[LauraA]

Hello! I wanted to post an insight that I had recently during a speed bump in my recovery journey that has helped me to cope with panic and hyperarousal. I hope this can resonate with someone else.

For anyone who hasn’t heard of the term hyperarousal before, it’s the physical feeling of panic that manifests in our bodies. It can appear in different ways for different people, but it often consists of a racing heart, heart palpitations, a vibrating or buzzing feeling in your limbs, rapid breathing, getting really cold and then really hot, etc. It’s a surge of adrenaline that rushes through us when we have become so fearful of wakefulness that the act of being awake at night is interpreted as a threat by our brain and body. For some, this can lead to full blown panic attacks…understandable given the circumstances!

Anyway, I have been on a journey of recovery for the past two years and overall, my sleep has drastically improved and I haven’t returned to a struggle as severe as what I felt when this all first started in 2022. However, every once in a while I will encounter what I like to call a “speed bump” in my recovery where I will struggle with a new nuance of insomnia. I have begun to view these speed bumps as opportunities. They are opportunities to learn more about my brain and my thought patterns and to challenge unhelpful habits and beliefs. I wish I could reassure you that viewing speed bumps as opportunities makes them any easier to go through. They can still be very scary and intense. However, reframing them through this lens of curiosity can help put things in perspective.

Recently, I went through a pretty intense speed bump. It started with a few rocky nights, I got in my head, and it snowballed into a larger struggle. I am at the point in my understanding of insomnia that I know not to put pressure on sleep, to accept each night as it comes, and to not make sleeping better the ultimate goal. After all, everyone on the planet experiences sleep disturbances from time to time. The nuance of this speed bump that was really getting to me was the physical feelings of hyper arousal that I was experiencing almost all day and all night. Regardless of my belief that this bout of insomnia would pass, I couldn’t help but feel panicky after two straight all nighters. My body was reacting to a perceived threat and it is something we have zero control over. My heart was racing, I would get the chills and then get really hot, my limbs felt numb and shaky, and my stomach was in knots. I found myself battling against these feelings despite myself. I know that you can’t force those feelings away and that trying to fight with them can make it so much worse. But I couldn’t help it! I hated feeling so panicky when I knew that if I could just calm down I could probably fall asleep. I knew that my “lizard” brain was taking over and it had me falling down the insomnia rabbit hole very quickly.

At this time, I decided to reach out a sleep coach from another program I had seen online who had some availability for a zoom session the following day. As a side note, there is no shame in asking for help in this journey. Even if you thought you had “fully recovered”, things can come up. It doesn’t mean anything about you or your recovery journey! Anyway, I am so grateful for this conversation because it provided me with an insight that really helped me to re frame these feelings of panic. I expressed to the coach that I know all the theories, I know about “befriending” wakefulness, I know to accept the outcome of each night and not place value judgements on it, and I know to accept feelings of panic and hyperarousal as they cannot be controlled. What I am struggling with is HOW to accept these feelings of panic when I haven’t slept at all in 2 nights and I know that if I could just relax a bit, I could probably fall asleep. How do I just let that go? And in the meantime, how do I find joy in anything when my body is constantly in fight or flight and I am subconsciously obsessing over sleep? As I’m sure many of you can relate to, it’s far easier said than done.

First, I was reminded that you don’t have to let anything go. Trying to force thoughts and feelings away is a losing battle, and it makes those thoughts and feelings even stickier. This is the foundation of the ACT approach. Next, we discussed the idea that physical manifestations of panic can be highly uncomfortable but are NOT unsafe. It might sound obvious, but it is a very important distinction. You can still live your life while feeling panicky. You can go for a walk, go to work, hangout with friends, etc. all while having shaky limbs and an elevated heart rate. It might feel uncomfortable, but it’s not actually harmful. If you have lived through insomnia, than I already know that you can cope with a little bit (or a lot) of discomfort. When you start trying to view it as a simple annoyance, like having a pebble in your shoe or a scratchy tag on your shirt, you can start to take some of the power away from these feelings. This isn’t something that will happen overnight. It’s a muscle that has to be worked. But as you start to accept that physical feelings of panic are a nuisance but not a threat, you begin to stop fearing them. Paradoxically, when you stop fearing them, they start to ease. It’s kind of like how this program teaches us to treat our thoughts. When we learn that our thoughts are just electrical impulses in our brain and don’t actually mean anything, we stop fearing our thoughts. When we stop fearing our thoughts, those sticky intrusive thoughts start to lessen.

Believe me when I say that I understand how hard it can be to stop fighting these thoughts and feelings. Being an insomniac, you’re already pre-disposed to be the kind of person that wants to problem solve. When you’re at your lowest, it can feel like NOTHING will bring you joy other than sleeping. When I brought this up with my coach, he reminded me that the goal of accepting nighttime wakefulness isn’t about actually enjoying being awake when you would rather be sleeping. We can’t trick our brains. The goal is to just find something slightly more comfortable to do that could ease the passing of time and keep us moving forward through this journey. Ultimately, sleep will come. We cannot control when, and it’s really none of our business. All we can control is our response to it. What this coaching call made me realize is that feelings of hyper arousal and panic are actually very similar to this. We cannot make them stop, but we can find something slightly more comfortable to do while we feel them as we train ourselves to recognize that these feelings are not harmful. In doing this, we will eventually ease the feeling.

So, for those who like to hear action steps, this is what I did with that knowledge. After the call ended, I had the following dialogue with myself; “I am miserable right now because I am tired and all I want to do is sleep. That is okay. However, I cannot control sleep. So what could I do right now that is within my control that would feel slightly more comfortable?” I found that the answer in that moment was to just lay down and listen to an audiobook. No chasing sleep, just chilling with a book. I didn’t have to enjoy it, but it felt better than other alternatives. So I laid down and closed my eyes and listened to a book. Immediately, my heart started hammering and my limbs felt numb with adrenaline. Rather than trying to ignore or suppress this, I brought my attention to each individual sensation and really considered it. My heart was racing, but it also races when I workout and I don’t fear it then. My arms felt chilled and numb, but they also feel that way when I’m outside in the cold and I don’t fear it then. The sensations themselves weren’t actually scary!! I just didn’t want to be feeling them at that time. But oh well! I can’t control it. So I continued to let myself feel. I thought to myself “bring it on.” It doesn’t matter if I feel hyperarousal because it’s actually not all that bad and it doesn’t hurt. It’s just a little annoying. For the first time in days, I started to feel a profound sense of peace and calm. I’m almost hesitant to say that this did help me sleep, because I don’t want anyone to read this and think “if I just do what this lady says, I’ll sleep tonight.” Sleep is never the goal. In this moment, I was just practicing feeling panicky without fearing it. Even if I had struggled to sleep again, that would be okay! When it comes to insomnia recovery, measuring progress by hours of sleep we get isn’t the best strategy. Progress comes when we challenge our unhelpful thought and behavior patterns.

So I’ll end this with the following insight. Sleep will ALWAYS come eventually. We are not broken and we haven’t forgotten how to sleep. Even hyperarousal can’t stop us from sleeping if enough sleep drive builds up. So I challenge you to question your beliefs around feelings of panic. View them as annoyances, not physical threats. It is okay to feel them. When it comes to the panic related to insomnia, the only way out is through. Confronting your fear of wakefulness and of hyperarousal will start to make them lose their power over you.

[Alyshamarie007]

Thank you so much for sharing. Sometimes doing all the things to try and make sleep happens makes it worse. I haven’t tried listening to an audio book during the times I can’t sleep but that might be a new tool I try.

[Packer Fan]

This was very well done. I also am about 2 years out of Martin’s course. Where I am now verses prior to participating in the 6-week program is nothing short but amazing. Though I still am having nights (last night) out of nowhere I don’t sleep. The frustration comes into play that when I go to bed, I have a program that I run through. One of the things I try to identify and eliminate is sleep arousal. So last night, I didn’t have any, but for that unknown reason I couldn’t sleep. Now what I have been doing is telling myself when I done with my pre-bed ritual is stating” insomnia I want you out of my brain, I want you out of my body, I want you out of my room” As stupid as this sounds, it has been helping, as prior to last night, my sleep hasn’t been bad other than waking up often, which I have to try and figure out. I know I can’t create sleep, telling myself when I lie down Im going to rest, I’m going to “train the brain”
Even though I have come along way, no drugs, nights like last night, I need to get over.
Thank you for the great insight!!

[Klara]

Great share, such good points and reminders!

[jasmtzgtz]

I just submitted my first post ever & your insight describes what i’m feeling perfectly. Thank you for sharing!!

[SRK]

Thank you for this post. Two years dealing with insomnia has left me feeling broken, especially at night when I’m unable to sleep. For instance, right now, it’s the middle of the night and I’m in tears. I’m saddened by how many people suffer from insomnia. Wish I wasn’t part of the club, but I am, and it helps to read what others are going through.

[ChildofGod]

Thank you so much for sharing. I am in this battle currently. I get sleepy but then as I drift off I get an adrenaline rush and can’t fall asleep. This began 2 weeks ago when I had myoclonus jerks one night and they wouldn’t stop. It sent me in to a panic spiral and now sleep anxiety. My doctor has prescribed trazodone which I don’t want to take because I want my sleep to come naturally, but after 48 hours of zero sleep I may have to give in to the meds. I don’t fight the adrenaline and physical arousal feelings, but I do find myself getting frustrated. How do you cope with this? Do I just accept that I may not get any sleep tonight?

[Bronte]

Thanks to everyone for sharing their thoughts and experiences. It helps me to feel less alone and less of a freak!
I have had insomnia on and off for over forty years. It’s been more on than off and recently I’ve been going it alone without any meds and it’s so hard.
I’ve done numerous courses and researched insomnia to exhaustion and I haven’t found the magic cure.
I think back to times when I was sleeping and it was always when I had no major stresses in my life , but it never lasted very long.
I feel that Martin’s course is the best chance I have. I believe that ACTi offers the best techniques. I also use the Curable app as I have a number of other mind body symptoms, as well as insomnia. It’s all about hyper vigilance and an overactive nervous system, often originating in childhood.
Like some of you, I find the all nighters the worst as they cripple your life and amplify the anxiety which then causes another bad night
I’m just starting this course and I remain hopeful. Good luck to everyone and knowing I’m not alone helps a lot. Thank you.

[Psalm91]

Hyperarousal, for me, is one of the hardest things to deal with. I don’t WANT to watch or listen to anything. Getting up and pacing around is about all I can manage at this point. Maybe if I start earlier, or before I get seriously hyped up, it would be easier to deal with. This definitely is a learning journey. Thanks for all the posts…

[Author]

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