[Robb]

Hi Colibri
Just checking in with you to see how your night was, I tossed a lot so was not as good as the night before, but it will be better tonight. I do think that maybe we give in too much to the not sleeping, I know that last night I was thinking oh it’s time to go to bed, I was tired but as soon as I hit the bed, I was so what awake. I should have gotten up then but instead I lay there trying to force it. Like you the anxiety about sleep kicks in, I can feel my heart pounding in my chest but not right now, so I know it’s about going to bed and if I will sleep. In regard to the Benzo, have to tried breaking one in half or a quarter, to see if that helps at all? I think what Chee is trying to say, is we need to stop feeding it, which I agree with but having not slept in a while, it’s easier said than done, and when you are on your 3rd or 4th day without sleep, ignoring it sounds way too easy. I was thinking about sleeping, hours before going to bed and that paved to way of not going to sleep well last night. Hope you got some sleep last night
Best wishes
Robb

[Chee2308]

Hi Colibri,

I was a graduate of Martin. Check under my handle, chee2308, because it says client.

I know exactly what I went through to know what exactly you are going through now. So I know what you are talking about in your long posts.

But anyways, my sleep problems have long gone and honestly, these problems aren’t mine anymore, so to speak, therefore I don’t really to need to respond at all and I have resisted doing this because I was waiting to see what others would say and also, to see what Martin’s reply is but I am not seeing anyone saying anything that’s truly helpful at all and I felt like I had to step in and tell you what you are doing incorrectly because I am trying to tell you what you need to do to get out of it.

Unfortunately, I can’t help anyone who refuse to accept honest advice. So I will stop responding if you can’t find my advice helpful. Good luck to you and I wish you well.

[Robb]

Hi Chee,
So how do we get out of our heads? If I am doing something wrong, which I take from your post, I am, what should I do? I have days of not sleeping at all, when I sleep, I crash because I have not slept. I, like a lot of others are just trying to find our way through this. I have been fighting this since June, and it’s really gotten very old.

Thanks
Robb

[Chee2308]

Hey Robb

Stop obsessing over sleep.
Stop protecting it.

Try not to talk about sleep all the time. Try to live mindfully. Most of the fears about lack of sleep haven’t really happened. Take for example, this chap talked about forgetting his kids’ names. So has he really forgotten them?? I have yet to meet anyone thinking xyz are going to happen if they don’t get a set amount of sleep and xyz happened. Crashing a car, dropping dead, or whatever. Those “what ifs” almost never happen. They invariably are always about the future. Well, you don’t live in the future yet. There’s only the now and you can’t change the past either. So try not to dwell on the past, focus on the present, acknowledge the future but keep bearing in mind, you can’t always control future outcomes either. You can’t really control anything, really, to be honest. Take it one step at a time. You are only human, so you cannot control each and everything.

Did you take benzos as a kid? What about sleeping pills? In fact did you worry about sleep as a baby, at all?? How come all of a sudden, they’re all needed now either? Has your body “forgotten” how to sleep? Challenge that notion. Because in a similar sense, can you really forget how to breathe? Or eat? Walk? Run? Pee? Why do your body or its organs need all this “reminding” now about how to sleep? And it needs pills to “jolt” its memory every single night? How absurd is that.

If I was back to the worst days of my insomnia here’s what I would do:

1. Set regular times for bed. Spend at least 6 hours in bed but not more than 8.
2. Then spend an hour or two after waking up to feel whatever. Fear, joy, anxiety, dread, guilt, regret or whatever. Acknowledge anything, nothing’s off limits. You can write them down if you want. When the time’s up, get on with your day. No more obsessing or talking about sleep. Focus on your chores or errands. Whenever you feel fear or dread, remind yourself that the time for sleep related thoughts has passed, so you need to wait until the next morning. Then refocus back on your tasks.

Rinse and repeat every single day, aka mindful living. Because there is a time for everything and everything is given a chance to express itself. Don’t push your negative notions about insomnia away either. Give them some space to express themselves until such time you are convinced that they’re no longer important or relevant in your life.

If you find yourself unable to doze off during your bedtime, just do what you did before your insomnia. Did you get up or just lay in bed? Then do exactly that. Always try to revert to your old self as much as possible as this is a good baseline to work on. You always want to get back to that state where the occasional insomnia isn’t given much thought or attention. Good luck.

[Robb]

Hi Chee,
Thank you for your reply, you are correct about obsessing over sleep, because that Is exactly what I am doing, as soon as I lay down, it’s heart pounding and I know it’s because I am thinking about sleep. I guess when I have nights and nights of not sleeping at all, it’s ingrained in my head. You are correct about all the stuff I do trying to get sleep to happen, the harder I try, the further I seem to push it away. You are right, I never even thought about sleep before, aside from where it was going to happen. Never took anything because I didn’t need to, so now I have this insane urge to fix it, looking up ways to fix sleep, which I see just feeds it. I get all these weird symptoms from not sleeping, then that is another rabbit hole I go down. I am sure once I start sleeping again, the others will take care of themselves. Just a little ruff trying to function without any sleep for a few days so I will have to do some resets and not keep going back to the sleep monster.
Again Thank you very much for your reply

Robb

[Coli85]

Chee

Yes, stop responding to me because you’re very aggressive, belittling, and insensitive. I also see on the froum, you’re like this with others as well. Yes, I need help, however, what I don’t need is to be attacked and put down during such a horrific time.

-Colibri

[Coli85]

Robb

My sleep schedule is completely wrecked as I stated in my first post, I can’t sleep at night. Nevertheless, trying to sleep when I’m able to is just a terrifying experience. But, I’m grateful for the bit of sleep I do get. Thank you so much for checking in with me, it means a lot. I’m happy that forums like this exists and that we can all support each other while dealing with sleep issues.

-Colibri

[Robb]

Hi Colibri,
I know what you mean, got a little last night, which makes today a little ruff, but I will move forward. I wanted to make sure you were doing ok, it can be very scary when you try to navigate this, and no one round are having the issue. Just wanted to check and make sure you are ok.

Robb

[Coli85]

Robb

Hey, I’ve been having microsleeps since about 4am, it’s now 11:16am (USA) it’s very frustrating not being able to sleep for one solid block of time. Mentally, I feel like I’m holding on by a thread but I know it’s going to get better. I just wish I knew of other ways to help myself, you know?. Again, thank you for checking on me and I’m sorry to hear that you did not get much sleep last night, hopefully, it will be better tonight.

-Colibri

[Robb]

Hi Colibri,
I am also in the USA (GA), I just got to stay focused and not let these sleepless nights get to me, which can be frustrating. I want a quick fix but it’s going to take getting some few good nights so I can clear my mind of being scared of sleep, which really sounds stupid when I type it out but when hit that bed, I am wide awake. I know we can do it, we slept before and we will do it again. We will sleep again and look back on this and go what were we thinking…..

All the best
Robb

[Coli85]

Robb

Yep, I want a quick fix as well. Unfortunately, it’s not a quick fix problem. Hang in there.

-Colibri

[Martin Reed]

Hello Colibri and welcome to the forum. Things are really difficult for you. And you have a number of superpowers including problem-solving, commitment, resilience, curiosity, and determination.

Your experience seems to be telling you that the more you try to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen, the more difficult it becomes.

Your experience also seems to be telling you that the more you try to fight, avoid, or control whatever thoughts and feelings show up (or might show up) the more difficult they become.

Of course, you want to get a certain amount or type of sleep. That’s totally understandable! So you try harder. That makes complete sense.

Of course, you don’t want to experience anxiety and panic attacks. Who does?! So you try harder to fight or avoid them. That makes complete sense, too.

And those strategies don’t seem to be moving you closer to where you want to be. The endless and exhausting struggle is pulling you away from the life you want to live. Your actions are also less likely to reflect who you are and who you want to be.

Your experience tells you that you can sleep. Your experience tells you that in the past, sleep happened without effort. Without trying.

What changes — if any — do you need to make to move closer to where you want to be?

—

If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.

The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

[Chee2308]

Hi Colibri

I feel quite sorry you are experiencing this very rough patch. I know how horrible it feels being so wired yet frightened all the time.

Let me make an analogy. How does hunger work? Well you go on long enough without food, you automatically will get hungry at some point. It is only a question of when not if.

Sleep works exactly like that. You can’t control when you get hungry, of course. In the same way, you can’t control when your body feel sleepy or when your body decides to wake up either. Of course, you can guesstimate over time but generally, the body does all the work for you. Your body will never reject a comfortable bed if it is really sleepy in the same way your body will never reject eating when it’s starving. Going to bed is analogous to putting food inside your mouth when you’re really hungry. Your body automatically knows what to do next.

You most likely didn’t get insomnia over night. It happened over time. Your thoughts about sleep simply evolved over time. What originally wasn’t a problem became one over repeated conditioning that poor sleep is bad, your body has totally lost its sleep ability, etc. But if that ability was lost, you would get zero sleep all the time, not an hour or two here and there or micro sleeps in between.

Because this is a mental conditioning issue, don’t expect to cure it overnight either. Nobody with insomnia “cured” themselves overnight or popped a magic pill and their sleep problems simply disappeared. But you can evolve to get better. And that’s how everyone here got better. Be patient. The key is desensitization. Slowly get desensitized to how sleep or your perceptions of it affect you.

Education is key. It makes all the difference on what path you should take to get better. But this can also be a lonely journey sometimes. Other people can’t do your journey for you. Ultimately, you need to do much of the heavy lifting yourself. Do it slowly over time and reduce your fears bit by bit. Try not to chase sleep or make it into some sort competition that you must win every time. There is no prize in being the best sleeper or punishment for the worst either.

Allow sleep to happen naturally. Go to bed and tell yourself that the main goal is to relax first. If you are not sleeping, then at least you are resting. Sleep then becomes a byproduct of that relaxation. Good luck and best wishes to you.

[Coli85]

Chee

I wrote a very detailed reply thanking you for your comment. However, for some reason the system did not post it. But I just wanted to thank you for reaching out again, and to tell you, that your recommendation to not chase sleep, I think, is a step in the right direction, although, like you said, it’s not going to happen overnight.

-Colibri

[Robb]

Hi Colibri,
Just checking in to see how you are doing, making a little progress on my side. A few nights of sleep can really make a difference, had one night that I was awake most of the night, but that goes back to trying to force it. Hope your doing well.

Robb

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