[Mac0908]

Thanks Deb. Good to know Dr. Kat’s thoughts, even though they are the obvious. I agree that the awakenings need to be the focus since they are the #1 problem of mine. If I can somehow get this down to zero anxiety when they happen, I know I’ll make progress and they will fade away like they have several times before. Last night I went to bed at 10pm, had my awakenings as usual. One or two of them Not sure what time they were but I estimate around 4-5am. I was a little anxious, but not like last week during my full -fledged breakdown. Hopefully I will improve this week. I almost have this attitude of “bring it on” with the awakenings to prove to them (and myself) that I’m no longer afraid.

[Deb]

Maybe better to have a gentler attitude toward the awakenings instead of wanting to take them on as a challenge. Like “Oh I see that you’re still showing up because you’re trying to protect me. Thank you so much for caring for me, but I’m fine so let’s just settle down together and rest for awhile.” Think of your anxiety as a little child that just needs to be comforted at night by his mommy. Then he’ll settle down and go back to sleep.

[Mac0908]

True, Deb. Very true.

You know I’ve also realized another thing this morning. This has been like the week of realizations for me. My job, it really affects and holds my Insomnia in place way more than just the 6am wakeup call. In general it’s a job that requires paying attention to detail and staring at a computer screen all day long. On top of that I interact with many people throughout the day, notably attractive women, who I often feel insecure talking to due to the bags/circles under my eyes. To put it simply, it’s anything but the type of workday that an insomniac would want, short of healthcare and/or dealing with the daily public all day long.

Deb I know you’ve said you don’t have to wake early for work. I have no doubt this helped you in your recovery or at least sped up the process for you. Steve I forget your situation. But yeah, in my perfect world even if I still had to wake early, I can tell you for certain Deb, if let’s say my job was going in sitting at a desk by myself all day in casual clothes with dim lights. No doubt about it would things be at least somewhat different. I’m thinking of investing in a new pair of glasses to wear to work for the time being to hide my dark circles as much as I can. That way at least I can help cut down any worry/anxiety about going into work a zombie or just exhausted. Any way we can be proactive in helping ease our anxiety and worries is key in this IMHO.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by Mac0908.

[gsdmom]

Mac – About your work, I agree with you that it probably contributes a lot to insomnia. Maybe before your insomnia, you were aware of work stress and could cope with it. But now that your brain is stressed and hyper-aroused from having chronic insomnia, looking at screens all day, and having the daily stressors of interacting with new people, its difficult for your mind to settle down on an unconscious level, even if intellectually you feel you have low anxiety.

This is how it is for me. I know if I didn’t have to work I’d have a much better recovery. Last week I started to do well, 7 nights of falling asleep quickly and sleeping for 6-7 hours. Starting to do more long distance walking and exercise. Then two bad days of work put me over the edge. Saturday I was suppose to work from 9am-2pm, then a lot of people called in sick and ended up working until 6:45pm, with no lunch, yesterday same thing, supposed to work 10-2, agreed to see one more client at 2:30 that was supposed to be simple, but ended up being difficult and stayed until 5:30, again skipped lunch as I thought I would have it at home a lot earlier. No exercise and late meals really threw me off and ended up taking Ambien at 2am to sleep at least 4 hours, since I have to work until 9pm tonight. I realize now as much as I’d like to be super helpful and go beyond my work expectations, this is not possible at this moment in time. I will stick to my assigned schedule and learn to say ‘”no”.

Mac – if you have any extra $$, you might try getting a consultation at a MedSpa, maybe there are some non-invasive facial treatments that might help with under eye circles and bags. I feel like I really got droopy over the last year and in a few weeks will experiment with injectable fillers in my cheeks. Also have you ever considered getting a sleep study done? I had one last July, and the results showed I definitely stayed in the light sleep stage longer than normal, and even though there is nothing to cure that at the moment, at least I know what’s going on and sometimes I can calm myself down by telling myself, “I’m was sleeping, I’m in the light sleep stage” because often I feel as though I am not sleeping during this time.

[Mac0908]

Thanks for the post Gsdmom. To me it’s not even a question. I know it’s a huge factor as it’s not so much the thought of “bad sleep” so to speak, that clouds my head anymore, but more of the 6am alarm and the fact that I have to wake up and better not miss it and be late for work (bit of a strict office with that stuff which doesn’t help either). Take away the 6am alarm, or even that early of an alarm, and I’d be fine in short time no doubt in my mind. All I have to do is look at my weekends. 90% of them I’ve been fine in recent memory.

I used to work nights as a teen and throughout my 20’s. Then in 2011 everything changed when I went to days. I was never a morning person in general and I never really truly got comfortable with waking up at 6am. Even in middle and high school as a kid, I always had trouble. My mom would have to drag me out of bed. That all being said, 6am is rather early in general. If I just had a little more time to sleep I feel it would be such a difference. In the summer of 2015 my hours were 8-4p and I would have a 6:30am alarm. I clearly remember it being some of the best sleep I’d gotten in years.

Sorry for the life story, but yeah, that’s part of it. I have a full week off from work coming up soon. This will be my first full week off in a long time. Just to relax and recharge. I have no doubt this will be a great week of sleep. Maybe it will be just what I need to boost me and turn another corner in my journey of ACT.

[taylor45]

Mac-
What helps me is when I can’t fall asleep or when I wake up and can’t drift off is I literally say out loud “I am experiencing insomnia right now. Right now this is part of my life. I can’t do much about it but fighting it or stressing over it will not help. It is here right now, but the less attention I give it, it will eventually go away. Nothing lasts forever.” And then you really just have to be ok being awake and really understanding the thoughts that come into your head and not letting them grab hold of you. This isn’t guaranteeing you will fall asleep, but your brain will learn eventually and things will improve, just keep hope.

I have also heard that a certain amount of time meditating can be as refreshing as sleep and as good for your brain as sleep. This idea relaxes me as I think to myself “if I cannot sleep I will meditate and that will be refreshing and good for my brain.” Having this option often calms me enough that I don’t need to use it but when I can’t sleep I meditate and take solace in the fact that I’m really benefiting from it and it is refreshing. Some articles say it can make up for an hour or 2 of lost sleep which it sounds like you’re missing out on by waking up at 4 or 5. Try looking into meditating. Not just at night but during the day.

[taylor45]

Another thing. I’ve been trying to think of insomnia as a gift. Hard to do I know, trust me. But something is off balance in our lives that puts us in this sleepless situation. We are unhappy and unbalanced. Insomnia has forced me to look at my life and the way i handle things and proccess things. In this way insomnia is the universes way of telling me I need to change something, because I wasn’t realizing this on my own. So when I lay awake at night I think of it like this and there is comfort in that. Everything happens for a reason. Once we find a good balance again, our sleep will improve. We just need to trust the process.

[Deb]

Taylor – I also tried to think this way about my insomnia and this helped. How are your nights going? Are you sleeping better?

[taylor45]

Some nights are good while others aren’t. I’m not quite sure the difference between them. Sometimes I drift off easily and others it’s like my brain is catching me drifting off and sends me a shot of adrenaline. These nights are hard because the techniques don’t seem to work because I’m halfway between sleep and wakefulness. Trying to practice mindfulness during the day to see if it carries over into the night so my brain stops doing this.
It’s hard to be positive after a rough night but I’m trying to be. My dream is to become a nurse and I hope I can get ahold of this insomnia so that I can do what i want in life.

[Deb]

Taylor – When I was doing CBT-I, I was averaging 5 nights a week where I would fall asleep right away and 2 nights when I couldn’t fall asleep. It was very frustrating. I realized that on the nights I fell asleep right away that I had barely escaped the sleep anxiety. I fell asleep before it could catch up to me. But the other two nights the anxiety got a hold of me before I could fall asleep and then it kept me awake. When I started to practice ACT, I learned to accept whatever happened, including the nights I was awake most of the night, the light sleep nights, the nights where I was in and out of sleep, or like you said, halfway between sleep and wakefulness. As I learned to accept them all, my sleep consolidated and got better. So don’t worry about those nights but just accept whatever is happening each night. This will settle down your nervous system and then over time your sleep will get better.

[Deb]

One other thing. That shot of adrenaline shows me that part of you is still monitoring your sleep instead of accepting whatever happens. Any kind monitoring will keep you awake. When this happens and you wake up don’t “practice any techniques.” Just accept that you are wake and then relax and let your mind wander like before the insomnia.

[taylor45]

Deb-

Yes you are right. I often times find myself hoping I drift off before the anxiety sets in and if I don’t achieve this I feel defeated. As soon as that first shot of adrenaline happens, frustration sets in.

Accepting whatever happens is really hard haha. I have anxiety in other areas of my life besides sleep, and my whole life ive always fought it off, whether consciously or subconsciously. Accepting does not come naturally to me. I do recognize that fighting with the insomnia is completely pointless. But I also want so so badly to sleep because the days after I do are so much better than those that aren’t. its hard to accept the possibility of a rough day

[whitelori]

Hi Deb – I know you have recommended I seek help directly from Dr. Kat, and I am not ready to ask my husband to spend the money. I would rather like to try and find someone in my area who counsels using ACT-I, but falls under my insurance plan. I am finding that rather difficult as there seems to be on one. I can’t even find someone who works with CBT-I. When you say accept whatever happens in bed, I am doing that, night after night, yet I get the same result which is to lie awake in a calm state. I follow the exercises for a very short time and not all night, so I am no longer working or doing something. I never expect sleep or have any expectations of the night. I know you have said before I perhaps have anxieties I am not dealing with or need that extra coaching help, but I am just not understanding why this method is not helping me when I think I am following it correctly. I know you can’t answer! I’m just putting my feelings out here.

[Deb]

Lori – when I was looking for help here where I live I couldn’t find anyone either. I think that’s common. Even sleep doctors don’t know about CBT-I, and even more so, ACT. That’s why I went to the internet and was so relieved when I found Martin’s website.

I don’t know why ACT is not working for you if you’re doing it right. Why don’t we talk sometime? You can find me at Psychology Today online if you look for marriage counseling in Huntsville, AL. I’m the only “marriage coach” listed there.

Taylor – I know that accepting can be hard. Since you are a person of faith, think of it in this way. Think of the times in your life when you just had to turn a situation over to God and let go. It was hard because you wanted to do something about it, but you got to a point where you realized that you couldn’t, so you turned it over to God. Then over time you saw how God did take care of situation in His own way. It took a big leap of faith to do that and you had to surrender and give up any control. You have to do the same with ACT. Take a leap of faith, let go, and trust the process.

[whitelori]

Thank you Deb,, you are very kind for offering that. I have found you, but just need to know how/when you would want me to contact you.

[Author]

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