[MontanaJo]

I actually fell asleep fairly easily. Then my husband came to bed, and my stress woke me up. It’s after midnight, and I want to go to church tomorrow. I KNOW I can still go, and be ok then, but the self talk and anxiety drove me from bed. I’ve tried giving control to God, but my anxiety keeps pulling it back. I’m angry, let’s be honest. I’m disappointed that God has not fixed this yet…How can He give me sleep so well last night, and allow so much anxiety tonight? I KNOW in my awake brain out of bed that it’s a process, but it’s so hard!

[Martin Reed]

Ah yes, my wife always wakes me up (intentionally — I think!) whenever I go to bed before she does 🙂

Here’s the thing — you know you are capable of falling asleep, since you fall asleep fairly easily at the start of the night. So, when you wake (in this example, when your husband comes to bed) something is happening that makes it hard for you to fall asleep again.

Sometimes when we are attached to sleep — when we tell ourselves or put pressure on ourselves to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen — things can get really difficult whenever obstacles appear that might prevent that from happening.

Then, when the obstacle shows up it comes with lots of difficult thoughts and feelings which we, in turn, also recognize as additional obstacles so we then start trying to fight those thoughts and feelings.

So now we are at war with being awake and we are at war with our thoughts and we are at war with our feelings. Probably not a good recipe for sleep, right?!

How might we get ourselves out of this loop or sequence of events?

Maybe giving ourselves permission to spend time awake during the night and/or not having rules or attachments to getting a certain amount or type of sleep might be helpful?

Maybe being kinder to ourselves and not putting pressure on ourselves or being hard on ourselves when things are difficult might be helpful?

And, perhaps building some skill in allowing difficult thoughts to be present and to come and go as they choose (instead of going to war with them) might be helpful, too?

I hope there’s something useful here!

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The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

[MontanaJo]

Your answers are SO SPOT ON! I’m still using the CBT coach, but I’m almost ready to quit her, and start your online coaching…Just rather on the fence yet. However, last night, I didn’t sleep much, but used your info about accepting anxiety, stress, etc, and just laid in bed. Yes, I was anxious and stressed, but I was kind to myself (thanks to YOU) and after getting little sleep, I’m still ok! Yea, I’m exhausted but I’m NOT angry–at me, or my husband.

[Author]

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