Hi Roberta, it sounds like you are making some progress. I realize that might sound incongruous: you’re having trouble sleeping, so how is that progress?
But you have recognized the difference between general life stresses, family hassles, etc. (aka situational insomnia) and sleep anxiety (worrying about sleeping, regardless of external life events). And you have learned that no sleep med provides a permanent solution. And that situational insomnia can eventually resolve to some point, maybe just acceptance that this or that family member is difficult to deal with.
But what are you supposed to do about worrying about sleep itself?
It comes down to thoughts, whether you can observe them without necessarily diving in and getting swamped by them. And Martin’s program could be the way to go for you.
Part of the thought mess for me was (and still is, sometimes) about goals. It’s one thing to have a goal like completing a course of study, or building a house, or doing research to make a sensible purchase. Take building a house. You need to know about soil, concrete, how to use tools, electrical components, and when to hire professionals for specific tasks.
None of that works with sleep. Barring sleep apnea which is detectable via sleep study, sleep just happens. You can’t map out a plan. You can’t make sleep a goal. This can be hard to remember when your mind is scrambled from lack of sleep.
No one sleeps great every night. When I have a rough night, maybe a few in a row, I try to get to a place where I can say:
—–I’m having the thought that I am anxious about sleeping, that I am getting frantic and despairing about it. I’m having the thought over and over that my life is a disaster;
as opposed to:
—–I am frantic about not being able to sleep. I am despairing about it. My life is a disaster.
Believe me, I know it can be hard to see the difference when you are really blitzed from not sleeping. And if you feel like giving up, try to be easy on yourself. You are not alone in this.