[Lozelise]

I’m so defeated. I was managing my insomnia okay, because I was able to fall asleep every night without fail, sure I would usually wake up an hour later and struggle to get back to sleep! But I felt like all I needed to do was stay asleep and insomnia wouldn’t be an issue and this made me quite calm getting into bed at night. I was almost proud that at the very least, I could fall asleep at first. Now it seems I’ve lost my ability to fall asleep, I’ve just had two nights where I’ve not fallen asleep at all until 5-6am and then only get 1-2 hours and feel so incredibly sick the next day. This is now made me completely spiral and im no longer calm in trying to sleep at night, my anxiety is through the roof and I’m not able to calm down despite every effort. The only way I am able to sleep at the moment is sleeping pills (I’ve only had three so far but they’ve worked each time). I’m convinced I won’t fall asleep at night anymore, and can’t shake the thoughts all day either. I’d much rather struggle with sleep maintenance issues than not falling asleep until sunrise! I’m losing hope that I can beat this, it’s just getting worse

[Chee2308]

It’s really quite normal to feel dejected in the early stages of recovery. I was there and everyone who has been through this has been there. It’s hard to describe what I went through to get over it but a mindset shift is the key and very important. It invariably happens when you stop monitoring progress and chasing results. Quit obsessing over the end result, ie the sleep because it is not possible to directly control, focus more on the things that you can control like conducive sleep environment, reducing stress and most importantly, managing your emotions. A bad night or a string of them is not the end of the world because it is not the only time you’ll sleep! There’s plenty of opportunities to catch up down the road.

Think of it like walking. Do you need to walk every minute of your waking hours just to prove to yourself that you can walk? NO. You don’t need to do that because you KNOW and are already CONVINCED there’s nothing wrong with it so you’d rather sit down and relax. Well sleep is kinda like that. You are desperately trying to prove to yourself you CAN sleep, so therefore you create this unnecessary “marathon” for yourself every night, and then you set imaginary but completely unnecessary goals and put undue and unwarranted pressure on yourself JUST TO PROVE A POINT THAT I KNOW YOUR BODY ALREADY KNOWS HOW TO DO NATURALLY. Why? It’s like making yourself run a 20km marathon every single day just to prove to your mind that your walking is fine. And in the progress, you just get worn out and worn down, depressed, sad and STILL unsatisfied with what you get. Well at what point, will you be content? When will you ever be satisfied? Perpetual dissatisfaction only leads to perpetual and needless suffering. Just stop. Suffering is never ended through relentless effort but only through wisdom, empathy and compassion. Mostly to yourself. Learn to sit back, quit the goal chasing and just trust the process. Good luck to you.

[Author]

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