[Hhunter]

My insomnia started in college. It happened a couple of times and then it spiraled, as I began panicking and obsessing about sleep. I have insomnia on and off but working full time and having kids makes it difficult. My problem is sleep onset insomnia. Once I’m asleep I usually don’t have any problems staying asleep. I know it’s psychological for me. If I don’t think about sleep, I don’t have a problem sleeping. However, it’s hard to change thought processes after 10 years of struggling. If I can’t fall asleep right away, my heart races and I start panicking, usually preventing me from getting to sleep at all. I know the right things to do (sleep restrictions, getting out of bed, etc) but I can’t seem to get myself to follow them.

[Scott]

Hey Hhunter!

Welcome to the forum! You make a good point – when we don’t think about sleep, we typically don’t have any issues sleeping at night. Once we experience a disruption in our sleep, we tend to become more anxious about how we’ll sleep the next night and that can perpetuate the issue, as you mentioned. It sounds like you have a solid understanding of the evidence-based techniques so why do you believe it’s difficult for you to explore those further and implement them when you have a difficult night?

Scott J

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If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.

The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

[Hhunter]

I’m not quite sure. I think I always convince myself that by staying in bed I will somehow relax enough to fall asleep, even though it rarely happens. I’ve started getting up and going downstairs to read for 20-30 min and then retrying but this hasn’t helped. I haven’t tried repeatedly doing that, which I believe is suggested. I just have a hard time shutting my brain down at night and stopping the toxic thoughts when they start.

[Scott]

Hhunter,

If you’re lying in bed and it feels good and you’re not aroused by being awake, then it’s ok to remain in bed. When you become agitated, anxious and highly aroused by the thought of not being able to sleep, it’s recommended that you get out of bed and do something more relaxing/enjoyable. Our brains can create a conditioned arousal associating your bed with poor sleep. Instead of watching the clock when you get out of bed, what if you only returned to bed when you’re sleepy (yawning, dozing off, heavy eyes, etc), whether that’s 10 mins, 20 mins or 45 mins? Sometimes, if we watch the clock we tend to put added pressure for us to sleep and that can cause additional anxiety about sleep.

Hope that helps,
Scott J

—

If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.

The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

[Chee2308]

Hi Hhunter!
I can understand your situation and been through it on my recovery journey. What helped is being friends with wakefulness. There is no threat with being awake at night, you have simply conditioned your mind to perceive it as so. Read “The Sleep Book” by Dr Guy Meadows, in it he outlines a few methods on how to address sleep anxiety provoking thoughts. Basically, accept it and don’t fight it. When you no longer fear X, X has no control over you. Reward yourself by having something you really enjoy if you find yourself struggling to sleep. It may be ice-cream, chocolate or whatever. Show your mind it is okay to be awake. If you enjoy a challenge, even try daring your body to give you a difficult night! Show it you are not afraid because there is nothing to be afraid of, in all honesty. Be kind to yourself and practise self compassion. Imagine your kid telling you he’s afraid of monsters in the closet, what would you say to him because you know there’s nothing there! It is the exact same thing here, there’s nothing to be afraid of, it’s just sleep. In fact, studies have shown insomnia has no long term effects on your health or longevity. Enjoy your life the best you can and put sleep lower down the priority list. This tends to be a major problem with insomniacs. They try to spend lots of time in bed (sometimes 10-12 hours), basically almost half their lives being in bed and then even after all that, spend whatever hours being awake constantly worrying and obessesing about sleep. Have you realised how ridiculous this has become? Is that the way you want to live for the rest of your life? What a horrible way to live, you have let insomnia control you and your life. Tell yourself enough is enough! You will not put up with this nonsense any longer! You are a strong person, you must be because you are a parent and must have overcome even more difficult challenges. It is no different with this one. You can do this. Spend less time in bed, if sleep onset insomnia is an issue. Go to bed after being awake 18 hours continuously when your sleep drive is strong. Most people can fall asleep pretty fast after being up this long. Then when you’re comfortable, adjust that to 17, 16 hours. Find what works for you. Good luck!

[Martin Reed]

Some good stuff in this discussion! All I would add is it might be worth exploring the thoughts that seem to generate the anxiety you described since the thoughts we have that generate anxiety are rarely as accurate as they first seem.

If you don’t fall asleep right away and you feel your heart racing, what is going through your mind? What is it about the idea of not being able to fall asleep that seems to generate that anxiety?

—

If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.

The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

[Hhunter]

You all provide such good insight. I absolutely know my thinking is irrational, which is the most frustrating part. If I don’t fall asleep quickly, my thoughts immediately go to “oh no, I can’t sleep. I’ll be up all night and feel absolutely miserable. It will ruin the joy of tomorrow because I’ll be irritable, etc. And what if I have to call in sick to work because I feel so terrible?” I know these thoughts need to chang and I need to practice rephrasing them,but getting myself to believe them is the problem. I absolutely hate the way I feel when I don’t sleep, so I try too hard to actually sleep, which results in the opposite effect. If I have anything going on the next day, whether it be fun, work related, or something else I find myself having the thought, for example: ‘if I don’t sleep, I won’t enjoy it, be successful etc. Toxic thoughts, I know. It’s just been so many years of these that it’s hard to rewire my thought processes. I appreciate all of your input!

[Martin Reed]

Would you believe me if I suggested that you’d probably have a great day even after being up all night if you ended up winning the lottery jackpot that day?

If so, might this serve as evidence that what happens during the day (or what you do during the day) might have more of an effect on how you feel during the day than how you slept the previous night(s)?

It can take time to “rewire” our default thinking processes. Sometimes we have to “fake it until we make it”. If we don’t think we can have a good day after a difficult night of sleep, we might make ourselves have a good day by deliberately doing things we enjoy after a difficult night of sleep.

If we repeatedly prove to ourselves that we might have more control over the quality of our days than how we sleep, we might start to worry a bit less about sleep — and when we worry less about sleep, sleep often becomes a bit easier!

It can also be helpful to repeatedly remind ourselves of all the positive, productive, enjoyable (or even just OK) moments we have experienced during the day after difficult nights — because the brain won’t pay much attention to them unless we make it do just that!

I hope this helps!

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If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.

The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

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