I have had chronic insomnia increasing in severity for seven years. I go for days, weeks, a month even – sleeping only an hour or two a night. Literally. I only wish this was a case of sleep misperception, but sadly, it’s not.
I love all of these well-intentioned forums/articles that tell you about the importance of getting a good night’s sleep, like somehow I intentionally do this to myself. Yes, I’m fully aware of the health dangers of sleep deprivation.
My cortisol levels are through the roof, I am hateful and impatient, my brain won’t work, I cry frequently and am always in pain. My weight is out of control. I used to exercise everyday, now I am too damn tired to exercise. “Exercise 30 minutes each day” Believe me, I would love to, if only I could sleep enough to first maybe – I don’t know – drive a car?
Insomnia cause? Probably anxiety and excess cortisol – which never gets better because cortisol increases with lack of sleep.
I just want to be well and be productive. I want a life. Other people don’t understand insomnia. Yes, there was a time when I slept normally, without pills. I never asked to be an insomniac.
Pills do not work anymore, any of them. CBT, sleep restriction – worthless.
Keeping a job and keeping up with my studies – near impossible.
It makes me so hopeless and in despair. It’s like a terminal illness. I believe it actually will kill me if it doesn’t stop.
Sorry to be so bleak – I can’t cope with this.