Hi Lisa33, oh man, is it tough or what…….maybe especially for people who try hard at something and generally succeed. I could be way off here, but for some reason I think you fit in this category?
Anyway, trying to sleep is one of those things where trying harder doesn’t work. As for sleep aids, you already know that pills are not the long term solution. (You might want to check with a pharmacist, but I am fairly certain Xanax is for short term use for panic attacks.)
I am guessing you have heard the advice about observing your thoughts instead of living in them. And it is absolutely easier said than done. So how to do it? I think it comes down to a practice routine, and here I am talking about mindfulness, which is a current fad–and also a way to approach our thoughts that has been around for about 3,000 years. You can read about it, watch videos about it, talk about it…..but it comes down to doing it. And no, it is not a cure-all, and sometimes you think you will never get anywhere. (For me, it is analogous to learning guitar, but pick whatever analogy applies for you…. another might be actually physically exercising instead of just talking about it….) Suggest palousemindfulness.com or mindfulness northwest.com as examples of free websites. Lots of avenues, some will resonate, others not so much.
I think Martin’s cognitive behavior therapy course is a good regimen if you find that a set schedule of exercises might be the way to stay motivated.
I don’t understand how all this stuff works, but there are reputable studies which show physiological changes to the brain which can lead, among other things, to better sleep. I thought it sounded kind of out there, but eventually I started wishing I had heard about all this years ago, after struggling and trying so hard to sleep.
I hope you stay with this website to keep reminding yourself that you indeed are not alone. Nothing like chronic insomnia to get so scrambled you can’t think straight. This is especially the time not to take your thoughts too seriously, they can really get whacky.
Take care, you are not condemned to a lifetime of insomnia.