[Westie]

Hi there

Before I say what I need help with, do not judge me. I don’t fully understand insomnia as I’ve never had it, but I’ve been affected by it with my boyfriend.

He’s 27 and been living with insomnia for 10 years. He has had sleep tests and is on sleeping pills (zolpidem 10mg for 9years). He also has restless legs.

When I first met him in 2016, he was playing games all night until 6-7am and waking up at 5-6pm. He says he can’t take sleeping pills until he feels tired or he will feel sick.

After a few months of this, I had enough and after researching on insomnia and knowing how my boyfriend is (stubborn and unmotivated), I made a sleeping schedule for him. Getting off Internet at 4, get ready for bed, take pills and then chill for a bit if still not tired, like Reading a book or watching lighthearted TV. Bed when tired. I’ll call him at 2pm to wake up.

It worked. He was sleeping at 4 do after a while, we decided to get up earlier. Off Internet at 3, wake up at 1. He has struggled with this.

He hasn’t been taking pills properly, only when he feels tired but in bed by 5. He has started playing games again during night.

I had him around for 3 nights last week. He does say he sleeps better with me. He was in bed by 12, asleep by 1-2am. He was awake by 10-11am, I had to wake him up tho.

Having him up early was amazing. We got things done. He was happy and I was too.

But after he went home, he’s back to going to bed around 4-5am…

I don’t understand insomnia. I know it might seem I’m trying to be his doctor or therapist and I’m sorry if offence. However he doesn’t have any will to get better without me…

We do not live together so it’s a struggle to see each other, especially with his insomnia and my anxiety.

He is not in therapy, not getting help from doctors but his prescription. He shouldn’t have been on sleeping pills for so long but now fully addicted to it.

I just want to ask if you think I’m doing right by him and is he doing right by himself and me.

I don’t know what to do or say. The trouble is I miss him. I wish for a good morning text in the morning.

I know I’m being selfish but I’ve had this for almost 3 years…

 

 

[Martin Reed]

It sounds as though your boyfriend’s sleep schedule is delayed — in other words, he tends to go to bed very late and get out of bed very late in the day. Although this schedule is unusual, does he get a still get a good amount of sleep? If so, he may be experiencing delayed sleep phase syndrome. This can often be corrected with behavioral changes — was delayed sleep phase syndrome mentioned by his doctor by any chance?

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[Westie]

No. His doctors aren’t so experienced with insomnia unfortunately.

He does get the recommended hours, just not correctly.

I have never heard of delayed sleep phase syndrome. And I don’t think he has, he would have told me.

[Author]

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