[Black_Tea]

In 2018 I made the fatal mistake of trying to get off my Lexapro. I was doing fine until about six months into my taper, when the anxiety, insomnia, nausea, loss of appetite, and all those terrible symptoms suddenly hit me. I went back up on the meds, but kept relapsing anyway and only stabilized when my psychiatrist added Buspar for anxiety a few months later.

Right now, the insomnia flares up periodically and every time I can’t sleep, I remember that horrible time and feel all panicky. The meds keep me mostly stable, but I have no idea how to get over this trauma. I have catastrophic thoughts (this is the beginning of chronic insomnia, I’m going to feel like this forever, I’d rather die than be awake right now, I’m going to get suicidal from not sleeping) and I spend all day worrying about how I’ll sleep that night. I’ve struggled with anxiety all my life and I can get through all the other symptoms except for insomnia.

[Martin Reed]

Things sound very difficult for you, Black_Tea. Thank you for sharing and welcome to the forum.

I think one way we can get really tangled up when it comes to anxiety is that, because it doesn’t feel good and we don’t want to experience it, we end up trying really hard to fight it or avoid it.

Unfortunately, anxiety is something that doesn’t respond well to our efforts to get rid of it (and, for a long as we are human beings, we will experience anxiety). The more we try, the more powerful that anxiety can feel — and the more influential it might be over our lives (and our sleep).

I wonder if a more workable approach might involve acknowledging the presence of difficult thoughts and feelings like anxiety and worry, being kind to yourself, and gently redirecting your attention and focus onto coming back into your body, coming back to the present, and engaging in activities that are important and/or meaningful to you — even in the presence of all that really difficult stuff?

The battle with anxiety is exhausting, distracting, and unpleasant. Perhaps just as (if not more) unpleasant than the anxiety itself. What might it feel like to withdraw from that battle?

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