[Karima87]

I am ready to surrender to my insomnia. Three years of almost no sleep—I’ve tried everything: 15 different medications, hospitalisations, countless attempts on my life, CBT-i for insomnia, supplements—anything and everything—and nothing has worked.

I feel so much hope when I read the stories on here, but I just can’t take it anymore. I’m trying to accept and function, but on 1–2 hours a night for three years, I am at breaking point. I haven’t had more than 6 hours a night, and I can count that on one hand.

I need to know if I can get over this because I have lost everything—my friends, my job, my house, my life, my memory—everything. I am back in hospital now because of sleep-induced psychosis. I just can’t feel sleepy or tired no matter what I do. I exercise every day, I don’t drink caffeine, I wear blue light glasses all day, I try to eat well.

I know you all understand, but I am at breaking point and I don’t know what to do. Sadly, I am homeless, and I don’t have the money to pay for the course, so I am doing the free one right now, but I really need some help. If anyone is willing to talk to me, I would be more than grateful.

I also have this severe ringing in my ears that’s so loud I can barely hear, which I believe to be a symptom of my insomnia, and my periods have stopped for almost a year now due to the stress on my body. I go multiple nights a week with no sleep whatsoever.

Please—any words of wisdom, I would happily take. And any advice. Thank you

[Chee2308]

Hi and welcome!

First of all, I am very sorry to hear about your current condition. But a few things to go over here:

1. If you have a medical condition, such as tinnitus, seeking medical attention is the most appropriate way to address it.
2. You may have a mental health condition in addition to your sleep struggles. In that, seeking professional advice is also the most appropriate. Unfortunately, nobody in this forum is able dispense advice regarding a medical issue such as tinnitus or a mental one like psychosis.
3. In regards to your sleeping problems, there is nothing much anyone else can do about it either. You should just follow a regular sleeping schedule and usually, physiologically that is all that is needed. The mental aspect is a bit more different, and harder, but the key is to lower stress and even accepting a bit of stress, which is crucial in making significant progress. Ultimately, you want to be in a position where you are convinced sleeping problems are not even real or physiological in a sense, because your body can sleep, under any circumstances. If your sleep was completely broken, there will be zero sleep all the time (and people will usually be dead within a few months of zero sleep and will not have endured years like you have) and certainly not sleeping 1-2 hours here and there. The stress of thinking you are not getting enough is preventing your body from achieving that normal, peaceful rest.

Saying “you surrender” is usually not enough, especially when you don’t really mean it. It actually means you are still struggling.

Admitting “defeat” from a recovery context, actually comes from a position of confidence and conviction (you just know that is the most effective way forward), and not from a position of weakness and fear. There’s the difference.

Good luck to you and I hope you overcome your struggles soon.

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