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I thought it might be fun to have a place for jokes when life gets to be a little too much.
Here's my contribution – 😛
Super Bowl humor a few days late……
A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl.
As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat
next to him.
“No,” he says, “The seat is empty.”
“This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat
like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not
use it?”
He says, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my
wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super
bowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967.”
“Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone
else-a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?”.
The man shakes his head.
“No,
they're all at the funeral.”
Two elephants fall off a cliff….
BOOM BOOM!
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The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Just got this one via email:
A San Francisco cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, “I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.”
She answers, “My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything.
I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”
“Well, I've always had a fantasy to have nun kiss me.”
She responds, “Well, let's see what we can do about that; #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.”
The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!” “OK” the nun says, “Pull into the next alley.” He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. “My dear child,” said the nun, “why are you crying?”
Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied; I must confess that I'm married and I'm Jewish.” The nun says, “That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party.”
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I went to a TV show recording this evening. It's called TV Burp and it's a humourous review of the week's TV. The guy who presents it is a funny (and very intelligent) comedian called Harry Hill. In an off camera moment he came out with this (not particularly funny but it tickled me!)
Red sky at night – it's night! Red sky in the morning – Damn, I've woken up in the night again!
(perhaps you had to be there…)
Hope this isn't too rude for here…I have so many but I'm not sure how blue we can go… 😛
Anyway…
On hearing her elderly grandad had died, Katie went to her 98 year old grans house.
When she asked how he died, gran replied, 'He had a heart attack during Sunday morning sex'.
Katie was aghast at her 2 granparents risking their lives making love.
'Oh no' said gran, 'we do it to the church bells….Nice and slow. In on the ding and out on the dong'
She paused to wipe away a tear…
'He'd still be alive if the f**king ice cream van hadn't come along'
😀 😀 😀 😀
Heard this one on the weekend:
A family gather around the bedside of their poorly relative. A Doctor informs all that the only chance of survival would be a brain transplant, but they would have to buy the brain. £5000 for a male brain and £200 for a female one. The women of the group gasp while the men chuckle.
Eventually, a brave member of the family asks the Doctor why the female brain so much cheaper.
“We have to account for depreciation.” explains the Doctor. “The women's brains have to be marked down because they've been used” 😀
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