[novatom]

HI everyone, I am Tom, 62 and live in the Mid-Atlantic coast (US) area. I found this site through Youtube and wanted to share my experience to see if others have similar issues.

I’ve never been a great sleeper but I managed the first 40 or so years of my life without needing any sleeping aids. About 20 years ago, I started using Ambien but it didn’t work too well for me and I seem to remember going through most of the next 15 years or so being able to sleep OK. I would have a prescription to pills but didn’t need them every night. In 2014 I was diagnosed with mild sleep apnea and started using a CPAP, which helped. Two years later I went through a particularly stressful time of my life and became dependent on Temazapam (30 mg), using it every night. I didn’t like being on the pills but I managed to get a decent 6 hours of sleep, enough to make me feel human and get through my day.

A year ago I developed a tolerance to the pills and the quality and length of sleep immediately went downhill. I’ve been on a roller coaster for the past year, but the bottom line is I am still dependent on the pills (have also gone back on Ambien, which again, doesn’t help much), I have 3 medications: the prior two mentioned and Trazadone. None are very effective anymore.

A couple years ago i remember admitting to a friend that my body “had forgotten how to sleep,” and whether that was true or not it became a self fulfilling prophecy. I’ve always been an anxious person and my brother told me he thinks I’ve “talked myself” into my insomnia.

My insomnia started because of stress but the funny thing is now, I don’t have nearly as much stress as I used to. Getting older, I’ve found myself worrying less about things. I have a good job, good pay, plenty of friends (most of whom I only see online, which has been the case for the past 2 years). I have a partner but we don’t live together (long story), we’re raising twin boys, aged 7 but I only get to see them on the weekends. They are a big source of stress to my partner and I empathize with his stress but the process of raising them is not as stressful for me. I try to support him as much as I can and he sleeps fine but I also know that he can’t be as responsive to my needs either because of the kids (he’s 63).

I’m ready to just give up the pills but I know I can’t do it cold turkey and yet I feel that they are the main reason that I can’t get my natural ability to sleep back. I have taken up transcendental meditation which has helped me calm my mind but a year later, it hasn’t changed my ability to sleep. I just don’t fall asleep when I want to.

I fully understand being in the presence and trying not to think about the past or tomorrow when I lie down at bed and for the most part, feel that I can do that (the meditation has helped me learn how to “clear my mind). I also use the Calm app, which has helped some. I know all about CBT-I and even used an online app (for $300) for 3 months but it didn’t make a difference (fortunately I got my money back). Also, CBT-I is not as easy to do when you have to use a CPAP every night.

I tell myself i don’t really have any stress points, that my life is actually pretty good considering but I also know that the source of stress every day is that I think about the next night and how I will handle my inability to sleep- that’s what I stress about. One of my sleep doctors told me, sleep should come naturally without having to think about it but the more you think about it, the harder it gets to sleep. It’s easy to tell someone not to stress or think about sleep all day but when you feel so tired the next day, it’s not easy to put it out of your mind.

Well, that’s my current sleep situation in a nutshell. I have a feeling others have the very same experiences here. I look forward to a conversation.

[Scott]

Hi @novatom, welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing your story.

What you’re experiencing isn’t an uncommon theme among those who have insomnia. Typically, insomnia exists because our thoughts and behaviors toward our sleep have changed, similar to what your brother describes. When we try to avoid or fight our negative thoughts about our sleep, it usually intensifies the issue. Unfortunately, sleep doesn’t reward our strong efforts and any deliberate attempt to make sleep happen, usually means sleep eludes us. As your doctor shared with you, the more you think about it, the harder sleep becomes.

It appears like you have some anxious thoughts about your sleep issue though. How do you manage the relationship with those thoughts when they arrive? Those unhelpful thoughts aren’t the problem though, it’s our reaction and struggle with them that fuels the intensity of those thoughts. I wonder if you changed your relationship with them to be welcoming and allowing them to roam around for as long as they’d like instead of fighting/avoiding them if that would be more beneficial for you? See, we have no control over our thoughts but we can control how we react to them. Instead of identifying with those thoughts and getting caught in it’s web of struggle, what if you welcomed it by saying, “Thank you, mind!” and continue engaging in the activity that you were doing when it arrived (or focus on your breath, since you practice meditation)? Don’t believe everything you think because thoughts aren’t truths!

Hope that helps,
Scott J

—

If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.

The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

[novatom]

Hi Scott, thank you for your reply, I appreciate the feedback.

Sorry I didn’t reply sooner but I did something this week that I thought I could do but now am having some regrets. I did what every doctor I’ve gone to recommended I NOT do, I went cold turkey. I’ve now been 5 straight nights without any sleep medication (except some Tylenol PM which I don’t really count because it doesn’t really help and is OTC).

The first few days I was able to get through my days OK and in fact up until yesterday I was still able to get my daily 2 mile walk in. But this morning I am feeling dizzy and had to call in sick at work because I can’t concentrate. I’ve been horizontal all day.

I thought that I could force my mind to finally fall asleep naturally without help by just stopping the pills but it doesn’t work that way. Fortunately my vital signs are fine. The only sleep I got was an hour or so every night of vivid dreams (light dozing is what I call it, it’s not the restorative kind of sleep I need).

I feel really really stuck now. I’m not getting enough sleep with the pills and feel lousy during the day but I can at least function. And then when I stop using the pills I feel even worse and even may be putting my health in danger.

I think I may be ready to sign up for this course, I’m so desperate. Unfortunately my living situation isn’t ideal for trying CBT-I at this point, I’m living in a bedroom at an AirBnB while I wait for my condo to be finished so I can’t really do that whole “get up out of bed when you cant sleep and go to another room routine” and my bed is basically my couch where I do all my work and lie on all day.

I want to wean myself off of my pills and even have a lower dosage version of Restoril for this purpose but I am really stuck right now. I don’t feel safe driving but I need to get out from time to time for family obligations. Tonight I will take my medication again.

During this week I decided to stay off the insomnia boards including this one because I thought “maybe if I don’t read about it and obsess over it, I’ll be able to put it out of my mind.” But that didn’t work either.

[Scott]

We can’t really force sleep to happen and, in fact, the harder we try to fix our sleep issue, the more elusive it becomes. It’s the same idea with our anxiety and thoughts toward our sleep disruptions – the more we struggle with those thoughts, the more they intensify. We CAN control the sort of day we want to have though. What are some activities you enjoy – those that bring meaning to your life – that you could fill your day with instead of worrying if/when sleep will come?

CBT-I can work in just about every situation, including yours, so I’m hopeful you’ll begin exploring the techniques mentioned in the resources on this site and Martin’s YouTube channel. If you’re feeling relaxed while lying in bed, you’re more than welcome to remain there as long as it feels good. When you become anxious and frustrated, it’s recommended to remove yourself from bed to prevent a conditioned arousal to build.

Scott J

—

If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.

The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

[Author]

Posts