[ams5174]

I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for the last 10 years (3 kids who are now 11, 8, and 6.) In 2025 I re-entered the workforce, typically working one 12-hour shift/wk in the medical field. I’ve always been a great sleeper, but for the first time in my life began suffering from sleep issues on the nights before I worked. Sometimes I would only sleep 2 hours before needing to go into work, and that was taking Benadryl or Zzquil, which btw didn’t really do much but sometimes would kick me into sleep… at 3am. Talk about bad timing. I trudged through for months and it didn’t raise a huge red flag for me (even though it was awful) because I knew I would sleep good on the other nights and catch up. Well, recently I’ve picked up 2 more days each week of work. I’m finding performing multiple days with bad sleep is taking a toll on me. I found your podcasts which have been so amazing to listen to, and also subscribed to your emails. I do all the usual sleep hygiene things, and even have seen my PCP for 2 different sleep medicines which are not at all for me. I find on the nights before I work, my thoughts race and my mind won’t shut off, even though I am physically tired. I work in 2 days which means I have one more night without stress. I’m already starting to stew on the upcoming 3 nights of sleep before work this week. I have learned from your podcasts so far that I need to take the pressure off myself, and if I don’t sleep, I will manage the day like I have in the past. I do put a LOT of pressure on both myself and my family on the nights before I work. My husband will even go sleep in the other room, the kids know not to bother me if possible (how sad), and I get in bed with plenty of time to spare, only to lay there for hours and hours. I’ve got my melatonin, magnesium spray, white noise, cool room and weighted blanket. I know I need to take the pressure off and accept fate with whatever happens and maybe almost…dare I say… plan to not sleep. ? I just wanted to post my story to see if someone can relate. I am listening to Rebecca’s podcast now, who I can resonate with (medical field), but honestly, I’ve resonated with every single one I’ve listened to so far. I’m so gald I found you.

[ams5174]

I had my last regular night before I start my 3 nights of “before work” sleep. It should have been a great night but I apparently have already started to stress about not sleeping and so last night I didn’t sleep much. 4 hours 44 mins (Fitbit says) of broken sleep. “Poor” sleep score. I actually don’t feel too bad so far though. Usually I would take Benadryl at 1 or even 2 am in a panic, but I’m not doing that anymore. So I think today I won’t be as tired as usual because I don’t have that lingering in my system. I got out of bed after awhile, just left like I needed to, and listened to your podcasts. I got through 3 of them. I really just tried to say it doesn’t matter if I sleep. I had a ton of exercise yesterday and I fell asleep watching tv with my husband at 10pm, so I was very tired but I didn’t stay asleep and then like I said didn’t sleep a good chunk of the night. Just sharing here if anything for my records.

[Chee2308]

Hello and welcome.

I think you are paying too much attention on sleep, at least for now, but that is likely to change as you progress which it invariably does as you begin sleeping better.

So what I think people here are really curious about and which you almost completely left out is the back to work part. Are you enjoying it so far? Is it worth going back to work, knowing what you know now?

Everyone would be more interested to hear about the work you do. Tons of dramas and sitcoms have been made of people going about their everyday lives, and almost nothing will be about their sleep 😆. Simply because sleep has next to nothing to talk about. It simply is what it is.

[ams5174]

Thank you for your response! I’m sure you are entirely right. Too much pressure on myself to sleep good. I’m in my head WAY too much.
I’m an X-ray tech. And yes I do love it! I love my job and my coworkers. This whole sleep thing began on the night before I started this job, like I said after 10 years of being home with my kids. I was nervous about the uncertainty about the people, could I do the job after so much time off, etc. Now most if not all of those fears are gone. But I truly think I’ve conditioned my body to, on the nights before I work, not sleep well. Truly. It’s like my body expects it is going to happen, and so it does. Last night was a work night and I slept for 4 hours. The only thing I took was a 3mg melatonin. I don’t think that is great by any means, but I am happy that I was able to sleep on my own as I’ve tried medicine and I don’t want to rely on that, plus it really just makes me more anxious. I have tonight also as a work night so I have 1 more chance to improve and then I have a few days off while hopefully I can sleep stress free. I keep telling myself that even if I don’t sleep at all, I will somehow manage. Just trying to take the pressure off myself. I am continuing to listen to the Insomnia Coach Podcast and receiving the emails.

[sleep]

I think we can tell ourself stuff and actually believe it. I know when I got insomnia I told myself if I could not sleep I was going to have a stroke, heart attack, die. I worried about sleeping and then I didnt sleep. When Martin Reed said I will sleep eventually. My sleep drive would catch up and I would sleep. I think when we just go on with life and quit all that worrying we do fine. I know I have slept good for the past year thank goodness. I thought I would never sleep again after a 2 year struggle, taking benadryl. I dont take it now. I just got myself into a tizzy worrying when there was no need. I picked my hours to sleep 12-7 and that is about it.

[Chee2308]

Great to hear you love your job! It gives meaning to your life, and I’m sure it gives even more meaning to those people around you, such as your co-workers and the patients you come in contact with. And I think that’s all you need to know, that you’re happy with what you’re doing, even if it means sleeping a bit less than you would like.

There will come a time when that eventual fate beckons, the forever sleep. Everyone will get unlimited sleep, so why miss it so much now? Insomnia is like a teacher, it is trying to teach you something if you really try to listen. To me, it means, don’t spend so much time in bed, because this life has so much more to offer, so go out and make the most out of it. Time is of essence. Then eventually at my death bed, how would I remember my life? How badly I seem to sleep all the time and the endless complaints about them 😆 or how much I have enjoyed living? Of course, it’s going to be latter.

I’m not saying sleep and rest are important, because they are but when you have allowed the space and time and still isn’t happening, then I think you should let it go and spend that time doing something else, ideally things you really enjoy and find meaningful.

The key to happiness in life is to stop gripping it so tightly sometimes. Learn to let go at times and let life unfold on its own terms. Only then are you truly enjoying life as it’s meant to be. Best wishes.

[ams5174]

Thank you for your responses! 😊
I’ve slept amazing, having several days off work again.
The true test will be in a couple nights from now, when I work the next day. I am still listening to the podcasts, trying to take in as much helpful info as possible, and getting/working the emails.
I’ve printed out some adult coloring pages 😆, got my crochet stuff handy, a book, a tv show, etc, all at the ready for relaxation in case my body decides it doesn’t want to sleep. I will try those things and try not to force anything.

[Chee2308]

Sleeping isn’t a test 😂. It is more like resting, in a quiet place and laying still. Sleeping becomes a byproduct of that resting. Going to bed shouldn’t feel like entering an exam hall 😂. It should be like going on a holiday, where you put behind your worries of the day and that includes your worries about sleeping too. You get comfy snuggling in between the sheets, being thankful that you still have a roof over your head, in your own safe house and in a neighborhood where you should feel safe and protected and not having to hear gunshots or people yelling next door or cars racing down the freeway, these are things to be thankful for. Then you just close your eyes and let your body take over. That’s sleeping. Not, oh can I sleep tonite, I have to do xyz tomorrow and I need to get X amount of sleep, etc etc etc… that’s not sleeping, that’s pressure. And pressure kills sleep drive.

On the other hand, if you are going on a holiday, you don’t care what happens at work tomorrow or next week. You are supposed to feel super relaxed and carefree and no pressure at all. That’s what sleeping should feel like. Best wishes.

[ams5174]

I guess test wasn’t the best word! Haha
But last night was the first night in awhile that was “the night before work”. It was an ok night. I slept about 4.5 hours of broken sleep, but I say it was an ok night because I mostly didn’t panic. I just tried to tell myself, it is what it is, and we are just resting. We will get through the next day, as we have before. Also, I didn’t take Benadryl, or Zzquil, like I sometimes would in an effort to make sleep happen. So although I wish I had gotten more sleep last night, I at least don’t have a medication lingering in me that causes next day grogginess. So even though my sleep before work hasn’t turned around, at least my mindframe is changing regarding it.

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