[SpeedOfLight]

I have had on-and-off insomnia for the past five years, and did CBTi from November 2023 to April 2024. It ended up working well. I still had occasional bad nights, but they were much less frequent and severe compared to before. In June 2025 I underwent something that gave me severe anxiety, where I had anxiety attacks and even a couple panic attacks. I saw a therapist about it and that issue is mostly resolved, but the insomnia came back and I’m working on ending it again.

I’m trying to fight negative thoughts about sleep, as I think tackling those thoughts helps. To me it is infuriating how sleeping can be so necessary for my health, yet my body absolutely refuses to let me do it. I think it is a design flaw in my body. But I also know that there is hope and solutions. I remind myself that I’ve gone through similar and worse spells of insomnia and recovered, but then have thoughts that this time is different for some reason (e.g., I have to drive a couple miles to work every day now).

I know that negative thoughts about sleep are a self-fulfiling prophecy, but it is difficult not to have them. When I was doing CBTi, towards the end I had a system where I was allowed to have any negative thoughts or worries before 3 pm on a given day, and after that it must be shut out. I’m trying a similar thing, although sometimes I find that I don’t feel the natural urge to get angry or anxious until after 3 pm. Do you have advice on how to tackle negative thoughts about sleep? Should I try to force out the negative thoughts, or just let them be, or something else?

My CBTi did not include a component on challenging negative thoughts about sleep, by the way. It was me choosing that and trying on my own to not catastrophize.

[hiker]

Hi SpeedofLight, I can relate to the thought problem. For a long time, I figured I was at the mercy of whatever thought popped into my head. I did try, as you say, fighting, tackling, forcing them out. Unfortunately, it didn’t work very well–especially when waking up in the middle of the night, when I guess your psychological defenses are down.

Call in CBT or mindfulness or whatever, but finally I learned that while I couldn’t stop the negative thought, I didn’t have to buy into it. Instead, I could just note and observe it.

I now expect that I will wake up in the middle of the night, and more often than not I have a negative thought pop into my head, e.g. how I wish I had spoken up instead of getting bullied, even 40+ years ago! Instead of totally re-living it, I note that “I’m having the thought that I was a coward.” Not a pleasant thought, but different than extrapolating into “I am a failure in life, I never get it right, I am disgusted with myself, I wish I had just slapped her in the face, I hope she is miserable today, wherever she is” etc etc.

Maybe a nature analogy will work here? Say you are sitting beside a river, just watching the water flow by. Apparently a tree branch broke off and fell into the river, because here it comes floating by. It is a thought. You can’t stop the branch from coming into view, or from floating by. But you don’t have to jump in the river and try to stop it. (Even if you were able to, another branch would be coming along before long.) Instead, you can just watch it pass on.

Add to all of this the difficult time you had this past June, and it is understandable you might well be having a whole thicket of branches coming along. All the more reason not to jump in the river.

Of course it is easy to type something like this when I’m not going through it right now. But I have, as have millions of other people. I hope you will read other posts, even ones not directly responding to you. That and Martin’s emails/podcasts.

Take care, you are not alone in this.

[Martin Reed]

I can tell you have that problem-solving superpower, @SpeedOfLight! You’ve also been through a lot and that means you’ve also learned a lot.

When it comes to “tackling negative thoughts” by forcing them out or letting them be — what guidance does your experience have to offer as you consider what the most workable way forward might be?

—

If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.

The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

[ktMD]

Wow, hiker. You comment ” I didn’t have to buy into it. Instead, I could just note and observe it” was right on. Although intellectually I heard that, it didn’t sink in for a while.

I don’t have to buy into thoughts. I always thought that accepting thoughts meant buying into them. Not true!

This is very helpful. I love your metaphor of the branches falling into the river too.

Thanks,
Kathy

[hiker]

Hello again, you wrote that insomnia has been on-and-off. Same here, and probably for just about everybody.

It would be great if we could just pick up an insight, declare the insomnia problem solved, and sleep wonderfully every night. But here I am, having to remind myself about the thought stream and letting it flow by instead of jumping in. Why? I figured out that issue some time ago. That should be the end of it, right?

The bad news is that a powerful thought comes along and it starts banging on the door. My latest is that I should be getting more recognition for the music I create. All of us can fill in similar thoughts: I should be getting paid more; she shouldn’t have said that; they should have fixed the garage door better; people should be more considerate.

The good news is that even if the new thought disrupts sleep, it probably won’t morph into a long term problem. Because after a while, I remember this new powerful thought is just the latest branch floating down the river. Once I stop trying to wrestle with it, instead getting out of the river and letting it sail by, I can see it’s like the stuff I wrestled with earlier.

I find the more I practice labeling and watching thoughts instead of reacting to them, I don’t spend as much time in the river as I used to.

[Chee2308]

Hello speed

Wonderful to have a lot of people giving very good responses here.

Unfortunately, trying to make catastrophizing thoughts go away probably wouldn’t work. In my experience, the way out is to allow them to happen. Uncomfortable, yes, but allow them. And continue with your daily chores or tasks even with this discomfort. They do come and go but over time, they tend to become milder and affect you less.

How to deal with these thoughts? Try acknowledging them as being just thoughts. Or feelings. Thoughts and feelings are harmless, keep reminding yourself that. It’s just a thought or feeling. You don’t have to respond to them.

Let’s say, for example, if you’re male, a random ludicrous thought would be like, “I think you’re female.” Should you respond to that? Nope. You know the real answer because you know you’re male and the thought is incorrect. That’s how unhelpful thoughts should be treated. Yes, they are annoying but also probably false and has nothing to do with reality. You are not your thoughts and those thoughts aren’t yours to respond to. There’s the difference.

By allowing thoughts to come and go but while every single time, seeing that no danger has happened to you will allow your nervous system to reset itself and begin calming down. You can definitely do this because millions have. Best wishes to you.

[SpeedOfLight]

It sounds like people here want me to practice mindfulness. I’ve been practicing that with a therapist for a while. To me it seems challenging to allow myself to have catastrophizing thoughts without believing them.

That is a funny analogy, because I am male, and once had a two-month period where my OCD made me fear that I was transgender.

[Chee2308]

Hello speed

So how many of those catastrophic thoughts turned out to be true?

You had feared being trans so did you turn out that way or not? The answer is either a yes and no. And does that thought still bother you today? See how thoughts and feelings come and go? They keep changing all the time and what you think or feel today may not be relevant or important anymore in the near future. It then becomes a matter of prioritizing which thoughts are more relevant and productive to respond to and which ones are not.

If sleeping is your main concern, having sleep anxiety will not prevent sleep from happening. Because there is no such thing as zero anxiety, zero worry, or perfect sleep. Accept that some worry or concern or anxiety or having catastrophizing thoughts is normal, it’s just your brain trying to keep you safe. But you can teach your brain that you are already safe by going about your day as normal in spite of catastrophic thoughts and that you will always be okay no matter what. Best wishes to you.

[Author]

Posts