[Eelco]

My insomnia started 3 years ago after I found out my wife was cheating on me. Now it is a problem on it’s own en a vicious cycle. Slowly I recovered over the years en slept better. But not confident and saw myself as an insomniac with pretty good sleep. A few weeks ago I went sailing with a lot of friend. Late in bed, loud snoring of friends and hardly no sleep. And from there it was back, not falling to sleep…..
I read all there is to read and went further and read about buddhism and mindfulness etc etc. I even read the scientific research on CBTi and onder methods.
I realize that surrender to the situation is my challenge. Like a lot of us, I am super aroused and have anxious feelings when lying in bed. I started two weeks ago with sleep restriction and leave my bed when I feel the arousel in my body. I do that for two weeks and there is no improvement yet. Most of the nights I leave bed 3 or 4 times, occasionally I sleep a full 6 hours.
My day’s are difficult, I have strong depressed thoughts when I had a bad night. From the stress at night I have a knot in my stomach and that feeling is connected with depressed thoughts, a perfect Pavlov reaction.
I know that my strong wish to change the situation is the reason for it to stay as it is. Stay positive and challange you’re thoughts is especially difficult when you need it the most, in the period of sleep deprivation 🙂
I know it is not fair, but I wish I had a fear that you van gradually overcome with exposure. For example the fear of leaving you’re house. You can gradually expand the distance. If you have sleep anxiety you have the full blown exposure every night.
And now my worry is that I know I have to let it go, but that I am not able…… I am a little out of confidence, and continue on character and strictly follow the CBTi rules. Can’t help wishing for change……and see that strong wish is a problem in itself….. I was on facebook insomnia groups but they were horrible and I left immediately. A lot of sleep hygiene and telling horrible stories to each other.
So that is my story….. I try to own my challenge but if you can help with insights, thanks in advance. Don’t spare me….

[Scott]

@Eelco, welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing your story.

What is going through your mind when you lie in bed and have anxious thoughts? Since you began sleep restriction a couple of weeks ago, what is your current sleep window and are you consistently implementing it, even on weekends? Do you feel that challenging your thoughts has been helpful? What if you simply thanked your mind for bringing the negative thought to your attention by saying, “Thanks for sharing!” and then continuing the activity you were engaged in when the thought came? Do you think that would be more beneficial?

Scott J

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[Chee2308]

Hello!
There is no good or bad sleep as far as your body is concerned, sleep is just sleep, and there’s almost no way your body can do it wrong. Haven’t you already noticed this by now when you said you slept better after a stretch of poor sleep?

The problem, like everyone else’s, is not about the bad sleep itself, it is how you feel and think about it and ultimately, your relationship with poor sleep or a perceived lack of it. Sleep in some shape, form or size will still happen no matter how you feel about it, you can either worry (which would be over nothing) or be completely carefree, because nothing can stop nor control sleep, including cbti or the so called sleep hygiene, this thing is hardwired into your body and cannot be altered or modified in any way. Therefore, worrying about it will be a complete and needless waste of time and effort, it will be like worrying about breathing or eating, your body knows how to do it if you just let it! Just go to bed at regular times and let your body take do all the work for you. If you keep doing this and slowly overcome the fear of poor sleep, you will do very well, maybe exceed your wildest imaginations because you have, so far, completely way underestimated your body’s innate ability and need to sleep.

[Author]

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