martin also suggests ACT in some capacity. I’ve been thinking a lot about your approach that you mentioned the other day. Basically just accepting that you’re “damaged goods” / messed up and to just go with the flow and see what happens. Honestly I really don’t think that’s a great mentality. While yes part of ACT is “accepting” bad nights and all that happens, aren’t we supposed to also be thinking positively about how we have slept well before and can and will again?

[Deb]

Mac – I’m so sorry you’re having such a hard time. You must be feeling very, very frustrated and discouraged. I think this really bad week is a reflection of where you are at mentally. I wish for you to find hope somehow and make a new start. It seems like it’s time for you to get professional help and not just help from us here. Although ACT worked great for me, I didn’t have sleep maintenance insomnia like you so can’t give you best advice on that type of insomnia.

If I were you, at this point I would be willing to TRY ANYTHING including contacting a therapist for help. A couple of therapists have been mentioned here – the one that Martin interviewed for his podcast and I think I remember the other having an Asian-sounding name. Of course I always recommend Dr. Kat first. The fee for her help is between $190-200 for an hour session. After the first session you could break it up into two 1/2 hour sessions, meeting with her once a week, which is what I did. Between sessions you can email her and she responds in about a day. This way you would be getting professional help from someone who has experience with your type of insomnia and she could give you the hope you need. I believe that if you made a commitment to working with her for at least 4 weeks, you would see progress.

I don’t know if Martin considers CBT-I the ultimate approach. It’s just that this is the therapy that helped him cure his own insomnia and has also helped his clients. But in his interview with the therapist they talked about how CBT-I is like undergraduate school and ACT is like graduate school. In my opinion I think ACT is closer to the ultimate therapy because once you get it, it removes any and all anxiety related to sleep. And if you relapse, all you have to do is to remind yourself to let go of the anxiety instead of following a bunch of rules to get back on track.

[Mac0908]

Thanks for your support, Deb. Yeah it really is discouraging. Things were seemingly going quite well for me with ACT early on, and then I don’t know what really happened but this month things took a turn for the worse until this past week which I felt was finally a real deal relapse.

I mean, I do kind of know what happened, but at the same time I just don’t feel it SHOULD have happened. My mental state was in the best form it ever was these last 3 years. I honestly mean that. To think that I was sleeping fairly well without any rules, regulations, crutches or herbal teas, etc, was surreal and amazing to me. So yes, I’m very frustrated right now, but if there’s any good news I can share with you, I’m nowhere near as frustrated as I was during some other low points.

Right now I’m just at a weird point because I don’t know where to turn. I certainly am not going to pay $500 to talk on the phone with Martin for an hour and even the Dr. Kat suggestion I can’t get behind at the moment. I will be starting a light diary this week though, so thank you for that suggestion. In my head I feel like things could somehow change for the good again very quickly with some more discipline and serious ACT, but after experiencing this past week (really two) I know that in reality i’m back in a hole and need some extra help to get out…

[Deb]

We’re here for you, Mac!

[Deb]

Mac – If I were you I would just try to make a new start with ACT. When I started, I committed to two weeks. I told myself that if it was too difficult and I just couldn’t stand it, I would quit and go back to CBT-I. Since you’ve got sleep maintenance insomnia and the healing seems to take longer, I would commit to 4 weeks at a minimum to see if there are any improvements. If there are, then just keep going. Don’t slack off until you are COMPLETELY healed. You will know when you are because you’ll wake up refreshed like before the insomnia. That’s what I did. I kept going no matter how many hours I did or didn’t sleep, no matter if the sleep was shallow – whatever. Eventually I was sleeping normally so I didn’t have to think about the therapy anymore then. If I felt any anxiety at all, I just told myself to forget about it and then I’d be fine.

I’ve had a couple set backs along the way, but nothing insurmountable. Around day 10, I had a “special event” where I had to get up early. I slept lousy that night. But then the next night I got right back on track. A few nights ago also there was another special event where I had to get up early. I couldn’t fall asleep and ended up taking a pill around 2:30 a.m. in order to get some sleep before waking up at 6:30. The next night I had some anxiety because of the previous bad night. But I reminded myself to let it go and how anxiety is the reason this darn insomnia started in the first place and then continued. It took me a little longer than usual to fall asleep, but I did and slept fine. Last night I fell asleep within the normal amount of time.

I say this to let you know that there will be set backs, but to just keep on going. Eventually your anxiety will become less and less and easier to let go of. Like me, remind yourself that the darn anxiety is the main cause of this whole problem so it’s time to let it ALL go.

[Steve]

Mac – Not really. I accept that I am damaged now but I also accept I will get better in the future. I am not resigned to this by any means.

[Mac0908]

Steve – Good to know this about you. Hope you slept alright the last few days

Deb – Thank you for reminding me so often how to try and let the anxiety go. My plan is in fact to go with ACT now again for a good few weeks and to stick to it. By that I mean some mindfulness both during the day and a few hours prior to sleep. Did you come up with anything new with regards to mindfulness during your last relapse recovery? Here are some of my “tools” that I tend to you. Would appreciate yours (and Steve’s) thoughts…

-Understanding that even if its a bad night, while it might be a very tough day, I’ve gotten through a MILLION of them before
-Short of rubbing my eyes and having coffee, trying not to react much to my sleepiness during the day and trying my best not to let frustration grow in my head
-Viewing early awakenings as PART of my sleep and part of my night now. That way when they happen they aren’t nearly as alarming and do not get me down nearly as much, if at all
-If a bad thought comes into my head prior to sleep, I just say hello to thought followed by “goodbye thought, I’m fine”
-I’ve improved, in a pretty significant way. No matter what, I’ve improved.

[Deb]

That all sounds good, Mac, especially your attitude during the day. Just remember to accept whatever happens when you wake up and then just relax and rest. Don’t be alarmed by the awakenings or let them get you down. Let go any of those kinds of thoughts. Accept whatever happens and relax, and then I think you’ll start getting better again.

I really feel that your focus needs to be on relaxing and accepting when you wake up, more so than the mindfulness, unless that will help you get to the relaxed state when you do wake up. I barely did any mindfulness at all because I knew how to get to the state of acceptance and relaxation. Dr. Kat said that the number one thing that determines how it long it will take someone to heal is how soon they learn to completely accept whatever happens at night and then relax.

[Author]

Posts