[SpeedOfLight]

I have had on-and-off insomnia for the past five years, and did CBTi from November 2023 to April 2024. It ended up working well. I still had occasional bad nights, but they were much less frequent and severe compared to before. In June 2025 I underwent something that gave me severe anxiety, where I had anxiety attacks and even a couple panic attacks. I saw a therapist about it and that issue is mostly resolved, but the insomnia came back and I’m working on ending it again.

I’m trying to fight negative thoughts about sleep, as I think tackling those thoughts helps. To me it is infuriating how sleeping can be so necessary for my health, yet my body absolutely refuses to let me do it. I think it is a design flaw in my body. But I also know that there is hope and solutions. I remind myself that I’ve gone through similar and worse spells of insomnia and recovered, but then have thoughts that this time is different for some reason (e.g., I have to drive a couple miles to work every day now).

I know that negative thoughts about sleep are a self-fulfiling prophecy, but it is difficult not to have them. When I was doing CBTi, towards the end I had a system where I was allowed to have any negative thoughts or worries before 3 pm on a given day, and after that it must be shut out. I’m trying a similar thing, although sometimes I find that I don’t feel the natural urge to get angry or anxious until after 3 pm. Do you have advice on how to tackle negative thoughts about sleep? Should I try to force out the negative thoughts, or just let them be, or something else?

My CBTi did not include a component on challenging negative thoughts about sleep, by the way. It was me choosing that and trying on my own to not catastrophize.

[hiker]

Hi SpeedofLight, I can relate to the thought problem. For a long time, I figured I was at the mercy of whatever thought popped into my head. I did try, as you say, fighting, tackling, forcing them out. Unfortunately, it didn’t work very well–especially when waking up in the middle of the night, when I guess your psychological defenses are down.

Call in CBT or mindfulness or whatever, but finally I learned that while I couldn’t stop the negative thought, I didn’t have to buy into it. Instead, I could just note and observe it.

I now expect that I will wake up in the middle of the night, and more often than not I have a negative thought pop into my head, e.g. how I wish I had spoken up instead of getting bullied, even 40+ years ago! Instead of totally re-living it, I note that “I’m having the thought that I was a coward.” Not a pleasant thought, but different than extrapolating into “I am a failure in life, I never get it right, I am disgusted with myself, I wish I had just slapped her in the face, I hope she is miserable today, wherever she is” etc etc.

Maybe a nature analogy will work here? Say you are sitting beside a river, just watching the water flow by. Apparently a tree branch broke off and fell into the river, because here it comes floating by. It is a thought. You can’t stop the branch from coming into view, or from floating by. But you don’t have to jump in the river and try to stop it. (Even if you were able to, another branch would be coming along before long.) Instead, you can just watch it pass on.

Add to all of this the difficult time you had this past June, and it is understandable you might well be having a whole thicket of branches coming along. All the more reason not to jump in the river.

Of course it is easy to type something like this when I’m not going through it right now. But I have, as have millions of other people. I hope you will read other posts, even ones not directly responding to you. That and Martin’s emails/podcasts.

Take care, you are not alone in this.

[Martin Reed]

I can tell you have that problem-solving superpower, @SpeedOfLight! You’ve also been through a lot and that means you’ve also learned a lot.

When it comes to “tackling negative thoughts” by forcing them out or letting them be — what guidance does your experience have to offer as you consider what the most workable way forward might be?

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If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.

The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

[ktMD]

Wow, hiker. You comment ” I didn’t have to buy into it. Instead, I could just note and observe it” was right on. Although intellectually I heard that, it didn’t sink in for a while.

I don’t have to buy into thoughts. I always thought that accepting thoughts meant buying into them. Not true!

This is very helpful. I love your metaphor of the branches falling into the river too.

Thanks,
Kathy

[Author]

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