[znstandley13]

Alright, so back in 2020, one day I woke up real pale. This worried me and I thought perhaps I wasn’t breathing enough in my sleep (I don’t even know if that would be the cause of paleness in general, but my mind immediately went to this and I latched onto it). That day, I had this event in the back of my mind, and when I went to bed that night to sleep I found myself panicking awake while drifting off, thinking maybe I wouldn’t breathe enough while sleeping. The reason I was concerned with not breathing enough is because of a persistent cough I had, and some weird chest pains I experienced during the time. To add a little more context- months prior to this, there were a few infrequent nights of heart palpitations, fever, chills, etc. that kept me awake all night- it was some ailment that physically prevented me from sleeping- nothing mental. That’s when I learned the despair of not being able to get a good nights rest. Predictably, the “not breathing enough” insomnia rehashed memories of what it was like to not sleep at all. After that single silly night, I realized how stupid it was that I was afraid of not being able to breathe enough in my sleep, but I had a new problem- now I couldn’t fall asleep, because I was worried I wasn’t going to be able to. I would then start to lie awake at night, waiting to fall asleep and looking for signs that I was about to. Not being able to fall asleep as easily as I used to caused a lot of distress and panic. I felt like I needed something.

So I went to the doctor and told her about my insomnia. She prescribed me trazodone, and at first it worked like a charm. The problem was the side effects of the drug.. I read that it “prolonged QT,” which can cause a (rarely fatal) arrhythmia in some people. Of course, I experienced my heart skipping a beat some days, and the dizziness / hangover the trazodone gave me the day after interfered with my workouts (it’s hard to do squats when you feel like you could fall over so easily). So I started taking only 25mg of the stuff to go to bed after getting sick enough of the side effects, instead with smoking a little bit of weed 2 to 2 1/2 hours before my bed time. This worked amazingly for a month. I wasn’t worried about falling asleep at all- I got my 7 hours a night, and I hardly thought about insomnia during the day. As long as I took my pill and smoked a little weed, I was fine. It became laughable to me the idea of worrying about not being able to sleep whenever those sort of thoughts popped in my head. I had it figured out (or so I thought).

And then, the beginning of this year, one night I smoked a little bit too much weed, which caused me to be paranoid. I was having palpitations from the panic too much THC gave me. Another seed was implanted in my head that night- what if I can’t fall asleep again, but from heart palpitations this time? So the next day, to get my mind off of this I went and spent a night at my friends house. We drank a bunch of whisky- which of course, isn’t great for the heart either. I was quite hungover the next day, but I did end up sleeping that night. It was the night after that was quite terrible.

I went about everything normally. I took 25mg of trazodone 2 1/2 hours after smoking weed, except this time when I smoked, I had a full blown panic attack based on this elusive sensation I had in my chest. I thought something was wrong with my heart from the trazodone, and I thought maybe I did some damage from that crazy night of drinking. I remembered the worry I had about not being able to fall asleep because of heart palpitations two days before. I took the trazodone after all that panic, except that night, I was too fixated on my heart and palpitations to fall asleep. My heart was pounding all night, and I’m sure it was from anxiety and panic about my heart, not being able to sleep, and the real effects of trazodone. I noticed my heart started beating irregularly though- it would beat very fast right when tossing and turning after being still for awhile. I never felt it beat like this in my life, so I went to the ER. They did all these tests and told me my results were remarkable. They told me my heart was fine. A couple grand down the drain.

After all that, I knew I had to get off trazodone, and of course I had to stop smoking weed. I haven’t been able to get a good nights sleep since. I went back to the trazodone some nights out of desperation, and found that it now only worked half of the time. I won’t ever take it again though. I’ve taken gabapentin to help me sleep (300mg, only have taken it to sleep twice), and phenibut once a week (1.5g, it’s highly addictive so I avoid taking it. I took some last night, though). I get anywhere from 0-5 hours a sleep a night. I’m no longer worried about my heart while trying to sleep- now my problem is, I become aware that I’m about to fall asleep. I realize I’m entering a hypnagogic state based on the quality of thoughts and imaginations I’m having, then my awareness comes bursting through. Is this “sleep monitoring?” I can easily get to that hypnagogic state, probably within 10-15 minutes of laying in bed, but I become aware of everything and become alert realizing I’m about to fall asleep. The cycle continues all night until I pass out from exhaustion (I just wake up 1-5 hours later, surprised that I fell asleep in the first place).

I feel so foolish because of all of this. I’m stepping on my own feet, and I know I am, but it’s difficult not to. Does anyone here have any advice to help me not realize I’m about to fall asleep?

[Chee2308]

Hello! After reading your lengthy post, one thing comes to mind. Too much sleep monitoring going on inside your head. Because of all that monitoring, your mind is kept active and too wired to shut off. Stop monitoring when you are about to fall asleep, just allow it to happen. Getting into a hypnagogic state and getting hypnic jerks when falling asleep is very common and normal! It is your response to them that is the problem. Paying no attention to them and going to bed after being awake long enough, usually 16-18 hours, should get your sleep back on track. Good luck!

[Martin Reed]

It definitely sounds as though heightened arousal might be contributing to your sleep difficulties — and that’s not unusual since arousal is one of the three factors that perpetuate sleep disruption (the other two being low sleep drive and body clock disruption).

Have you asked your doctor about cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBT-I)? CBT-I techniques are a really helpful way to tackle the thoughts and behaviors that perpetuate sleep disruption and give insomnia the oxygen it needs to survive. Remove the oxygen, and you starve the insomnia.

—

If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.

The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

[znstandley13]

It’s weird because it feels like at some point in the night, I stop worrying about everything but I remain conscious and can’t fall asleep anyway until about 5am. That’s what it felt like last night. My sleep anxiety and sleep monitoring are the worst at the start; I’ll catch myself falling asleep, become more alert and get that bad feeling in my stomach simultaneously. At some point in the night it bothers me less, but I still can’t sleep. Is it possible that there’s this residual sub-conscious worry?

Thanks a lot for the content. I watched a podcast with you and this older woman, and what really impacted me the most was when she said she “just stopped caring” about her insomnia. She stopped worrying about it. I went on for about a week of caring much less about not being able to sleep (and had great sleep as a consequence) by introducing thoughts that I believed in, but then I remembered sleep monitoring one evening, and I started worrying about that specifically. I haven’t slept well for 2 days. Also, I think it’s important to mention that I also stopped taking melatonin 2 days ago- I don’t know which is contributing the most to my lack of sleep lately.

I was doing so well and feel sad about the past couple of days. If this keeps up, I will take your course or get coaching from you. I’ve had insomnia for 3 months or so now and I don’t want to make my sleeplessness a hard pattern to break.

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