[Dreyo86]

I live with my parents and due to my father making non stop noise all night, (snoring, coughing, toilet visits), I have a strange sleep setup which I’ve no doubt is making things worse.
At the back of our house are two garages and on the back of one the garages is a small extension, about 12ft x12ft that was originally a store room type area. I have a fold out bed in there and I sleep in a sleeping bag, it is comfy enough, and relatively clean in there.
I stay in the house till about 11pm at latest, but sometimes if for whatever the reason I feel sleepy before then, then I go to bed. Only problem is because I have to walk outside, I then wake up and lose my sleepiness, then I get into the bed and I’m now awake again, then when I decide to go to sleep my arousal perks up and my whole body goes into a state of anxiety.
Insomnia 101 states that of course you should get up and go to another room, but I can’t simply do that, if I go outside in the cold then I’ll just wake up even more.
Every time I try breathing exercises and mediation, the anxiety gets worse, every time. I do not know what I can do.
To make things worse, every time I sleep, I sleep short spells where I have the most insane intense dreams, that wake me up and I feel horrible when I wake up, I feel exhausted, I feel like several days go by within just 30 mins of sleep, and my anxiety goes up, these dreams get worse as the night goes on. So not only do I barely sleep, when I do, it feels detrimental.
This has been going on for years and I am crippled by it 24/7, chronic anxiety and depression are killing me slowly.
The dreams maybe due to anti depressant medication, of which I’m reducing to see if this changes anything or a perpetual REM rebound that I can’t escape.
Please help!

[hiker]

Hi Dreyo86, since you have been suffering so long, it could take some digging to find out how your anxiety originated. Some mental health professionals might dispute whether it is necessary to dig that deep. Personally, I had to do a lot of digging because of early childhood trauma and repressed (true) memories. But that might not be your situation.

What is clear: however it started, your anxiety has taken on a life of its own, hence the ongoing insomnia. I suspect the anxiety and accompanying depression would be with you even if you did not have the distractions like your noisy father and having to move to another room. These are difficulties, to be sure, but if you look into other posts and Martin’s materials, I think you will see that it’s not so much the external difficulties as how we react to them.

Clearly the anxious thoughts feel powerful, the way you describe them even when you try breathing exercises and meditation. And feeling helpless, feeling like I can’t sleep no matter what, feeling hopeless…..it can seem like this is real. Add to this the incredible importance our culture, at least in the West, accords to how we feel, and we can think this is reality.

When you are hammered from insomnia, it is hard to see that there is a huge difference between:

1. I am doomed to a life of insomnia and misery;

2. I feel like I am doomed to a life of insomnia and misery.

When I am living #2, it seems like #1 has to be true. It isn’t.

[Martin Reed]

It sounds as though you aren’t finding it helpful to practice breathing exercises or meditation or going outside in the cold when you find yourself awake at night!

Instead of responding to wakefulness by trying to get rid of it and instead of responding to difficult thoughts and feelings such as anxiety by trying to get rid of them, perhaps it might be worth practicing and developing skill in experiencing all those things with less struggle?

If there’s less struggle, perhaps they will become less difficult and require less energy and attention?

To help you get started with a different approach, you might try doing something you enjoy or something that you find interesting when you are awake at night and find yourself struggling.

So, instead of trying to get rid of wakefulness, certain thoughts, certain feelings, you simply engage in an alternative activity whenever you find yourself getting pulled into a struggle. Your goal isn’t to make sleep happen or to control your thoughts and feelings. Your goal is to practice experiencing all that stuff with less struggle.

Do you think that might be worth a try?

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The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

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