[Tired Ted]

Awwww Grogz . . . That is all you need after things have been going so well. I once lost a friend because of a message I sent in the heat of the moment and I now get everything off my chest and saved to a Word document which I save over night and read the next morning in the cold light of say before pressing send ! I tend to find that I dont feel so bad the following day and I usually delete the hurtful things as I don't generally mean them, or more to the point let people I care about know I have thought them.

I do have to say however that I don't regret losing the friend I lost but I do regret the way it happened. I had always been a good friend to her and listened to her woes with work and when married men that let her down but when one of the married men started a proper relationship with her she was never there for me. I once really needed to talk to a friend who knew how problematic office problems / politics can be ( Mr M doesn't understand them as he works outside ) and she wasn't there for me . . . I sent a text on a Monday to say how low I was because of problems at work and she asked if I was in for a chat on Saturday ( when her new man was out ! ) !!!! I started to pull away from this point as I had always made time to talk to her when she needed a friend, even though I had Mr M and he regularly encouraged her to come to our house and would leave us alone for a confident chat and then come and try to cheer her up. When Mr M was in hospital our mutual friend told her that he was really ill and it didn't look like he would make it and she thanked our friend for letting her know but said she wouldn't be getting in touch. I wasn't bothered about her not contacting me but I will never forget her not being interested enough to know how Mr M was, especially as he had always been so welcoming when she needed a friend . . . I didn't expect to renew our friendship but I do think she could have sent a quick text or email to wish him well as he had been so ill. I don't like falling out with people as life is too short but I really do believe that people come into your life for a season, a reason or for life and I was obviously a ” reason ” to help her get through all her years of being single and I would look the other way if I see her now . . . Can't see me being able to do that as I was dragged up proper . . . but that is all she deserves !! Our mutual friend doesn't see her now either as she always keeps cancelling arrangements they make to meet, or she was tooooo busy to meet her . . . Never seen such a case of someone dropping all of their friends when they get a man but good luck to her.

Wow . . . I thought I had got over this but clearly not !!!!!! Why don't you send another message to you friend saying you were tired and didn't mean what you had put . . . You don't have to say sorry . . . I learnt years ago to say ” I apologise ” instead of I am sorry and inside you are really saying ” I don't give a t*ss ” but it is perceived as I am sorry and makes the other person think you feel sorry !!! Here is another positive of insomnia . . . . You can use it as a make up tool when things go wrong !!!!

I slept from c 7.15 pm until just after midnight last night ( needed a toilet break ) . . . I couldn't keep my eyes open so I got the quilt and laid on the sofa as I was too tired to wake up but didn't feel that I could go to the big bye bo's and wake Mr M up as I wasn't sure I was going to be able to sleep. I woke up at 3.30 am . . . Seems really odd to do this now and be back On Insomnia Land but here I am . . . I am going to get some more wool today so I can have another project in hand for the early hours . . . Better to be prepared than frustrated early doors as we know first hand . . . Don't know why I am worrying about it as I have had more than enough sleep in the bank.

Oh well I will close now as I lost the start of my first message when I picked my iPad back up after going to the loo and don't want to lose it again before pressing post !!!

Try not to be too angry about the spat with your friend and keep thinking abouty your good news tomorrow. Your friend could be having a bad time herself and didn't mean to write what she did in the cold light of day . . . Someone has to make the first move to put it right and the longer it takes, the more chance you have of your fiendship paying the price and life is too short to lose friends . . . Well good ones anyway !!!

Tired Teddy who is good a giving advice but not necessarily good at taking her own advice !!!!!

[groggy]

Hey all,

Wow, Teds, thank you for that beautiful post. I hope I didn't wake you up at night via thought transmission, haha 😆

I love the saying that people come into your life for a season, a reason or life. Gorgeous. Truly wonderful.

That makes it so much easier, doesn't it. To work out who (probably) belongs in which category – cos else you get yourself all muddled and upset.

I did quite well last night, insomnia-wise. I realised that I needed to find ways to “shift down” my gears, one at a time – and I think having the adrenaline from a spat in your bloodstream must be a pretty high gear! So I made myself some herbal tea, had some bread with yummy honey on it and watched some silly TV.

I ended up falling asleep later than I would have preferred, but other than that it was all fine.

Ach, I hate fighting with friends too. It seems so childish. But I guess sometimes emotions run hot and then you gotta squabble.

About 5 years ago, I started “sorting out” old friendships… Some major, deep changes had taken place in my life and it made me review the people I was keeping in touch with – friends that were really more acquaintances, because they didn't really share deeply in my life.

Anyway, so I “phased out” all friendships that no longer had anything to do with deep/ honest/ vibrant connection. You know all those people who call you up and say “Oh, we must have a coffee together!” and then just talk about chit chat.

I know there's nothing per se wrong with friends and acquaintances like that, but for me it had started to grate badly for some years now, but I'd never had the guts to just draw a line and call it quits.

Well, after those big changes in my life, I just ended up not giving most people my new address/ phone number and so those friendships started petering out.

At the time I felt very guilty and under a lot of pressure. Some acquaintances managed to get in touch anyway (via email etc) and I had to steadfastly ignore their mails for 6 – 12 months, to “shake them off”…

But, since then, it's grown into one of the best decisions I've ever made. It has been so rewarding, to have the people who are “right” for me in my life, and to have all the rest not be part of my daily world. It's made immense changes for the better.

So now, I don't have any “nice” people tagging along in my life, wanting to have coffees.

I have interesting, challenging, vivid, intense friendships. Which is great.

However – these are also much more prone to disputes, challenges, ups and downs, turbulence.

Suddenly I feel like all them “nice boring people” I used to know are so NORMAL and my new set of friends are loopy nutcases with some serious issues…. 😮

Which I guess, in a way, most of us are… Life doesn't treat many of us particularly gently and so we're all left with scars a plenty…

And if we open up to people, they inevitably see us at our worst (on our bad days) and think: “Holy §%&#, do I wanna know this?!”

So while I'm in theory happy with the choice I've made, events like yesterday's spat (this time induced by her being a nutcase – but obviously it could just as easily happen to me, that I start a fight in an unfortunate way…) make me think longingly back to all my boring zombie friends who were busy “fitting in” and “being normal”.

Where's all the normal people in my life gone, ey?!?!?!?!? 😕

Well, we will see where this goes. I will keep you posted, Teddy.

The good thing is that this friend (whom I admire) and I are both strong, bitchy gals with a huge attitude who fight for their loves and interests in life and are feminists and have opinions and aren't afraid to open their mouths and are deep, artistic, crazy young-ish ladies with a lust for life – so us fighting is a good match and there's gonna be sparks flying…. haha…. So that's so much better, really, than some prissy fight with a boring friend about nothing of significance…

Ach, does life have to be so complicated?!

XXX Groggy…

P.S. Where's everyone gone again? We need to invite some newcomers again, I think…

Monkey, how you sleeping, gal??

[groggy]

[M0NK3Y]

Hey

I wrote a huge post the other morning hit reply and it never posted and I had to get to work so I never got the chance to rewrite it.

The new job is at a local coffee shop, not the best job but they can give me the hours I need and I start school in the fall and they will work with my schedule.

I have been sleeping not had although last night was not a good night… Just up and down.

That is very good advice teddy I follow that as well, it takes me a while to talk or say something to someone when I am mad because I have to work through it first, make sure it's valid and then think about what I need to say. I am notorious for saying things and not meaning what I said ten trying to pack peddle and reword it or not saying all of why I mean. I hope all works out with you and your friend groggy 🙂

Well time for me to get to work, talk later.

Have a good night/day!

Sleepy Monkey

[M0NK3Y]

Oh I am also finding Martins emails very insightful and they are really helping with the frustration. He has some really good ideas, and I find covering up the clocks works better. Before I would watch them and tos and turn and always check now I just think oh well can't see them and I think I fall back asleep sooner.

Forgot to add that in.

Sleepy Monkey

[Tired Ted]

Great to have you back with us Monkzzz ( you have been promoted to a sleep friendly name, now you are getting some ZZZZ's ! ) and it is great to hear that Martins emails are doing as much for you as they did for us . . . Dread to think how red and baggy my eyes would be now ( never mind how grumpy I would be ) had Martins emails not saved the day and weaned me off insomnia. I am awake in the wee small hours but my eyes are bobbing and I have had 7 hours sleep on the sofa already !

Good to hear the job is going well and they are being flexible when you start college . . . What will you be doing in the fall ?

What a flipping good idea getting rid of the let's do coffee brigade Grogzzz . . . Who needs 'em. I have kept to a close circle of ” real ” friends for years and they have been there for me . . . and I for them and it has worked really well. I see a close friend at work every day for coffee first thing and we walk ( and talk ! ) every lunchtime but we don't tend to see each other outside of work as we both have other friends for that but we do go out for meals to celebrate birthdays / Christmas and my wedding of course ! I have recently caught up with 3 friends I haven't seen for years through Facebook and am really looking forward to meeting up with them soon. I am having a girlie hen lunch with one and her granddaughter in a few weeks, another I am meeting after our big day as I can't possibly fit another meal in before or I will need even more spooning in my dress ! The third one is someone my friend with the granddaughter and I used to work with in a pub over 20 years ago and she moved far away from our area 17 years ago so we are all going to meet up somewhere in the middle. The good thing about these friends ( as with a lot of the ones I have had over the years ) is that we may not see each other for years but it is just the same when we do . . . Nobody complains that the other didn't get in touch, we just enjoy each others company as and when life allows and this works perfectly as you are not always having to do something you don't want to do to keep your friendship going.

I am pleased you can still see positive qualities in your bust up buddy and why you are friends and I hope it isn't too long before you are back on the friendship path. I tend to have quieter friends than myself . . . Think someone as loud as me would probably kill me if we were friends . . . Unless I killed her first of course !!!!! Oh and I wouldn't be able to talk about ME, ME, ME so much with a loud buddy and that would never do !!!

Making this one short and sweet as I don't want to miss the sleep moment as I so often do when posting away early doors . . . Think I will do a bit of Solfeggio 639 as I haven't done it for weeks . . . Note to self . . . Remember how things get better all on their own, once you start to look at them from a different / more positive view point.

Hope you are both in the land of nod, or a relaxed and happy place.

Tired Ted . . . . Soon to be Tedzzzzzzzzz x

PS . . . . Can't wait for your good news today Grogzzz

[Tired Ted]

Just seen how long my post was . . . So much for short and sweet !

[lily]

I want 2013 to be the year I beat insomnia!

[rusty rake]

Ask me again the year I retire!

[Author]

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