[AverageAthena]

Hello, all. I think I’ve actually struggled with insomnia off-and-on for a long time, but recently, it’s come in the form of struggling to fall asleep, rather than waking up after sleeping for a while and lying awake. So, this is new, and I’m not sure why it’s happening this way all of a sudden. I do have a theory, though, and I’d love to get some perspective:
My partner has been under a lot of stress from their job for months (mostly just hating the situation but not being able to find another one—or finding stuff but not getting the job). This feels like it’s gotten worse in the last few weeks/month, which tracks when my insomnia shift started. In that time, I’ve cycled through lots of emotions about them and had some major moments of self-discovery that I feel have made our relationship stronger. Amid this, though, they’ve felt inaccessible, which I understand, but it’s still left me feeling neglected emotionally.
Questions.
-Could this be contributing to my insomnia struggles—just the stress of the situation plus my own stress about feeling pushed aside?
-After feeling emotionally neglected all day, getting into bed and just being physically close brings up a host of conflicting emotions—I want to be close to them because I miss them, but I also feel like lying down next to them is a perfunctory closeness that doesn’t mean anything. Also, they still feel far away because they’re asleep and I’m not. Could this be an insomnia trigger? If so, any advice for dealing with it? (Trying to sleep on the couch doesn’t help. Then I just feel like I’m avoiding the situation.)
-Would it help to tell them how I’m feeling? And if so, how? I wouldn’t be asking them to fix it necessarily, but I also don’t want to dump more stress on them. That said, I feel like keeping it to myself isn’t healthy either. I have a right to make my feelings known, but I also realize they aren’t responsible for my emotional wellbeing. Shouldn’t I be able to self-manage and get through this situation? After all, they are sleeping fine, and they’re the one with the job stress.
Long-winded, but there it all is. Thanks for your input.

[Scott]

Hi, welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing your story.

Life stressors can certainly influence the quality of our sleep even if you’re not directly involved in the stressful situation but your sleep generally improves once that stressor is gone. When you go to bed and begin to have anxious thoughts, how do you respond to them?

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If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.

The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

[AverageAthena]

I actually chatted with my partner about this last night, which helped a lot. Also realized that part of it was on me for being afraid to ask for closeness and feeling ashamed of wanting stuff that felt needy (when it isn’t). This helped me be calmer when we went to bed. I think now the main thing to focus on is retraining myself that bed is a safe place/time. It feels daunting, and I’m concerned I can’t do it. But at the same time, I know I can. I just need patience with myself. (This all feels like I’m on the right track, but perspective welcome.)

[Scott]

That’s great to hear and it sounds like you have a plan to move forward! Thanks for sharing the update and good luck!

—

If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.

The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.

[Author]

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