[Erica]

I’m struggling on what to do when I can’t sleep. I can’t find the thing that relaxes me because I feel aroused and frustrated about not sleeping. How did you find your technique?

[hiker]

Hi Erica, I can relate to your frustration and your wanting to solve the problem with a technique. The last thing I wanted to hear was “oh, don’t worry, just relax,” because it sounded so simplistic—especially coming from someone who sleeps fine. They just don’t understand what it’s like, right?

I dealt with insomnia for many years (doesn’t mean you will, there was lots of trauma to deal with, etc etc.). My point is only that I have been there. And it is only natural to want to find a method, a technique, to solve it. At least it seems that way where I am, in the USA where a lot of Americans have a “can do” attitude in their DNA–a good thing when it comes to planning a building project, or how to finance a mortgage, even dealing with specific, definable health problems where you fix something, like setting a broken leg.

Lots of doctors are more like medical engineers–good at specific, definable but in the emotional realm, not so helpful and sometimes downright unhelpful. Many will prescribe sleep meds, which can work short term, until you build up a tolerance. And then you can move on to the next drug, which might work for a while, or maybe not.

Unfortunately it does not work so well when ….I don’t know, a natural process is involved. Sleeping is like breathing. You don’t plan and then employ a technique for breathing. The body breathes itself just fine (unless you have a specific, medical problem to address, such as oxygen deficiency). “Sleep just happens” sounds simplistic, but you might have noticed times when you weren’t trying to sleep and yet you find yourself dozing off.

Everyone has their own journey, but for me, what worked best was mindfulness meditation, where I learned to live in the moment—and also prayer, for the strength to get through the moment, if it was a really bad one.

One thing I know for sure: you are not condemned to a lifetime of insomnia, even though it can feel that way when you are too tired to think straight.

[Erica]

You are right!

I feel like finding your technique is also that pressure to find that “fix” to the insomnia. Also, I find when I am trying to meditate, read, color, or whatever it is, I’m “trying to do it so I get sleepy” which still keeps me in that arousal state. So I’ll be reading, but still thinking “do i feel tired yet? I still feel aroused, I’m reading and still stressing about feeling aroused. This isn’t working” and just get frustrated. Sometimes I feel helpless. So right now, I rest on the couch and close my eyes like a nap until I fall asleep. Or sometimes I scroll social media, eat a snack, pet my dog, and then close my eyes to rest then fall asleep an hour later or so.

[Author]

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