[AL300]

I’m really glad I stumbled across one of Martin’s videos today. The last month my life has taken a massive dive in quality of life due to nights of not being able to fall asleep. I thought I had handled the problem fairly well, and I hadn’t had much of an episode of not sleeping in about a year and a half.

I had gone from a night shift job to a work from home day job. I was doing fairly well at having a bed time, which was 1:30am, with work beginning at 9:00am. I did fairly well with this, even began to ride my bicycle almost daily for 15 miles a day. I found having a bed time and expelling energy really helped quite a bit.

Back in June I got sick with god only knows what. The doctor prescribed me Prednisone and without looking much into it I took the beginning doses for a single day and I was up literally all night and I finally fell asleep for an hour or two around 7:00am. I had to let my boss know I wouldn’t be able to work that day. This was around late June. About a week and a half later it happened again, not as bad, but I was up till about 4 or 5, and finally fell asleep. It wasn’t until August this happened again. I was visiting my father, and on the last day of the trip I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t sleep at all that night. Not even a minute. Then it happened again, about 2 weeks later, and I got roughly 2 hours of sleep, and then again, just last night I got about 3 hours of sleep.

I feel like I’m spiraling out of control.

Now the things I enjoyed doing, like exercising exist as a method to dealing with going to sleep. My bed time is to help with going to sleep. My eating healthier is to be able to go to sleep. When I lay down to sleep I worry about not sleeping, and that causes more worry. My mind often races with completely incoherent thoughts, repetition of songs, etc. It feels like I’m entering a vicious cycle. When I open my eyes at night all I can think of is how I’m going to be a burden to my boss, eventually lose my job, etc. Realistically I know I’m a good employee. My metrics are good, I received my first promotion here already, this shouldn’t be a concern, but I make it one.

In the video I watched they talk about values and still trying to progress towards them even if you didn’t sleep well. I almost feel like I’ve shifted the things I do because I valued going outside, enjoying putting in effort to ride my bike, see nature, etc, to doing it because I feel it is necessary.
(video link)

Just looking for some advice, maybe a link to another video, maybe something that can help define values and how to go about that. Even something that helps with the catastrophizing.

[Jamie]

I am sorry that I don’t have advice for you, but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I feel like I could of wrote your post.

[AL300]

I will say the video was super informative and it definitely made me feel like I wasn’t alone. I’ve slept well the last two nights and when the fears of sleep come during the day I try to ask myself why I am so worried about it. I know for a fact, and with much proof, that my job working from home is fairly easy. I am lucky in that I suppose, that I don’t have to get in a car each day, and thus I avoid any dangers from a lack of sleep. I’m not going to hop on the phone and chew a customer out, nor will I mess up my job. My day will get by just fine on a lack of sleep, but I’ll just feel bleh. Then I try to remind myself that I do things because I ENJOY THEM not because they will aid in my going to bed, 2, 4, 10 hours from now. If I want to ride my bicycle it isn’t because going outside will tire me later, it’s because I truthfully enjoy riding it. I try to remember that while riding too.

I had a lot of lights coming from my computer as well that I’ve turned off. It’s crazy the difference in the amount of light that I didn’t realize was in my room till I actively removed their sources. I read a book, a very boring one suggested by an old coworker and I fought the urge to fall asleep while reading. I only made it about 10 pages in before giving up. I stopped watching TV from the couch, as I sleep on my couch (maybe that’s a bit strange for most).

My big fear though is that this is fairly normal. I will go many nights without an occurrence and it will happen again, but I’m really going to try to have things on hand to do rather than stir there on the couch frustrated.

[Author]

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