[Megdee]

I’m going back to full-time work in a couple of months and have had horrible insomnia that I think was triggered by that, but has now taken on a life of its own and become the main focus of my life. I’m even considering rejecting the job because it will put even more stress on me to sleep. I’m hopeful that this program could work, but so scared about trying one more thing that ends up not working.

[hiker]

Hi Megdee, I think you have hit on an important point. It is understandable that you would have some situational insomnia with the big change coming, i.e. back to full-time work. But as you say, now it seems like the insomnia has taken on a life of its own. I can relate to how it seems like insomnia is well…. a monster, out to ruin our lives. At least, I have ascribed those qualities to it.

The truth is that insomnia has no life. And making it the main focus is trying to…I don’t know, herd cats, control air bubbles? It doesn’t respond to effort.

So what to do? I think foregoing opportunities like a job or a relationship or whatever is just giving insomnia more control. And unless you are independently wealthy, you have to get out there somewhere, somehow, and even if you can afford to hide, do you want to give up and be a recluse?

Maybe this is a rambling way of saying just do the best you can, and if you are afraid of failure, e.g. getting fired, what can you do except just give it your best?

I struggled with insomnia for many years (does not mean you will, it was unresolved childhood trauma). I failed at a number of things–got fired a few times, got dumped several times, and looking back some of it was probably related to my lack of confidence and exhaustion. But what are you gonna do except do the best you can, right?

I know the feeling that insomnia is running your life and is going to destroy you can be an incredibly powerful feeling. And we live in a age which gives an enormous amount of credence to how we feel (sorry, I think my self-absorbed boomer generation, including yours truly, conjured that up). But “incredibly powerful feeling” does not equal “true.”

Finally, how is it little kids just conk out and go to sleep? All our adult analysis can sometimes really get in the way.

I hope this hasn’t sound casually dismissive. I know it seems like there is no way out, but if you can stick with this forum, I think you will see you are not alone—even though, again, it can feel that way.

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