[sleepykieran]

I’ve been fighting insomnia for nearly 3 years now. Last year I beat it and was sleeping well for 5 months. It’s been back and I’ve been trying sleep restriction, although I’ve found my insomnia has worsened considerably in these first 10 days of the practice – up to now I could always fall asleep without a problem – it was waking up and not being able to get back to sleep that was the issue. During the sleep restriction I have also not been able to get to sleep, which has been very scary. Last night it came to a head when I broken down after not being able to fall asleep, despite being completely exhausted. I took a pill and slept past my sleep window. I’m scared that I’ve set a new standard at that my previously sacred ability to get to sleep has been shattered.
Maybe sleep restriction isn’t right for me and I should go back to what worked for me last year (stimulus control + meditation / affirmations)? I did try this again last year after relapse but it didn’t work then, probably because work was stressful at the time.

[whitelori]

sleepykieran – My experience with sleep restriction has left me frustrated. Sleep onset is my biggest problem. I have tried the ACT method of acceptance and relaxation, and I still lay there all night with no drowsy feeling. As far as the restriction, when I miraculously fall into a deep sleep and then am awakened by an alarm, I get very upset. It feels so wrong and then even more wrong when I go all day thinking my sleep drive will be strong, and it isn’t and I don’t fall asleep any faster or easier. So I guess I don’t have confidence in sleep restriction, but I do think stimulus control or getting out of bed is the better thing to do. I have found myself doze a bit if I get up and then go back to bed as opposed to laying there all night. I think you should go back maybe to what worked for you before? Did you find sleep restriction was not right back then either? You can always bring it back in?

[sleepykieran]

Hi @whitelori, thanks for your reply
When it worked last year, there were a number of factors. I had just started, for the first time in my life, going to the gym every morning (30 mins on the x-trainer), I’d started to meditate and do stimulus control (so get out of bed and meditate for 30 mins if I hadn’t slept for around 20 mins). But most importantly, I had just realised that insomnia was ‘all in my head’ so to speak, and had nothing to do with passionflower tea, herbal baths, or any other nonsense. This realisation was a bit of a lightbulb moment, and I suddenly had confidence that I would regain my ‘sleep power’. I was calm and relaxed and simply got on with it. I honestly wouldn’t have remembered how long it took to get back to normal (I had thought it was only a week) but I kept a sleep diary and when I checked it took 4 weeks in total, with the first week having a 5 nights of SC, the second 2, and the 3rd and 4th just one.
When I had a bit of a meltdown before writing the previous post, my wife told me to stop being so strict and just relax and sleep when I can (she doesn’t approve of sleep restriction, nor does she know a thing about insomnia 😀 ) . She had a point – the stress around sleep restriction was making it worse. So for the last few nights I’ve been far more relaxed, and have slept better – I can fall asleep easily just like I’ve always been able to do, and I have had fewer stops in the night, and on one occasion have been woken by my 5 o’clock alarm (I’ve decided to keep that wake up time coz I kinda like having that extra time in the morning – I’m in the gym by 6).
One key sentence stood out in your reply “… I get very upset”. The stress that being upset causes will be more likely to keep you awake. I’m starting to realise that it’s mainly our relationship with sleep that is the problem, it’s a very curious catch 22 situation where if we weren’t stressed we’d sleep better, but then if we could sleep better we wouldn’t be stressed.
One more point I’ve realised recently; my expectations of sleep have been wonky as i’ve aged – as we get older we need less sleep, yet for a long time I was pressuring myself to get the same amount of sleep I got when I was 10 years younger. It’s just not realistic, and probably a key reason why insomnia tends to affect proportionally more older people.

[whitelori]

sleepykieran-Thank you for taking the time to write! All of what you said makes sense and I agree, that is it the relationship we have with sleep that is the key to overcoming the problem. It it is just that many times, letting go, relaxing, accepting, etc., does not help, and I think that is where the frustration comes in. I have always exercised, and I do think that is a very important part of sleep health. It IS very hard to keep the stress at bay when there are many, many, nights of struggle, and as you said, it turns into a vicious cycle. Last night, I practiced more acceptance and did fall asleep for most of the night. But it doesn’t always happen so I think I am going to just do what I feel I need to at the time whether that be to get up or just lay there an relax. I know your wife doesn’t know about insomnia, but she has a point. My husband is also a very good sleeper, so he would offer the same advice. He is in favor of getting up if needed though and thinks laying in bed is worse. He also favors maintaining some sort of schedule. Not necessarily restriction, but just a fairly regular sleep/wake time. That is what he has done his whole life and he sleeps like a baby without fail 99.99% of the time. I’m glad you are doing better and I hope I will too. I wrote with hopes to help you! But you have helped me in return. Thanks and I’m glad you are back to being relaxed and doing better.

[Martin Reed]

The goal of sleep restriction is to build sleep drive and reduce the amount of time spent awake at night. Having a consistent out of bed time in the morning also benefits the body clock.

Something to bear in mind is that with enough time awake, we will sleep — no matter how stressed or anxious we are and no matter how uncomfortable our environment, sleep drive always wins in the end.

By allotting an appropriate amount of time for sleep (not allotting too much time AND not allotting too little time) you help build sleep drive while reducing the amount of time you spend awake during the night (wakefulness, as I am sure you recognize, can lead to more time spent thinking and worrying about sleep and this can perpetuate insomnia).

If you are consistent with your sleep window and implementing sleep restriction correctly, you will start to fill that sleep window with sleep — because sleep drive always wins.

—

If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.

The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

[whitelori]

Martin- So when I try sleep restriction, what I can’t get past is the times where after being like that yo yo, up and down, I have FINALLY fallen in a deep sleep only to be awakened out of it at the end of the window. That leaves me so frustrated. It wouldn’t IF I were able to go that next night and fall asleep faster/better, but it has not happened to me yet. In fact, it is always worse that next night. I know the point is that the sleep drive will increase, but I have not experienced this the next night after being awakened from a deep sleep. I’m having a really hard time getting past this while trying to implement the sleep restriction program.

[sleepykieran]

Hi @whitelori

Thanks for you previous message by the way, looks like we have both helped each other, which is just what these forums are for I suppose 🙂
I know exactly how you feel about SR. SR is one tool in the suite of CBT techniques to help return to normal sleep, have a read of the below study around core beliefs, I’ve found this really helpful and have started to reframe an unhelpful core belief from ‘I can’t function at work without sleep’ to ‘I actually get by pretty well even with hardly any sleep’ (or something like that 🙂 )
https://www.med.upenn.edu/cbti/assets/user-content/documents/Morin_CognitiveTherapyforDysfunctionalBeliefsaboutSleepandInsomnia_BTSD.pdf

[Martin Reed]

@whitelori

Sticking to that consistent out of bed time can be really hard — especially if you are asleep when your alarm goes off in the morning! The thing is, if you do sleep in it will feel great at the time, but you increase the likelihood of sleep being more difficult the next night since there will be less time for sleep drive to build during the day, and your body clock will miss out on that consistent morning anchor as a reference point (here’s a video about this: Why an inconsistent out of bed time can perpetuate insomnia even when you have a strong sleep drive).

Of course, there are no guarantees that because you got out of bed at the same time you will have a fantastic night of sleep the following night (and having any expectations when it comes to sleep can actually make sleep more difficult) — but it certainly increases your chances of a better night of sleep.

Ultimately, if you want to enjoy consistent sleep, it’s really helpful to have a consistent sleep schedule (particularly when it comes to those out of bed times in the morning).

—

If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.

The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

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