[Uchigatanaplus15]

I understand if this doesn’t get any attention- i am here to vent-something i am not particularly good at. I always feel like people on the listening end of the vent are rightfully uninterested and should have no reason to be invested in my well-being. Still, writing helps soothe my nerves- so here goes nothing.

I haven’t felt a sense of purpose for a long time now-more than three years or so, since i started college at 18 (I’ll be 21 next month)- which has undeniably lend massively to my overall depression and sleeplessness. The only times in these years when i had “long” sleep (can’t say they were “good” or “healthy”) was when i downed myself in alcohol and literally passed out(fortunately/unfortunately these are but a very few isolated incidents), and i haven’t been able to stay asleep for more than 3 hours at a stretch otherwise.

The situation has gotten worse in the last month, due to personal reasons, and in the last 7 days, i have slept for a cumulative total of 15 hours. I started working out last year to do away with my previous addictions- alcohol, cigarettes and weed and have been clean (for the most part) since then- however, my sleep has not gotten any better. I don’t remember what it felt to wake up in the morning like a normal person after a good night’s sleep. Needless to say, lack of sleep for one night makes any chances of mending the sleep quality far less- and when you consider that for weeks at a stretch you get a really dysfunctional mess of all sorts of problems.

I don’t see any light right now if i am completely honest- the only reason I’m carrying on with this excruciating mental torment is so that my parents don’t feel sad- they did all they could to bring me up the right way- granted,some of their decisions dealt a heavier blow to my sanity than anything possibly could- their intent was always to help me, and my fault was not to let them know my side of the story.

Whatever happens, i don’t know how long i can continue like this- it’s possibly the only thing which gets worse the more you consciously try. I have no idea what I’ll do after graduation, in all honesty- i hope i somehow get to die before i hit my mid twenties.

[SIimon]

Are you taking any medication for your depression?

[Uchigatanaplus15]

I consulted a psychiatrist and he prescribed me sleep meds. I took them once a few days back and i woke up feeling really dizzy so he told me to put it off for now till the next appointment- which is tomorrow. He’ll probably reduce the dosage.

[Christine]

From one who is suffering and understands you, I am so sorry for what you’re going through. You are a young man with time on your side to work this out. Seek help for the depression. Also, try CBT-I which is offered here and other online programs.

It would be beneficial to you to line up a support network of friends, family and professionals. Practice self-care, learn how to think positively and have faith that this is only a “phase” and will pass.

Praying for you, myself and everyone reading this. ???

[SIimon]

Ok. It’s just from reading your post you seem to be rather depressed and this could be causing your sleep issues…..your insomnia could be a secondary condition to the depression.

If your psychiatrist knows how you feel they really should give you an anti-depressant to try and lift your mood.

[Martin Reed]

Thank you for sharing your story. We welcome venting here! This is a supportive community and we are all here to help one another. I am sorry to hear about your ongoing struggles with sleep.

Congratulations on doing away with the unhealthy addictions. This demonstrates that you have drive, fortitude, and huge resources of mental strength — so, I think this can be harnessed to get your sleep back on track.

In all your dealings with medical professionals, has CBT-I ever been mentioned? If not, you may want to ask your doctor whether they think you’d be a good candidate.

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