[lynnbet]

I have had insomnia for about three months now. Total sleep anxiety, not sure how to deal with it now. I am 47 now and have been sleep well in my last 46 years. This is so sudden and I really feel out of control. Once my eyes are closed, I feel anxiety, and my heart rate is beating super fast. Of course, no matter how tired I am, sleep is out of window! Had a health check this week, everything is fine. But How do I deal with the sleep anxiety, Please help!

[Tessishere]

Hi! I think the biggest thing is to know you haven’t ‘lost’ your ability to sleep. If you feel yourself getting worked up while laying in bed, my husband clears his mind and takes note of his feelings and realizes that they’re just feelings and let’s them pass by without ‘feeding’ into them.
A big thing that helped my husband was covering the clocks around 7pm every night. That way the clock-watching doesn’t take hold. We even covered the clock on our tv with a little flap over the top right corner. Don’t fear being awake. If you are awake, let it happen. Fill it with things you enjoy, like your favorite show, a game, book, puzzle etc. if you’re like my husband, he found it hard to find enjoyable things bc all he wanted to do was sleep. But once he tolerated wakefulness and didn’t let it affect his day or his mood, he finally began to grasp that sleep isn’t in control. Since we can’t control sleep, we CAN control our day and what we do with our time. When my husband found himself not being able to relax in bed after giving himself time to calm down, he would get out of bed and watch tv or play a video game or scroll social media until he felt sleepy. He also woke up at the same time EVERY SINGLE DAY. No matter if he slept or not, he woke up every morning at 6am and went for a walk outside. He also wouldn’t go to bed until he was sleepy. Not tired, sleepy. Eyes heavy, beginning to feel drowsy and then that would be his queue and he would lay down. It is quite a change and takes time to adjust in the beginning but that is when my husband began to see the biggest difference and notice sleep improvement.

[Chee2308]

Hi Tess!

Thank you for sharing. I think once the fear is gone, all the “little” things that you do to try to control sleep, even as innocent as covering clocks and taping some corner of the tv or your smartphone, which helps at first, is probably meaningless too! I used to do that until I realize it was a bit silly, a hassle and completely unnecessary for the state of the recovery that I was already in, which I believe your husband already is too. A clock just tells the time, which I now see as a neutral and completely harmless action, it does absolutely nothing else including “jinxing” the ability to sleep. Best wishes to you and your husband.

[Tessishere]

Hey Chee!
Completely agree! I think it helped him at first let go of clock watching and worrying about the time. It’s hard when you’re in the mentality of only wanting to sleep and see the hours passing by when you first start in the journey. It’s hard to be on your phone and not see the little clock up there reminding you of the time, especially when you haven’t really grasped the concept of accepting wakefulness. Atleast that’s the struggle my husband went through in the beginning. If that makes sense. But I do know that he’s definitely ‘ready’ to not have the clocks covered up anymore. I think the timeless aspect worked for him, bc it allowed him to give no mind to time and just keep busy until he felt sleepy, and it happen at whatever time that may be. 😊

[lynnbet]

Thank you Tess and Chee! Last night, I basically just got so fed up with this crazy anxiety, I gave up! Meaning I said to myself that I WILL stay awake! Then, I actually fell asleep… had 3.5 hrs first, then a couple hours later. Thanks guys for the advice, I know the road is still long ahead, but I am hopeful! I think I really just HAVE to let it go! Not worrying about our health and body so much!

[Tessishere]

That’s exactly what my husband went through. He finally became fine with being awake and anticipated it without it upsetting him. When he finally was okay with wakefulness and was finally just like whatever happens happens is when he FINALLY began sleeping. It’s so strange how that works, when you are ok with being awake that’s when you sleep, but when you chase sleep, it becomes harder.
Like Chee said, you just live your life as if there is no problem, and that’s when it has no control over you.

[lynnbet]

Yes Tess! I now kinda know the feeling! I am a musician, not needing to get up for a 9 to 5 job. Perhaps that’s what initially contributed to this insomnia. On the other hand, this might work in my favour now. While I WILL have to restrict my sleep time in the morning, I do feel that I could “afford” to be a little slow in case I do end up enjoy my wakefulness too much the night before! The fear is alway that I will have to live with this insomnia for the rest of my life! From your story, it seems that as long as we are in the right mind set, this will NOT be the case! Thank you Tess and please send my best to your husband too!

[Chee2308]

Hey @lynnbet

Always remember that thinking you will do poorly at sleep will never negate the ability of your body to perform that essential function. In the same way you can never lose the ability to eat or breathe. So when you think your body needs to sleep when it really doesn’t and then forcing that to happen is usually where the problem lies. Everytime you are not sleeping, always remind yourself that there’s nothing wrong, it’s because your body just doesn’t need it or is sleepy at that moment and if you wait long enough and not overly worry over it, the sleepiness is guaranteed to return. Good luck to you, you can do this too!

[Martin Reed]

It’s amazing how much power all this difficult stuff loses, once we stop engaging in a struggle with it!

—

If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.

The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

[lynnbet]

Hi Chee, thanks for your suggestions! I see you have recovered from insomnia. Could you please share with me how long did it take you to really get rid of the ‘fear’ of sleeping! In the last 14 days of cdt-I( not so much stimulus control needed), I have been doing ok, with a couple of difficult nights<4 hrs. Even then, I could still sense this slight ‘fear’ every time going to bed. I really need to do 30min of mental confidence building every night before bed. Is this normal? Sending my best wishes!

[lynnbet]

My insomnia first appeared this January. Because of traveling, I really only started Cbt-I this month. The catastrophic thoughts having to deal with this for the rest of my life really scares me. Reading and listening to Martin’s success stories really helps me and I really would like to hear from a successful case like yourself, how long will this fear of sleep last! Thanks buddy!

[Chee2308]

Hello @lynnbet

It is not easy to share insights because what worked for me probably won’t for others. I wish I could plant the “cure” into everyone as a one-size-fits-all pill but it doesn’t quite work like that. Everyone is different and you have to find the context that works for you. But ultimately, it’s usually somewhere along the lines that you just become convinced there’s nothing wrong so the fear is really unwarranted. And yes, I still get that “tired but wired” thing when going to bed but it doesn’t bother me anymore, I kinda expect it now depending on how I feel during the day, if I was energetic all day until bedtime, I know I won’t be able be fall asleep immediately and that’s okay because I know I eventually do. I tell myself the reason I am awake is not because my body is broken but it’s because my body doesn’t need that sleep yet so it is probably already well-rested then. So if I am willing to wait it out and not struggle with it, the sleepiness will inevitably return. Good luck!

[lynnbet]

Thank you Chee! Despite a few difficult night per month, My hours are kinda ok now, I guess it just takes time to overcome this concern and to have a strict sleep window is very important. I really appreciate your positive support on this forum! Thank you!

[Author]

Posts