[sdaven02]

Hi everyone, I am in need of some encouragement please. After a backfire in my recovery, I am now having nights that are taking me 2-3 hrs to fall asleep. I understand this is conditioned/hyper arousal and is out of my control. I am doing my best to stay in bed, reading if I like, and accepting the wakefulness. I know it’s not dangerous (as I once thought), I know that I am ok and that sleep will eventually come but man it is disappointing. I know that during this time I am likely drifting into the beginings of light sleep at times and that rest of happening. My focus is on rest not sleep and I know I will function fine the next day. Logically , I know all of this but it doesn’t make the hard nights much easier. These kinds of nights used to be a rarity but are now much more frequent. Please tell me the more I worked on accepting this, this easier it will be. Please tell me that you’ve been here, and sleep does stabilize eventually.

[Chee2308]

Hey,

Saying you are in acceptance is not the same as being convinced. I wish words alone can convince you but that’s not how it works. You only become convinced from more experience and not just reading stuff on forums like this. This usually means:
1. Having more insomnia to beat insomnia. Each episode only increases your resilience.
2. More insomnia = less sleep = more sleep drive = more sleep = less sleep drive = more insomnia and so on. The cycle repeats until you truly see the really picture. The experiences gained will come in handy to handle sleeplessness as it happens. Insomnia will only start getting less frequent and milder the less you fear it or try to make a huge fuss out of it everytime.

Best wishes.

[Martin Reed]

If an approach of acceptance is what you are working toward, it sounds like you are on the right track!

Acceptance is an action-based skill and skills usually take time and ongoing practice to develop. There are usually ups and downs along the way, too.

I’m curious — what needs to happen for the hard nights to become easier?

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[sdaven02]

Thank you Martin. I have been in “fight and fix” mode for so long, that I see it only adds fuel to the flames. I completed an CBT-I course when this first began am incorporating the strategies that support me best, to the principles of ACT-I. For example, instead of getting out of bed to read, when sleep doesn’t come, I am staying in bed and reading. I focusing on not fearing but “befriending” wakefulness (wild concept) and trying to see the positive in the rest I am getting. However, it’s surprising how hard it is to let go of the struggle and just let it be. Letting go, when you a fixer at heart, is hard. I have started to notice that with each difficult night, I become just a little more desinsitized to it. I am seeing that a bad night doesnt equal a bad day. I feel that hurtle I struggle the most with, what keeps me in the struggle the most, is thinking “this is not normal”, “insomnia is not normal”. That belief is the feer that keeps me in this loop, I think.

[Chee2308]

I think for many, acceptance feels hard because of the trying. Or the focusing. That’s telling because you still want to avoid the discomfort of being “forced” to be up as your body just isn’t giving you the desired result, which is sleeping.

It should feel effortless. The focus should not be about trying to sleep but that activity that you are doing, which you said was reading. For example, sometimes when I’m finding it a bit harder to doze off, I would reach out to my phone, which I always keep by my bedside, and go on the internet to browse, shop, watch youtube, check my trading account, or whatever while in bed. Then when I’m done, which can be anywhere between 15 mins or hours later, I would put my phone back down and go back to sleep with a smile.

There is no rush to get back to sleep or try to escape the discomfort of not sleeping, but I am up because I am truly enjoying the activities. I don’t make enemies with insomnia, so I think therein lies the difference. Mindset is the key the everything and it will take time to develop but your inherent personality will play a significant role as well. I wish you the best.

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