[cat_ncsu]

Hi,
For context, I have taken Martin’s free course, watched lots of his YouTubes, and scan this forum periodically. I am almost in month 2 of implementing (sometimes imperfectly of course!) CBT-i.
My biggest challenge still is being somewhat sleep obsessed during the day after nights when the sleep is poor. I am successful at just living my life as suggested here, not canceling things, etc. But there are still always down times and the exhaustion rears its head and I start getting anxious or obsessed about what will happen tonight, or about how bad I feel. Sometimes even when I’m out doing things as “normal” I get triggered easily or feel very run down. Like today I was riding the train, saw someone taking a nap, and wished I could be carefree about naps like her. But, no, I’m not allowing myself naps. And now, though I told myself I would stop thinking about sleep, here I am on the forum, looking for help. I suppose it is a strength to reach out for help when one feels stuck.
Thanks as always, everyone!

[Chee2308]

Hello @cat_ncsu!
The real breakthrough for me happened when I completely ditched everything. Including doing CBTI and avoidance of naps. I stopped timing myself, or tracking my sleep and slept whenever I felt sleepy including taking naps in the afternoons occasionally. I don’t care what this does to my nightly sleep. Ironically, during CBTI, with a sleep diary and following a sleep window, I could never get past sleeping 6 hours. It was always in between 4 and 6 hours. Later on, I realized it was doing all these things for sleep that was keeping my “partial” insomnia in place. They were forcing me to pay a lot of attention on sleep to maintain some kind of performance. Therein lies the problem. Pressuring yourself to sleep always backfires.

Now, I don’t care about sleep anymore. I go to bed usually between 12 and 1am. Some rare occasions even earlier at 1030 when I am really sleepy or as late at 2am when I had to stay up. I always get out of bed between 8 and 9. I wake up during the nights too, usually once to go to the bathroom typically at 3-4 am. Then I go back to bed and usually fall asleep within 10-20 mins. When I don’t track sleep, the time really flies!

I think you will one day look back at this occasion, and find it funny you have to follow all these sleep “rules”. Yes, use them to help you get back on your feet like crutches but you should be able to abandon them once you’ve outgrown them. Only then will you discover the vast freedom that lies ahead when you are no longer bound to them. One day, you too will be able to take that nap on the train and probably someone else will look at you in the same way as you are now. So the roles have switched. And then you will get off that train and get on with your business as usual and not think about sleep at all anymore! Good luck.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by Chee2308.

[cat_ncsu]

That seems like solid advice for breaking me out of the anxiety <> insomnia cycle I am in. I need to care less! Last night was my worst night in a while and I feel pretty horrible. But I had a pretty normal day.
I am going to stop with the tracking apps as of tonight!!

One other thing I am doing is not letting myself look at videos, blogs, etc. related to sleep or insomnia after 8am, except another 15 minutes in the afternoon to reset the positive vibes. But I have to stop “studying” the “problem.” Sleep is not a problem, it just comes when the sleep drive is high and the bed associations are positive and relaxing. I heard Martin talking about this with a guest on his podcast and it seemed like a great idea to limit the exposure to information (that I already probably mostly know, since I’ve been at this for 4+ months now!!).

Thank you so much!

[Chee2308]

Glad to hear this. Insomnia is a really a problem of unhealthy obsession with sleep and too much overthinking, causing an over-reaction to a harmless problem. If you study yourself before and during insomnia and between yourself and that person you saw napping, your ability to sleep has not changed or differ from that person. The real difference is your perception and how you view sleep. Good luck!

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