[Kkel009]

I have had insomnia since 2009. I was in a bad car accident where my friend that was driving the car had passed away from the accident. I was the only survivor. This left me with high anxiety and PTSD. I struggled with sleep from then on out. I started on anxiety medicine (Xanax) which started to trigger sleep paralysis for me and I stopped taking it. Now I’m on ambien. A terrible doctor never tried anything else but addictive anxiety medications or ambien for me. This left me at 19 years old and on the highest dose of ambien available. Now I’m 31. I have been on ambien for over 10 years and it no longer is effective for me. I started CBT-I training 3 days ago with minimal success. I haven’t had a good nights rest in over a week now. I worry that I am reliant on medication regardless of it working or not and feel as if I am on the brink of insanity. My biggest sleep challenge is getting to sleep. I either have a racing mind (what will I do at work tomorrow, I never responded to that email, is my sister mad that I forgot to call her back?) or a hyper aroused state of mind (my leg itches, my dog is licking his feet, the fan is making my hair tickle my face) I notice EVERYTHING. In my normal day to day, I hide insomnia from nearly everyone I know. My dad struggles with it too and I worry I will be just like him. I’m willing to do CBT-I to the best of my ability, but haven’t found hope in it so far. I still take medication and I want to get off. I have an appointment with my PCP to see my options. I need help.

[Chee2308]

Hello and welcome to this forum!

I am sorry to hear about what you are going through and I am no expert. You are taking simple nothings and mundane things way too seriously! And this is often the cause of suffering. People are taking what’s going on in their lives too seriously. Essentially what is suffering in life? It is simply because you want things done your way, you get obsessive and you want to be in control of everything, all the time. When things deviate or you don’t get what you want, which invariably happen, you take it too personally and get too upset over them. Even things you have no control over. Like sleep, your dog licking its feet or being in an accident in which you weren’t driving, years ago!

I can’t speak about other things. But sleep is something nobody has any control over. Ever. Even when it seems like you do. Sleep is a core biological process that happens or accumulates after being awake long enough. It’s like being hungry after being starved for a long time. It’s as simple as that! There’s nothing complex about it. So it’s futile to attempt to conquer it, via meds or other things. All those things you do never really affect sleep, your body is in total control all the time, and it decides when you fall asleep or how much you actually get. It was your own body that made you sleep this whole time, not those meds! When you do something to sleep, the results are often mixed because there is really no connection whatsoever and whatever outcome you get is just by random chance.

The kind of personality you are is often a factor. Try to practice letting go bit by bit everyday. The world and the people around you will still go on despite you not doing the things the way you want them. So it’s really not a big deal! Don’t judge everything especially your sleep. Be okay with whatever you get. Just get in and out of bed at regular times. You may want to discuss with your doctor how to taper off those meds. If you watch Martin’s YT videos, there was a lady who had insomnia for over 60 years, took sleeping meds almost all her life only to discover her natural sleeping ability is always there the whole time, via CBT-i. Whatever connection you make between your sleep and taking meds exist only inside your head, these connections aren’t real or reflect reality. Good luck!

[Martin Reed]

How do you currently respond to that racing mind/hyperarousal? How workable is that response? How effective is it proving to be?

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