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Does anyone find that just when they think things are improving insomnia throws them a curve ball, like it’s saying ‘remember me’? It’s so frustrating – I will have 4-6 nights of okay/good sleep then an awful night, even though I go to bed that night with the same amount of sleepiness and no more things on my mind than usual, and nothing on the next day to worry about. It makes no sense! Trying to remain positive though and carry on as best I can the next day as I won’t let it beat me 🙂
Yes. I’ve been told time & again that having a bad night is normal for normal sleepers, and what makes it insomnia is becoming anxious and perpetuating it into several nights of bad sleep.
That’s what I’ve been doing ever since I started making progress. I’ll sleep great for like 6-8 nights, get confident, have a bad night, get scared (this seems to be the key), and it snowballs into days of insomnia.
I had a bit of an epiphany on this forum, though. I really do focus too much on wanting to sleep well, and – at least for me – my real problem is the fear. I need to treat this process less like I’m hoping to sleep well, and more like a long game of treating the fear of not sleeping.
I had read that and I knew it, but after 4 nights of sitting up literally bawling in frustration, I think I finally accepted that trying to sleep well tonight shouldn’t be my goal simply because it’s not working – it’s making me more afraid.
It doesn’t really work for me to think of it as working on not being afraid to be awake. It works for me to think of it as working on not being afraid, period. Something about the wording makes a big difference.
Thanks Ladysarah1985 – I sort of get what you mean as I’ve been afraid in some ways all my life! Afraid of what people think of me and being a failure in particular; therefore I feel I need to be at my best at all times which I can’t be when I haven’t slept, hence the viscious circle of insomnia!
Oh geez, I get that. You know, I bet I wouldn’t mind not sleeping if I didn’t mind what it represents to me. It represents feeling like I’m losing my mind / crying a lot (vs having the dignity and self-control I value). It represents looking tired, possible weight gain and skin issues (as a female coming up on 40, now I’m worried about these things).
Yeah, I think the fear is my real problem for sure. Like with 9 billion flawed people on the planet, I’m not allowed to have a season where I’m just not at my best for awhile. Time to give myself permission to have whatever I need now.
Ha!!! I’m 60 next year and still feel I’m learning about myself! Fortunately I have a very understanding and supportive husband who knows not to upset me if I’ve had a bad night – Annoyingly he doesn’t worry about stuff (he leaves that bit to me!) and could sleep on a clothes line. I wish I could be more like him but I guess this insomnia lark is character building if nothing else …….. 🙂
My boyfriend also sleeps like the dead. 🤣🤣🤣 And he’s also very supportive. He wakes up and takes care of me when I’m literally bawling in the middle of the night. I just hate it for him because his job is very physical and I don’t want him to be tired at work.
I will say, sometimes I think I’m going through this just because it is teaching me some incredibly useful mental strength. I never imagined I’d be able to function without sleep, but I’ve been doing it regularly for 7 months. And the recovery process is something I can see the mental value of in the long-run.
Fantastic! You’ve hit the nail on the head! We are all going to be stronger people in the end because of our struggles with insomnia – Definitely something to hold onto when we feel like crap! 😉
It is definitely good to have something to hold onto!! It isn’t a useless struggle, and it’s not all for nothing. It helps a lot to know that.
Hello Sue!
Do you ever have a difficult day after a run of great days? If so, is your response to that difficult day any different from how you respond to a difficult night that happens after a run of great nights?
If so, might there be an insight there?
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