[GertG]

I have never been a really good sleeper–always light and easily awakened. I have monkey-brain–it just won’t shut up! Then menopause hit 13 years ago and what sleep I did get left me. I went on ambien for about 5 years and got off. Now I take a mix of adaptogens at night and, if I take a benadryl, will sleep every 3rd night or so for 6 hours. To add to my problems, my husband is very ill and I’m the one caring for him. I don’t dare sleep far away in case I don’t hear him if he needs me, his medications make him cold so he’ll turn up the heat (and he really is cold, freezing hands and feet), and then there’s the noise of his medical equipment. I have always eaten well and have recently started going to the gym for an hour every day except weekends. I exercise, eat right, get sunshine and fresh air. I’m still working, too, so there’s that bit of stress but really my life is not too stressful other than the spouse thing. Now it’s getting to the point he’s ill enough that we get company who want to see him in case it’s the last time, so I have to cook and clean for them, too. I’ve done the sleep sounds and hypnotism, tried sleep restriction and cbt. But, if I get up because I’m not sleeping, he gets up, too, and then he’s talking, snacking and that’s not helping me at all. He can sleep all day. I can’t. I need help!

[gsdmom]

GertG – Welcome! Your lifestyle and family situation sounds very similar to my own. In my experience my doctors are not very interested in addressing things related to menopause. I know HRT has some risks, but it has been somewhat helpful for me. I recently asked my doc to slightly increase my dosage, the new dose is still low, but doc was very reluctant. I am somewhat cooler at night now. Have you ever tried HRT? My spouse gets cold too, he sleeps with electric blanket on, and I have the overhead fan on and still get so hot sometimes. I need to sleep with earplugs and sometimes medical devices for my spouse light up and alert. Like at your house, my spouse can nap at anytime, whereas I can never nap to recover lost sleep.

You may want to check out the ACT forum here and read the Sleep Book by Guy Meadows. It is a bit different as when you can’t sleep you just try to accept that and stay relaxed in bed. This gives you a bit more energy during the day and is helpful. Hope you start getting the rest you need to cope with your home situation.

[GertG]

HRT is not an option. I was on it for over 10 years and the cancer risk is too great to continue. I am past the point of night sweats, although I do have an occasional hot flash. I control my hot flashes by avoiding sugar and only have one if I overindulge. I read the book. Your use of earplugs seems like a perpetuating factor. My question is, how do you ‘accept’ the sleeplessness? I can lay there and say ok, I”m not sleeping but that’s ok. So?

[Martin Reed]

Hello Gert. Given your circumstances, it’s not surprising that you are struggling with sleep. You mentioned that you tried sleep restriction and CBT. What was your chosen sleep window when you were implementing sleep restriction, and how long did you stick with it before deciding it wasn’t helpful? What other CBT-I techniques were you implementing?

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If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.

The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

[GertG]

I get up at 4 every morning, regardless of if it’s a workday or vacation. I have animals that need tending. So, my window for sleep restriction was go to bed at midnight and get up at 4. I did this for 2 weeks and never did sleep the entire 4 hours. Waiting to go to bed when you are sleepy doesn’t work for me-I’m always sleepy. I have a salt lamp in the living room, so there’s a nice warm glow there for when I’m up. I have my book right there. I don’t turn on any devices or tv. So, how do you get some sleep when you never fall asleep?

[Martin Reed]

Midnight to 4:00 AM is a very short sleep window. I typically don’t suggest going shorter than around five to five-and-a-half hours. In any case, sometimes it can take longer than two weeks to notice results. Somewhere between three and six weeks of consistent observation of an appropriate sleep window is when many people will notice improvements.

Furthermore, it’s important to point out that we aren’t looking for you to fill the entire sleep window with sleep — that would mean you would have a sleep efficiency of 100% and this is virtually impossible to accomplish without extreme sleep deprivation.

Ultimately, you would want to start extending your sleep window once your sleep efficiency goes above 85% since we need to recognize that it takes time to fall asleep and it’s completely normal to spend a bit of time awake during the night.

It’s also important to recognize that sleepiness is not the same as tiredness or fatigue. If you are sufficiently sleepy, you will fall asleep. If you are not, you won’t. Sometimes it can be hard to tell the difference, though — and sometimes our body can even suppress sleepiness cues if we have a lot of sleep-related worry and anxiety.

I hope this helps, and I encourage you to give sleep restriction another try!

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If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.

The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

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