[TC]

Hi there,
Just wondering if sharing my thoughts would help me to feel less anxious about my sleeping situation.

I started to have sleeping issues two years ago after a short period of stress and health worries. Had two babies in 2017 and 2019 and I have slept very very little over those years.

I am the kind of a worrier person and 2021 started with lots of stress and worries.
Had One bad night , 2 bad nights 3,4,5,6 and I found myself awake for 9 nights and day in a row. It was the worst time of our lives. I couldn’t work, couldn’t look after my children, couldn’t talk, couldn’t think…didn’t want to eat…I was just a complete mess. Hopeless.sorry for saying this but I had lots of suicidal thoughts at the time.

We are a foreign family in the uk so my husband and I are really a team. If one of us gets sick we are in real trouble. This was something so unexpected that we did not know what to do.

I rely on my GP buy we did not understand each other very well as she thought I wasn’t to bad but just a bit of stress.
I was Diagnosed with anxiety and depression and I was put on ISSR and a short course of benzodiazepines (which made me sleep few nights). that made me feel better but when I finish the course I was extremely anxious about not having them and situation got really bad.

I did enroll CBTi and after months of therapy my sleep gradually improved.

Sleep was never the same as it was before having my children but 5h it’s ok for me now.
If I sleep 5 hours I am honestly a very happy person.

After a year on antidepressants I stopped them because I was feeling fine and although my sleep wasn’t great each night I was a functional person.

4 weeks ago I had trouble sleeping again. Got scared and analysing everything why I was sleeping badly again!
No major changes in out lives.
my worst nightmare came back.
Few Sleepless nights and I feel miserable again thinking I won’t be able to work if I do not get sleep soon.
I am trying to put in practice all over again but I acknowledge my sleep anxiety is up to the roof in the evening.
I am ok during the day but by the time I put my children to sleep and I start to think I won’t fall asleep today I just want to cry. I feel very lonely and hopeless.
If I haven’t enrolled Martin’s course is because of some
Financial issues but I do hope to do it in the future.
Reading other experiences here is helping me a lot and Martin’s videos are so so reassuring!
I do practice meditation and I eat very healthy. Have support from my husband and I have got 2 healthy children.
This is what I try to think in the
Morning to keep me going when I have no hopes.
At the moment the more difficult thing is to get rid of those ruminating thoughts about being unable to sleep.
If I go out of bed to do something pleasant like reading or listening to a story my mind always goes back to the negative thoughts.
My heart is fine but at night is pounding like a clockwork. Thanks to Martin I know now I suffer those horrible jerks.
Does anyone know a good
Meditation that helps with intrusive thoughts?

Every time my bed hits the pillow when I do feel sleepy I can only think of falling asleep and that instantly wakes me up.
The reason I want to do this course is because I think insomnia is not going anywhere so I need all the skills to deal with it in the long term.
Sorry about such a long post!

[Martin Reed]

That sounds really difficult. Thank you for sharing.

It sounds as though you are putting quite a lot of pressure on yourself to make sleep happen and perhaps to control what you think and how you feel, too.

This makes sense since you want to sleep and you don’t want to experience difficult thoughts and feelings because they don’t feel good and they feel like a barrier to sleep happening, right?

Does your own experience tell you that putting more effort into sleep makes sleep more likely to happen? Does effort to sleep and effort to get rid of wakefulness make sleep happen upon command and permanently get rid of wakefulness upon command?

Does your own experience tell you that it’s possible to permanently delete difficult thoughts and feelings from your mind so they never come back ever again?

If your answer to these questions is no, perhaps that might suggest that sleep and the thoughts and feelings your mind generates as it does its job of looking out for you is something that’s out of your control?

And, if so, perhaps trying to control what cannot be controlled might be setting you up for a bit of a struggle — a struggle that can make all of this difficult stuff even more difficult?

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The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

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