[susieangela]

Hi, I’m a newbie here. I began a CBTi course a week ago and last night began the stimulus reduction thing. I was told that if I lay awake in bed for more than 15 minutes I should get up and go and sit and read or whatever. Usually I fall asleep easily and sleep deeply for 4-5 hours, then wake and can’t sleep again. Last night I woke after an hour and twenty minutes. I got up, read for about 2 hours, tried to sleep again. No sleep. This happened around 4 times in all. At about 0640 I gave up and went on the internet. Then tried again, but no sleep, and ended up lying in bed awake for an hour, beating myself up for not doing it ‘properly’. So I’ve had 80 mins sleep. I know this is meant to create new habits of associating bed with sleep, but I’m anxious that now I’ll be associating bed with ‘I’ve got to get to sleep within 15 mins or I’ll have to get up’. Is this normal at the beginning of the process? I’m so exhausted I don’t know what to do with myself.

[Chee2308]

Hello!

You seem to confuse “should” with “must”. There is no strict requirement to leave the bed if conditions for sleep are right, ie, not overly stressed, no unpleasant wakefulness and you feel comfortable in bed. If still confused, always go back to your past habits before you had insomnia, you must have had occasions when you can’t sleep. What did you do then? Then go back to doing that. In overcoming insomnia, regaining your personality plays a big part.

If you didn’t have to restrict your time to falling asleep in just 15mins, would you be more relaxed in your approach to cbti? Don’t beat yourself up because you are not doing it perfectly. Because having done it myself and sleeping well now, I can tell you it doesn’t make much difference. Or at all. Now I pretty much break almost all of the rules of cbti, like napping, not getting out of bed when not asleep, fidgeting with my phone in bed and I still sleep pretty well! I guess it’s because I’m super relaxed about my bedtime routine. There is no pressure to sleep and that’s why I sleep. When you finish your cbti, this is what everyone should be doing. When there are no rigid rules or pressure, sleep comes easier. Don’t chase sleep, let it chase you. Good luck!

[susieangela]

Thank you! It’s reassuring and good to hear your experience and thoughts. I tend to perfectionise anything I do, in a very black and white way – I’m just listening to Nick on the podcast, and over and over again I seem to be hearing that the most important thing is to just get on with your life and what matters to you most and let the other stuff sort of travel alongside you but not give it the steering wheel (as Elizabeth Gilbert describes in Big Magic). I really like what you say about ‘regaining your personality’. That’s lovely.

[Martin Reed]

You might want to experiment with not checking the time during the night and not estimating the duration of any nighttime wakefulness. Instead, consider allowing it to happen — give it permission to show up. Maybe see wakefulness as an opportunity to rest.

If that wakefulness feels really unpleasant and you find yourself struggling, then you might do something else instead — and, if you’d rather do something else in bed rather than getting out of bed, you might want to do just that!

Since sleep and wakefulness can’t be controlled, I think the true goal of stimulus control is simply to practice experiencing nighttime wakefulness in a more workable way — a way that involves less struggle.

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If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.

The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

[susieangela]

Thank you so much, Martin. 🙂 Really appreciate your reply and it’s very timely as last night I woke and felt I HAD to check the clock as the previous night I’d only got 1.5 hours sleep. I’ve put the clock out of my bedroom but when I wake in the dark I feel terrified that it’s only an hour or so since I slept and feel I ‘need’ to check the time. The thing I’m really finding hard is the panic I feel when I wake in the early hours – and the fear that (as happened yesterday) I’ll be so exhausted next day I can’t do much at all. I know that I’m compounding the problem by ‘clock watching’ and monitoring, but I worry that, as I’m filling out the sleep diary, I’ll have literally no idea what time I woke and slept.

[Martin Reed]

Most people don’t have any real idea of when they wake and when they sleep — probably because when we are asleep we don’t know what time it is and we don’t know how long we are asleep for (because we’re asleep, right?)! If you are filling out a sleep diary, best guesses are usually the best way to fill them out, in order to move away from clock watching.

When that panic and fear shows up at night, how do you currently respond to it? On those difficult days after difficult nights, are you still doing things that matter to you — or do you find yourself completely withdrawing from life?

—

If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.

The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

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