[Lillian]

I am currently struggling trying to get comfortable with sleeping in my bed. I am only getting into bed when I feel sleepy but why it is that I feel like once I get into bed I feel the need to have to perform sleep which then makes it very difficult for me to fall asleep but when I move to the sofa and just relax laying there not expecting to sleep then I would be able to fall sleep which is what I want to do in bed instead. How do I get comfortable with laying in bed and not feel the need to perform sleep?

[sazmon]

This is exactly what is happening to me. I’m not getting sleep in bed, but in other places aside from. Because sleep effort naturally seems to go away when I’m not in bed, at least for me, it could be different for other people.

[Lillian]

Sazmon, you can try this and see if it works for you. Wait until you feel sleepy enough to go to bed, then try doing something relaxing in bed such as reading a book until you’re ready for sleep. This might help get your mind of focusing on sleep.

[Martin Reed]

It sounds as though what might be happening here is that when you get into bed, your brain starts to do its job of looking out for you. So, it generates some thoughts related to needing to sleep. That’s natural and normal — your mind will always generate thoughts; some will be helpful some will not be helpful. Some will be important and some will not be important. Some will be accurate and some will not be accurate. Some will feel good and some won’t feel good.

We always get to choose how we respond to those thoughts. When they don’t feel good or we feel they’re not useful we can be tempted to try fighting or avoiding them — and when we do that, we can get tangled up in a struggle since we just cannot control what the mind does.

So, something that might be worth experimenting with is acknowledging these thoughts when they show up, naming them in some way, perhaps even thanking your brain for looking out for you, and then allowing them to exist. Making space for them and allowing them to come and go as they please.

While you’re doing this you might also allow yourself to remain in bed. If nighttime wakefulness feels really unpleasant, you might simply do something more pleasant instead — and, again, you might want to stay in bed when you do that, too.

I hope there’s something useful here!

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[sazmon]

Thanks for explaining Martin. You explained this so well, and with so much details. I really appreciate your support!

[Author]

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